Once: Later that night, the white pieces had an argument. They were huddled together in a wooden box, with just a narrow partition separating them from the black pieces. And the black pieces naturally were having a noisy victory party.
"We lost. Again. And in only 12 moves. A veritable miniature!" grumped the white king.
"Well, don't look at me," said that Nf3. "I did my job. Jumped off the back rank and onto my best square. You can't ask for more than that."
"And I din't do nuffink wrong either," said the Rh1 gruffly. "I wuz ready ter castle, if only fancy-pants bish would of got out of da way."
"Excuse me!" complained the Bf1 snootily. "I resent your remarks, sir. I would have gladly completed my opening move with a smart step to g2, if only the other pieces weren't wasting time."
"Wasting time?" exclaimed the white queen. "Wasting time? One was capturing the c pawn so that the kingdom might have an advantage of pawns in the centre. Then one returned to the safety of c2."
"Perhaps if her majesty hadn't resided on an unprotected square, this would not have happened," pointed out the Bd4.
"If you hadn't gone to d4, we wouldn't be in this mess," retorted the queen.
The Bd4 wanted to point out that he had moved to d4 to prevent black from gaining space with e5, but he guessed that now was not the best time to point this out.
"Well, I couldn't of done owt else," said the Ra1. "I wuz guarding the back rank like I'm s'posed ter. Not my fault that white ganged up on me with two against one. Wot about the knight?"
Everyone turned to glare at the Nd2. "I got off the back rank," he said, a little feebly. "Clearing the way for castling or for the rook to come to c1. That's something, isn't it?"
"Yes, but you didn't do anything about black's Qc1+," accused the white king. "And you blocked my escape path to d2 when white's rook landed on c1. If it wasn't for you, it would not have been a back rank mate. You knights are rubbish when the enemy gets up real close."
"Yes but you should have castled," said the knight sourly under his breath.
"What was that you said?" demanded the king.
"Nothing, nothing, your majesty."
The white king slumped and put his head in his hands. "And just think what the kibitzing will have to say about us! If we had to lose, at least make it a proper fight - go down to a Saturday or Sunday insane, not a feeble Tuesday easy puzzle."
And to this none of the white pieces could think of anything to say. They sat alone in their misery while through the thin wall they could hear the unmistakeable sounds of the black pieces dancing to the macarena.