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| Nov-07-07 | | Calli: <ws> Stephen Wright is a comedian famous for playing a particular type of word games. My favorite: "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" |
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| Nov-07-07 | | Whitehat1963: In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. |
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| Nov-07-07 | | Calli: "Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?" |
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| Nov-07-07 | | whiteshark: Aren't all questions answerable? |
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| Nov-07-07 | | Whitehat1963: I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle. |
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| Nov-07-07 | | whiteshark: 03:35
Can you ever get tired of sleeping? |
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| Nov-07-07 | | Whitehat1963: I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the
prescription ran out. |
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| Nov-07-07 | | whiteshark: I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were! |
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| Nov-07-07 | | Whitehat1963: I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep." |
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| Nov-07-07 | | malthrope: I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."
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Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.
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I went down to the store and bought some blank cassette tapes. When I got home I put one in my cassette deck and turned it up full blast. I was walking around my house when I heard a knock on my door. It was my neighbor complaining about the noise... He's a mime.
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The comedic genius of Stephen Wright. ;-)
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| Nov-07-07 | | Jim Bartle: Actually with Wright it should probably be ;-l , since he delivers it all in a monotone. |
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| Nov-08-07 | | malthrope: <Jim Bartle: Actually with Wright it should probably be ;-l , since he delivers it all in a monotone.> Good point <Jim Bartle> ! ... If 'dead pan' is really dead is 'born to be alive' really alive? ;-l Hehehe...
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| Nov-08-07 | | AgentRgent: I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
furious |
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| Nov-12-07 | | cheski: More! |
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| Nov-12-07 | | Calli: Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
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| Nov-12-07 | | Whitehat1963: All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. |
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Nov-12-07
 | | tamar: I got involved in a cash chess game where no checks were allowed. |
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| Feb-14-08 | | Whitehat1963: My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. |
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| Feb-14-08 | | Whitehat1963: "I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second." |
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| Feb-14-08 | | Whitehat1963: "I wish my first word was 'quote', so when I died I could say 'un-quote'." |
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| Feb-14-08 | | Whitehat1963: Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. |
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| Feb-14-08 | | Shams: well done guys. Steven Wright is awesome. For those of you who haven't heard him, you really must. His delivery is superb. |
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Feb-14-08
 | | TheAlchemist: I posted some in my profile a long time ago, I hope I won't duplicate too many of them: "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place." "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." "Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." "I bought some batteries, but they weren't included." "One day I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time." "I got a packet of powdered water but I don't know what to put in it." "I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out." "When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?" "What's another word for thesaurus?"
"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. When it's finished I'm going to sue myself." "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." "I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night." "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." TheAlchemist chessforum |
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Feb-14-08
| | TheAlchemist: Plus:
"I went into a general store,but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific." "My dad use to say to me ,son if worse comes to worse we're screwed." "On the other hand, you have different fingers."
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Feb-14-08
| | TheAlchemist: <His delivery is superb.> Yeah, it's fascinating how he never gets thrown off the slightest bit. And he speaks so slowly, it's a big risk if a joke fails. And wih that hair, he reminds me of some math or physics professor. A genius, probably undervalued. |
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