< Earlier Kibitzing · PAGE 731 OF 731 ·
|May-02-15|| ||ljfyffe: What if you miss the sleepwalking competition because you overslept? More to the point.....
What if you wake up during the Olympic Sleepwalking Race?
<Sleepwalking Olympics Rules:
Rule 7 (a)
Should a sleepwalking racer awake before crossing the finish line, s/he shall be immediately disqualified from that event.
Rule 7 (b)
Should a disqualified sleepwalker awake before completing a subsequent event, s/he shall be inmediately disqualified from that event; and banned from participating in the next held Sleepwalking Olymics.
|May-02-15|| ||ljfyffe: Sorry, I meant to type:< Why are there no panhandling skeetshooters?>|
|May-02-15|| ||ljfyffe: Olymics??...Holy ---!!!!!|
|May-02-15|| ||technical draw: I was in the sleepwalking competition but I was disqualified after a drug test showed I used an illegal substance: Ambien|
|May-02-15|| ||diceman: <WannaBe: Why are they not called cuphandlers?>|
Cuphandlers work at Victoria Secret.
|May-02-15|| ||diceman: <technical draw: A simple question. Why do panhandlers only have one cup?>|
One cup says: "I am a victim."
Two cups and folks will walk right by.
They'll think you're "the rich" of panhandlers.
...you never want to flaunt panhandling.
<If they had two they would make twice as much.>
...that's what pockets are for,
dump the cup and refill.
|May-02-15|| ||technical draw: <diceman> Your advice is as simple as cupcakes.|
|May-02-15|| ||technical draw: Which is the most ridiculous looking sport, Curling or Olympic Walking?|
|May-02-15|| ||Karposian: The most ridiculous sport is that Americanized rugby thing where actual gameplay is 60 mins, but because play stops 100+ times, the game last for three hours. This enables TV viewers to see a lot more cars and beer than the actual sport. The players look ridiculous too, wearing so much protective gear that they look like over-stuffed sausages.|
|May-02-15|| ||Harvestman: <Karposian: The most ridiculous sport is that Americanized rugby thing where actual gameplay is 60 mins, but because play stops 100+ times, the game last for three hours. This enables TV viewers to see a lot more cars and beer than the actual sport. The players look ridiculous too, wearing so much protective gear that they look like over-stuffed sausages.>|
Yes, that's curling. Silly sport...
|May-03-15|| ||ljfyffe: A decision by the Sleepwalking Olympics Appeals Tribunal that will affect sleepwalking
sportspeople everywhere:;Competitor "A" who had been disqualified in the Sleepingwalking Race event for waking up before crossing the the finish line, subsequently participated in the Sleepwalkers' Skeetshooting Event. His gold medal was taken away because, although he sleepwalked all the way through his turn at shooting, he awoke when Competitor "B" was taking his turn at the skeets. The original decision determined that Rule 7b clearly states that <Should a disqualified sleepwalker awake before a subsequent event is completed, s/he shall be immediately disqualified from thar event: and banned from participating in the next held Sleepwalking Olympics.>Lawyers for Competitor
"A" contended the word "event" applied only to
the time when "A" was actually shooting, and that
the sounds of "B"'s gunshots had subsequently awakened him. The appeals court ruled that the disqualification stood as "A" might have been awakened by the gunshots at anytime during the event at which time he would have been disqualified. However, the original decision that "A" be disqualified from the next Sleepwalking
Olympics was overturned as Rule 7b had not yet been clarified by the sleepwaking judges.
|May-03-15|| ||ljfyffe: Thus just in: Competitor "A" is considering a further appeal because it appears that one of the judges may have woken up before the court proceedings had been completed.|
|May-03-15|| ||andrewjsacks: Aww, Wesley So could take Mayweather.|
|May-03-15|| ||andrewjsacks: I heard that Ali was afraid to get into the ring with Fischer in '72.|
|May-03-15|| ||HeMateMe: <I heard that Ali was afraid to get into the ring with Fischer in '72.>|
Nonsense. They were both draft dodgers, thick as thieves!
|May-03-15|| ||technical draw: I can beat Mayweather in chess. It's what might happen afterwards that worries me.|
|May-04-15|| ||ljfyffe: May be. You can't beat this May weather after such a hard winter.!|
|May-04-15|| ||diceman: Somnambulist News Flash:
Borislav Iavnov ejected from Rip Van Winkle Open.
...accused of using an electronic device to stay awake.
|May-04-15|| ||diceman: <andrewjsacks:
Aww, Wesley So could take Mayweather.>
Mayweather plan of attack:
1)Get Tony Rich as Cheif Arbiter
2) Demand "Doodle Ready" score sheets with larger margins/headers/footers.
3) Hire Varuzhan Akobian as trainer, & corner man.
4) Whistle "Yankee Doodle" a lot during the opening ceremony.
5) Bring "Chesse Doodles" to board for game snack.
6) Wear a shirt at the board with printed phrases like:
"Take notes"/"It is written"/"Self-affrimation is the answer."
|May-05-15|| ||ljfyffe: The next Rip Van Winkle Open will be held in
|May-05-15|| ||ljfyffe: <NOTICE>:This year's uphill toboggan races will be held as soon as all the snow has disappeared.|
|May-05-15|| ||ljfyffe: And the Curling Bonspiel begins this afternoon; don't forget to bring your own hairbrushes and curling irons.|
|May-05-15|| ||technical draw: "Ain't no use in looking down".
"Ain't no use in looking down".
"Ain't no money on the ground"
"Ain't no money on the ground".
We used to sing this while marching in basic training. But we didn't use the word "money". I leave it to you gutter brains to guess the real word used.
|May-05-15|| ||ljfyffe: <td> Didn't use the word <money>."Ain't no <dough> on the ground"??|
|May-05-15|| ||Harvestman: Ooh! Ooh! I know this one! I do!
The word is: Ostriches.
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