User Profile: Memorable Quotes

Memorable Quotes
Member since Jun-28-05 · Last seen Feb-10-13

Hello everybody, this is User: TheAlchemist 's alter ego. Why does he need an alter ego, you ask ? Well, I was born due to the lack of space in his profile. But now I am a free and independent kibitzer, ready to serve you with the best quotes I was able to find. I hope you have fun.
<<IMPORTANT NOTICE>
Every kibitzer is welcome and in fact encouraged to post funny quotes he/she finds around the site.
However, please refrain from having discussions in this forum and making "irrelevant" posts, since all will be deleted. Also, please don't post quotes that are in clear violation of the general posting guidelines.>
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Other pages worth visiting:
Odd Lie, City of Moscow, W Humer, Oleg Romanishin (chess movie puns)
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If you have time, you can also check out the game collections I've created: Memorable Quotes' Game Collections
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And now, without further ado, I am proud to present you...
(drumroll)
...
The <MEMORABLE CHESSGAMES.COM <> KIBITZERS' QUOTES>:
<soberknight>'s "Storey" of biblical proportions at Charles Storey
<tpstar>'s epic "Kramniad" at John Homer Stapfer
<beatgiant, Mar-04-05, T Bush vs A Carter, 1976 >:
T Bush: "It's clearly a chess ratings report. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
Kenneth Regan: "I've outlawed the Russian Defense. We begin pawn storming in five minutes."
A Carter: "Chess is the moral equivalent of war."
Ford: "There is no Russian domination of chess."
Thomas Nixon: "I received one more gift after the election. Besides Checkers, the dog, I also got Chess, the cat."
Kennedy: "Ich bin Hans Berliner!"
<Abaduba, Apr-17-05, T Bush vs A Carter, 1976 >:
Thomas Jefferson Bryan: "All pawns are created equal and endowed with the inalienable right to life, liberty, and two squares on their first move."
J Adams: "Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge of opening theory."
Jackson: "The wisdom of man never yet contrived an opening system that would operate with perfect equality."
<TheSlid, Mar-18-05, The World vs Kosteniuk, 2004 >:
So what did precipitate the End of the World? Was it nuclear war, a huge meteor, or was it 18.Bd3?
<tpstar, May-26-05, Garry Kasparov >:
In their infinite wisdom, they're trying to clamp down on tooth jokes to 1) prevent moral decay 2) make sure this page doesn't become one giant cavity.
Mad props on the refreshed picture. Looks like GK got a few molar equivalents of bleach.
<DP12, Jun-12-05, Vladimir Kramnik >:
Kramnik does not paint, he draws.
<ruylopez900, Apr-17-04, Janosevic vs Geller, 1968 >:
chessgames.com has this as A00 Uncommon Opening. While this is true I think ECO should expand itself to include this opening. What do you think of <Chess Game Declined, ECO Code F00>?
<Ezzy, Jun-23-05, The Kibitzer's Café >
There is no shame in spending hours a day on the greatest of all games. If you want to enjoy the game even more, then do what I did:
Do not get married (or get a divorce immediately), as there is no time for the folly of companionship, when there is chess to be played!!
Sell your children to slavery, or have them adopted!! - because you don't want them whinging in your ear while you are trying to concentrate on monday's puzzle!
Renounce all friendships!! - There just isn't enough time for these. How can you possibly waste time in socialising, when the complexities of the Najdorf Sicilian, is more than enough to keep you occupied!!
Finally, you must renounce your parents! Because it's their bloody fault that you became a "chessnut boasting in a open foyer"!
Sorry, it's not quite final. We should all renounce <chessgames.com> for irresponsibly encouraging us all to participate on their website, with no thought whatsoever, to how and why they are tearing families and frienships apart!
LOOK!! I'VE GOT A CHESS GAME TO PLAY. SO WILL YOU ALL JUST P*** OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
<Knight13, Sep-09-04, N Zhukova vs Areshchenko, 2004 >:
Pawns are better than rooks in the endgame. So both have 1 rook. That means it's gonna be a check or pawn kill.
Nice Drawn game.
(don't miss the according rebuttals)
<offramp, Dec-28-04, Lembit Oll >:
Pity he didn't die from an overdose of Nembutal.
(a drug)
<korger, Jul-10-05, Lembit Oll >:
(But that's actually a picture of 'Weird Al' Yankovic!)
I wonder if he was taunted with the nickname "Weird Oll" in high school.
<chessgames.com, Nov-16-04, Marshall vs Pillsbury, 1904 >:
Englishman,
...
We removed that message because the link pointed to a pornographic site.
...
<An Englishman, Nov-18-04>:
Dear chessgames: Thank you for removing that link. No, the link used to be correct...
<offramp, Nov-18-04>:
That 'link' as you call it has changed my life... I used to be a Roman Catholic...
<dr eales, Jun-10-04, Raymond Keene >:
IN DEFENCE OF RAY KEENE
...
I also happen to believe that what looks like a concerted attack on Ray by a number of writers too scared to reveal their true identities is in direct violation of rule 3 of the posting guidelines prohibiting personal attacks!
...
<ughaibu, Jun-10-04>:
Unless Keene is a member there's no contravention of rule 3.
<ray keene, Jun-10-04>:
The real Ray Keene is here
...
<Shadout Mapes, Jun-11-04>:
Wow ughaibu, I bet you didn't see this one coming.
<azaris, Mar-04-05, T Nixon vs S Williams, 2002 >:
"I am not A Crook!"
(about what Nixon said after the game)
<acirce, Mar-09-05, Rustam Kasimdzhanov >:
(did Kasimdzhanov even have a single position in this tournament where he had anything remotely resembling an advantage?)
Yes, he was White in six games.
<WannaBe, May-10-05, M Bond >:
My Gosh, Bond is +0 =0 and -002.
That makes him an 005?!
<tpstar, Aug-02-05, Charles Gauche >:
Hey wait! Where did the BRA go?! Guys, you really need to get permission before taking someone's BRA off. :)
(the player's "name" used to be Charles Gauche BRA)
Successive posts by <ughaibu, Geller vs A Kapengut, 1971 >
<ughaibu, Mar-10-04>:
A beautiful finish to this one.
<ughaibu, Aug-11-05>:
I must say I agree about that, 22.Rd4 is great stuff.
(thanks to <aragorn69> for pointing it out)
<Jaymthetactician, Aug-23-05, Boris Spassky >:
I dont think theres a rating inflation, it's just that today's players are much stronger then the past. Evidenced by how the further back in time you go, the lower the world champion is rated. For example: If Botvinnik was 2500 later on, then Alekhine would only be rated around 2000 nowaday's, with Steinitz being about 1800, and Morphy being around 1500, Anderssen I think would 1300, while Philidor might be 1250.
<azaris, Aug-28-05>: If Philidor was put in a time machine and sent to our time, he would be a strong IM.
If jaymthetactician was put in a time machine and sent to Philidor's time, it would be a blessing to us all.
<TheSlid, Sep-29-05, Topalov vs Anand, 2005 >:
<BishopBerkeley: In India, many poor people play Chess.>
All over the world many people play chess poorly!
<LIFE Master AJ, recurrent>:
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
<Monoceros, Oct-04-05, Judit Polgar vs Topalov, 2005 >:
<Monoceros> You're right. I was thinking of ...
...
<notsodeepthought, Dec-02-05, Odd Lie >:
<New User>: Hello AJ, I noticed that you took part at tournament ___, can you tell us about it? Also, if you feel like a game, let me know and I'll tell you where to look me up.
<AJ>:
<Nude Abuser>, what do you mean by "Hello"? Are you a Life Master, or at least a GM, that you can talk to me just like that? What's YOUR rating? I bet you don't even have a home page on this site. And no, I don't play on the internet, because internet chess players are cheaters, especially YOU, since you all use computers. That's what my old sergeant in the Army told me. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.
P.S. Nyuk
<RolandTesh, Dec-03-05, The Kibitzer's Café >: Here is a joke Hydra recently told Shredder:
100011010001001011101000100011010001000100001110-
101011- 101110001001010100010000100001000100011010110010- 101110- 101010010001001000100010011110100010110101001010- 110000- 0100001000!
That one always gets me :-)
<chessgames.com, Dec-13-05, The Kibitzer's Café >:
The conclusion of the Roland Tesh's premium account Christmas presents are here...
We just sent out 32 emails to each winner...
however, we can't send emails to people who didn't win. (Sorry about that, we just don't have the resources.)...
<tpstar, various>:
A Lein vs T Palmer, 2004, Robert James Fischer, Kramnik-Leko World Championship Match (2004)
<tpstar, Jul-19-05, Leonard J Johnson >:
Possible advertising slogans for Chess Viagra:
"I've fallen - and I can't get it up!"
"Prepare to mate on Knight One"
"Use whenever your piece is hanging"

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>> Click here to see Memorable Quotes's game collections.

   Memorable Quotes has kibitzed 26 times to chessgames [more...]

   Sep-24-08 Memorable Quotes chessforum

Memorable Quotes: <ravel5184> I'm still very much around, I just do the kibitzing with my other self. I assume everyone knows I'm User: TheAlchemist , with which I'm signed in by default and don't want to always have to sign out, in, out and in again just to post a kibitz here. I only ...

   Feb-03-06 Beer

Memorable Quotes: Finally, I have completed Game Collection: The Punishment . You're welcome to have a look!

indicates a reply to the comment.

Memorable CG Kibitzers' Quotes

< Earlier Kibitzing · PAGE 35 OF 35 · Later Kibitzing>
Dec-16-12		OhioChessFan: SwitchingQuylthulg chessforum <ahmadov: Good evening, sir. I hope you are doing fine. Speaking about inflation of chess rating, i suggest that the admin of 2700chess.com should already change the title of this live rating web site to 2800chess.com before it is late.>

Dec-17-12		TheFocus: <technical draw> <But what I want to know is what a seersucker does.> He spends his time lamenting his visit to the fortune teller. From <Kibitzer's Cafe>.

Dec-24-12		shivasuri4: <chessgames.com: OK folks, investigation complete � <When adoresome won his won his 5th prize somehow> a typo was introduced into the code that prevented anybody from claiming further prizes. (Argh!)> Added emphasis mine. Now you know why commas are useful.

Jan-05-13		TheAlchemist: Of course I missed it at the time, but thanks to a post by User: LoveThatJoker, here it is: <tpstar, Anand-Gelfand World Chess Championship (2012) > ANAND-GELFAND BY KASPAROV Hey everybody! Remember how great I was, and how I was such a great World Champion for so long, and how I was the best player in the world for so long, and how I always played fighting chess, and how I wrote all those great books? Yeah, I'm great. ANAND-GELFAND BY KRAMNIK I am still waiting for FIDE to arrange a four-player playoff between Anand, Kasparov, Ponomariov and Kasimdzhanov, then that winner must play Leko, then that loser gets a rematch ... ANAND-GELFAND BY TOPALOV How you like me now?! ANAND-GELFAND BY GRISCHUK Recently I've been reading quite a lot and watching documentaries about the history of the Second World War and the so-called Cold War, after which I've come to the conclusion that, from 1945 onwards, a gigantic anti-Soviet propaganda machine started to operate, which was mainly, of course, American. An awful lot of things were altogether different, and on the whole I'm currently more inclined to evaluate Stalin positively. ANAND-GELFAND BY KIRSAN Greetings to all of our friends throughout the vast expanses of interstellar space! I hope you are enjoying this special WC match of Anand versus Gelfand here on Earth, and please remember our arrangement that you aliens would not return to Roswell until at least after the tiebreaks are over. Oh, and John Tesh says Hello! ANAND-GELFAND BY JENNIFER SHAHADE Omigod so like Anand has been like World Champion like forever you know, but then Gelfand like won the World Cup, and then he like won the Candidates event, so now he's like the Challenger, and they go to play this like totally awesome match in Moscow, and they each want the upper hand with all this prematch posturing you know, so Anand is like all up in his face and stuff, and Gelfand is like all up in his face and stuff, but Anand is like get all out of my face and stuff, then Gelfand is like you get all out of my face and stuff, as if. Anyways, one guy called me a beastie, that's like because he was like totally blitzed, so I was like �Bag Your Face� I'm sure! ANAND-GELFAND BY PARIS HILTON That's hot. ANAND-GELFAND BY THE OFFICIAL SITE Over in this corner of the gallery, we find a famous painting by the 19th century Russian Impressionist Helena Handbasket, where the heavy use of contours and textures brilliantly foreshadows the upcoming life-or-death struggle of the proletariat over the bourgeoisie. ANAND-GELFAND BY THE NUDE LADY Yes, I'm still here. ANAND-GELFAND BY CARLSEN FANBOYS ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ANAND-GELFAND BY <LoveThatJoker> The first six games were draws! Then Gelfand won Game 7! Then Anand won Game 8! Then the last four games were draws! Then Anand won the tiebreaks! LTJ ANAND-GELFAND BY <Ulhumbrus> Anand began the Moscow match under a handicap, even if he was not aware of the handicap himself. In 2010 Anand had to make a forty hour trip by minibus, and he is no longer so young, he happened to be forty years of age. The Bulgarians then opposed Anand's application for a three day adjournment. Anand said himself that he mixed his move order up not just in game one but in game two as well. This suggests that during games one and two at the very least, and to some extent throughout the match Anand was, to some extent, handicapped and not playing at full strength, and that this was caused by the Bulgarians' refusal of a three day postponement. Anand's opponents should be ashamed of themselves, beating up on a handicapped person.

Jan-05-13		TheAlchemist: <part 2> ANAND-GELFAND BY <okba12> no kibitzing yet! common give us some light u all kasparovs make it clear pls - give a complete analysis pls!! notable that all classical games won by Gelfand were before 2 decades - last one 93 - or ami wrong? i dont like urs comments - theres nothing resembling good analysis in urs comments so far - just words and cheats - the only reason they gave u this stage is u r beautiful! where r u capablanca? those players of these days r without imagination. those players are very boring in classic games. ANAND-GELFAND BY <diceman> Anand beat Gelfand - in the ghetto. ANAND-GELFAND BY <Mr. Bojangles> Congratulations to Anand, it was a very tough match for him but he overcame. Well done champ! Congratulations to Gelfy too for putting up a splendid challenge. He has made his mark on chess for sure. Now we await Kramnik's next event where once again he will prove himself to the chess world. And if he underperforms, well, he had nothing to prove. ANAND-GELFAND BY <SteinitzLives> I'm grumpy. Somebody get me a sandwich. ANAND-GELFAND BY <cormier> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Seven A.M. waking up in the morning> Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs> Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal> Seeing everything, the time is going> Ticking on and on, everybody's rushing> Gotta get down to the bus stop> Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends> Kickin' in the front seat, sittin' in the back seat> Gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take?> It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday> Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend> Friday, Friday, gettin' down on Friday> Everybody's looking forward to the weekend> Partyin' partyin' YEAH> Partyin' partyin' YEAH> Fun Fun Fun Fun Looking forward to the weekend> ANAND-GELFAND BY <tolengoy> Anand's victories in World Championship matches have been an affirmation of his supremacy, where he would not be denied his majestic and lofty standing, leaving other pretenders way behind gasping for breath. Anand dismantled the opposition, leaving a track of destruction never before seen, leaving gaping holes of footprints more gigantic than Godzilla and King Kong combined. I will speak as much as I want for it was long so declared by our forefathers - freedom of speech in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights by the United Nations - indeed I also have the fundamental right to violate the Posting Guidelines all I want, like comparing senior members of the group to Hitler and Mussolini, as my only aspiration it to enable CG to make a transition from this dire state to one that would create a bastion of freedom and democracy for all to see. ANAND-GELFAND BY <harrylime> lol Fischer is the best ever lol ANAND-GELFAND BY <chrisowen> Knowledge management Anand vs Gelfand first game tie in quids for vishy to make his mark or Boris to watch all engage the calm before the storm in d4 f6 could be good. Came late to the conclusion Boris will surge anand bleeding hedge your bets for a drawn one ok in slow comeback to game going quick in dutifuls see a rob jacob ladder wake the snake wind up the hind aka in truck the buck stops here it isnt too long to go good luck in kibitzing all! Find fair ive routed for each so far go jamming for brother qgd reason being more to you mind short draws lug off carriage later Boris in good form it remains to be seen whether Anand drama could raise his game to flatten grinding Boris ear for stomping fly it off the cuff Anand to jump board in current it he front seat low in demolt another by team the draw in it or pickle plod for aint electric sixth circled? Im palms in calms it yeah in have Anand find sustenance in seems it ok indupitably it mark in dips it river in kabbalah Boris or bet soon in Anand it rambling in darshan gum angle in try it? I swell in empty it along Boris - or in lucky it smooth in Anands afternoon? ANAND-GELFAND BY <offramp> Can you hear me Ariel Sharon etc... ANAND-GELFAND BY <tpstar> Anand is going to the Chinese!!

Jan-12-13		Annie K.: Magnus Carlsen <Absentee: <Parbrahman: I predict that Anand will finally show his true form in this latest Tata Steel tournament.> I hope not. I'd rather see him put up a fight.>

Jan-20-13		whiteshark: Jan-17-13, <TheFocus> on Robert James Fischer : If they held a Fischer Memorial, they couldn't invite the Russians. Or the Jews. Or women. No one from the USCF could be involved. Everyone would have to honor Bobby's Sabbath. The lighting would be excellent. There would be no cameras. All the spectators would have to wear gags. The money/prize funds would be good. Steak at every meal. The organizers would go crazy. All in all, you have the makings for a great Memorial.

Jan-30-13		FSR: Comment to A Giri vs Carlsen, 2013: <Kinghunt: This is a King's Indian Defence - black is always objectively lost until suddenly black wins.>

Jan-31-13		OhioChessFan: <keypusher> on Anna Ushenina http://lichnosti.net/photos/4593/13... <You know you're a real chessplayer when you look at that picture and think, <Hey! Is that a Dutch Leningrad Reversed?>>

Feb-04-13		FSR: Comments to AVRO (1938): <<Eggman: According to Chessmetrics January 1938 list, the 8 participants at AVRO 1938 were the top 8 players in the world.> solskytz: It's amazing how even back then, pampered goldfish were invited based on nothing but their chessmetrics ratings.>

Feb-11-13		TheFocus: February 11, <Wayne Proudlove> comment on: The Kibitzer's Café. <Duplicate chess sounds ok but I prefer one on one, mano a mano, head to head, a meeting of the minds; one guy gets the glory and the loser gets a Cherry Lifesaver or whatever it is that makes him feel better.>

Feb-15-13		OhioChessFan: On Illya Nyzhnyk <Obit: If Hollywood ever decides to make a Scanners sequel, this time about a kid that can make heads explode by staring at his victim, Nyzhnyk would be perfect for the part.>

Feb-19-13		Tomlinsky: crawfb5: < I just hate every mistake. Does that make me a <chestnut>?> Depends. Have you been boasting in an open foyer?

Feb-21-13		OhioChessFan: From Phony Benoni chessforum in a discussion of wrestlers protesting their sport being dropped from the Olympics by laying down on the mats. <Wannabe: http://espn.go.com/olympics/wrestli... I'm gonna lie on my chess board in protest, too.> <Phony Benoni: That won't help. As Emanuel Lasker said, "On the chessboard, lies and hypocrisy do not survive long." >

Feb-23-13		shivasuri4: <beenthere240: This position has no play? I could get a losing position, with either White or Black, in as few as 5 moves! Phony Benoni: You must be a really good player. I could do it in one move.> M Dutreeuw vs S Digesh, 2006

Mar-10-13		OhioChessFan: From Odd Lie <hedgehog: 17,000 atheists in the Middle East rioted this week after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk. >

Mar-10-13		OhioChessFan: From Kenneth Rogoff in a discussion of <cormier>, his habit of appearing at random intervals to post Bible verses, and when his next expected appearance might be: <Tomlinsky: Waiting for Godbot. >

Mar-29-13		shivasuri4: <Marmot PFL:... That is my firm prediction, but that could change.> In page 27 of the kibitzing for Carlsen - Ivanchuk, round 12.

Mar-30-13		OhioChessFan: A discussion of whether Kramnik and Carlsen would be watching each other's games during the next round: World Championship Candidates (2013) <Jim Bartle: Anybody have a serious answer, not an idiotic one?> <King Radio: Boy, are you on the wrong board! >

Apr-05-13		jessicafischerqueen: From User: Annie K. <you attach mice to computers, not cats!>

Apr-05-13		perfidious: Another from World Championship Candidates (2013): <AgentRgent: <Reisswolf: but it is always good to learn new things.> True enough, I'll suggest one for you: couth.>

Apr-13-13		Stonehenge: Kasparov vs Topalov, 1999 Apr-13-13 Abdel Irada: <HeMateMe: Must be wonderful to be able to see this on the chessboard.> Certainly easier than seeing it on a Monopoly board.

Apr-23-13		whiteshark: Mikhail Shereshevsky <Petrosianic: I always thought Shereshevsky was Sammy's wife.>

Apr-24-13		hedgeh0g: Compx Chess 46 vs Short, 1977 <ZIMMIE: i'm glad i did not have shares in that computer company>

Apr-24-13		hedgeh0g: <OhioChessFan: From Kenneth Rogoff in a discussion of <cormier>, his habit of appearing at random intervals to post Bible verses, and when his next expected appearance might be: <Tomlinsky: Waiting for Godbot. >> Sadly, I think much of the humour will be lost on anyone who isn't a Rogoff regular.

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