< Earlier Kibitzing · PAGE 31 OF 32 ·
|Aug-21-16|| ||WorstPlayerEver: Memory lapses are unforgivable!
Hmm.. what kind of site is this..?
|Aug-21-16|| ||perfidious: <WPE....Hmm.. what kind of site is this..?>|
If I could remember, I would tell you.
|Aug-21-16|| ||Sally Simpson: "Hmm.. what kind of site is this..?"
It's the Mecca of Nit-Pickers.
Two correspondence chess players, one living in Buenos Aires, the other in Port Stanley get around this postal confusion by using a pigeon to convey their moves.
One day the pigeon gets into a conversation with a passing seagull.
"I don't mind the 1,800 miles round trips...." said the pigeon.
"...but the player of the Black pieces knows nothing at all about the King's Indian."
|Aug-21-16|| ||offramp: <Sally Simpson> did you originally see that joke as a cartoon?|
If so, was the opening mentioned the Benkö?
|Aug-21-16|| ||AylerKupp: <WorstPlayerEver> Pretty much everything about me is unforgivable. Oh well, that's the way the bishop bounces.|
|Aug-21-16|| ||Sally Simpson: Hi Offramp,
I got it from somewhere, heard I think, I placed the players in Buenos Aires, the other in Port Stanley due to Alyerkupp, you have no need to mention countries.
The opening I just chose at random and the seagull I added in because I try to fit seagulls into all my chess jokes.
A guy goes into a pub and sees a bloke playing chess with a seagull sitting on shoulder.
He goes up the guy and says:
"Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war."
The chess player thinks...then replies.
"It must have me, I don't have a brother."
A guy goes into a chess club with a seagull on his head.
The club secretary asks him his name.
This chess player keeps forgetting to press his clock after a move so he has a trained seagull sitting on his shoulder and it pecks him on the head every time he moves to remind him about his clock.
One day the seagull pecks him before he made a move.
"What did you do that for, I've not moved yet."
The seagull looked at the man, then looked at the board.
|Aug-22-16|| ||Pulo y Gata: History tells us that obssessive minds, singular on particular pursuits can excel on some endeavours, their achievements resembling a single gold vein in a field of dross, a shining counterweight against an overall katangahan.|
|Aug-22-16|| ||MCDreams: <Pulo y Gata: History tells us that obssessive minds, singular on particular pursuits can excel on some endeavours, their achievements resembling a single gold vein in a field of dross, a shining counterweight against an overall katangahan.>|
Sounds like you're confiding here WeirdFunPH my homie. Don't worry, your secrets are safe with us.
|Aug-22-16|| ||activechess55: <Pulo y Gata: History tells us that obssessive minds, singular on particular pursuits can excel on some endeavours..> Your observation's been validated by a group of scientists. They studied life-time works of Albert Einstein to know, what made him so intelligent. They stumbled upon one of his great secrets. He used to concentrate on a single problem for a long period of time. The scientists concluded that, the ability to concentrate on a single topic for a prolonged period, is one of the prerequisites of success.|
|Aug-22-16|| ||MCDreams: Copypasta Pulo is actually suggesting that these elite players that he's obsessing about are all idiot savants.|
|Aug-22-16|| ||Absentee: <activechess55: the ability to concentrate on a single topic for a prolonged period, is one of the prerequisites of success.>|
Who would have thought?
|Aug-22-16|| ||Pulo y Gata: << katangahan.>
Sounds like you're confiding here WeirdFunPH my homie. Don't worry, your secrets are safe with us.>|
Souds like you're confessing. Well, it's no secret who the psycho curio is. No worries at all.
|Aug-22-16|| ||AylerKupp: <<Sally Simpson> j'adoube>|
Great, just great. Too bad that non-chessplayers would not get it.
|Aug-22-16|| ||Sally Simpson: Hi Aylerkupp,
There is a lot non-chessplayers don't get.
I feel sorry for them.
|Aug-23-16|| ||HeMateMe: I've known for years that chess players don't get any.|
|Aug-23-16|| ||activechess55: For years, I haven't got chessplayers as well as non chessplayers jokes. I guess, it has something to do with manufacturing defect!|
|Aug-23-16|| ||tuttifrutty: <Absentee: <activechess55: the ability to concentrate on a single topic for a prolonged period, is one of the prerequisites of success.>|
Who would have thought?>
I did and very successful to my goals.... which is...
Hmmmm....I keep it to myself.
|Aug-23-16|| ||activechess55: <tuttifrutty> In this season, all chess fans've to keep it to themselves anyway. Because chess Olympiads are preceded by a long drought of chess events. And we've nothing to amuse ourselves with.|
|Aug-24-16|| ||BOSTER: < J'adoube>.
I don't think that the seagul was so naive to peck the player before the move was made.
Only seduction begins with a touch.
|Aug-24-16|| ||Sally Simpson: Two chess players started arguing during a tournament game. (the seagull flew away)|
One said: 'You are the biggest fool in the room.'
The other: replied: 'No you are the biggest fool in room.'
An arbiter appears and says: "Have you two forgotten I'm here."
An adult Seagull and a junior Seagull are perched on the roof of a chess club.
The adults seagull says: "There is one son, a Caro Kann player, you can tell by the miserable expression, the out of date clothes and shuffling walk...go get him."
The junior Seagull flies off and lands on the chess players head. The chess player carries on walking and after about 30 seconds the seagull flies back to it's parent.
"No." says the adult seagull, 'Watch.'
The adults seagull dive bombs the Caro Kann player and splats him right on his bald spot with Seagull poo."
'Sorry dad' says junior, 'I thought you said sit on his head.'
|Aug-24-16|| ||HeMateMe: You'll be selling this jokebook on Amazon?|
|Aug-25-16|| ||Sokrates: <HeMateMe: You'll be selling this jokebook on Amazon?> LOL. Sadly, more funny than the jokes. Sorry, Geoff.|
|Aug-25-16|| ||not not: u do miss my giri jokes dont u?|
|Aug-25-16|| ||rogge: ...not...|
|Aug-25-16|| ||Sally Simpson: Hi HeMateMe.
It will go on E-Bay.
There must be a Seagull = E-bay gull (Bagel) joke in there somewhere.
A chess player was totally skint but he wanted the Kasparov 'My Predecessor.' so he placed a whole of load of non-chess books on a table and trained a seagull to pick one up and bring it to him.
When the seagull brought him a book he gave the seagull a peanut.
However should the seagull bring him a book with a red cover he gave it a fish.
This went on for a week then the lad took the seagull to a chess congress and waited behind a wall.
Soon the books started arriving.
Opening books, Middle Game books, End Game books...the lad gave him a peanut for each one but no Kasparov Predecessor books.
After 20 trips the lad left in disgust and gave the seagull to a friend.
A few weeks later he met his friend.
"How you getting on with seagull?"
"Great. Funny thing though, He loves peanuts.....seems to hate fish."
(I'll get my coat.)
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