But if ol' FTB did have a wallet, it would have a credit card -- just one to control my spending habits (but two will CYA when one gets rejected), some credit card receipts, some greenbacks (not too much), a public library card -- it's a great place to hang out and nobody ever looks for me there, my driver's license, auto insurance card -- current and expired (give away the expired card if in an accident to speed up the process), a few store discount cards issued before aps were big, gift cards to Bass Pro and Chilis, a pharmacy sticker w/my medication spelled on it, my fishing license and a few marabou jigs, a picture of my honey and an old picture of my mommy from before I was married to remind me that she will still paddle my fanny if I get too far out-of-line, a secret key and decoder wheel, a list of important phone numbers (since I'm not good about having a cell phone in paw or pocket) and lock combinations and that password I always screw up, my lucky silver bullet, a notecard of opening lines to keep memorized, various business cards, a laminated bible verse, the rules of bowling, a Teddy Roosevelt inspirational quote, a tiny packet, lottery tickets that didn't win, lottery tickets for the next drawing that probably won't win, a road map to Harry Potter's sister's cottage just in case he sends word, an eight-in-one-tool, spare 3V button battery, my trusty spy periscope, earplugs, a PB&J sandwich for the road (hold the mayo), and two tickets to the fair. A bear can barely buy tickets nowadays. They all want us to pay on an ap so they can track us and sell our information to third parties. That's about it.

For all you cubs out there, you know that the White knight shouldn't grab that loose e5-pawn, right? 6.Nxe5? is a mistake. 6...Qd4 threatens checkmate on the f2-square and forks the unprotected knight. Now you know why 5...dxBc6 captured away from the center.

Can they really say "piss off" on television? I should send this off and change the channel.