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Memorable Quotes
Member since Jun-28-05 · Last seen Jan-04-18
Dedicated to celebrating the lighter side of, a collection of memorable quotes and puns.


Every kibitzer is welcome and in fact encouraged to post funny quotes he/she finds around the site.

However, please refrain from having discussions in this forum and making "irrelevant" posts, since I will generally delete them. Also, please don't post quotes that are in clear violation of the general posting guidelines.>


Other pages worth visiting:

Odd Lie, City of Moscow, Beer, Oleg Romanishin, anything else ?



<soberknight>'s "Storey" of biblical proportions at Charles H Storey

<tpstar>'s epic "Kramniad" at John Homer Stapfer

<beatgiant, Mar-04-05, T Bush vs A Carter, 1976 >:

T Bush: "It's clearly a chess ratings report. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

Kenneth Regan: "I've outlawed the Russian Defense. We begin pawn storming in five minutes."

A Carter: "Chess is the moral equivalent of war."

Ford: "There is no Russian domination of chess."

Thomas Nixon: "I received one more gift after the election. Besides Checkers, the dog, I also got Chess, the cat."

Kennedy: "Ich bin Hans Berliner!"

<Abaduba, Apr-17-05, T Bush vs A Carter, 1976 >:

Thomas Jefferson Bryan: "All pawns are created equal and endowed with the inalienable right to life, liberty, and two squares on their first move."

Jamie Walter Adams: "Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge of opening theory."

Jackson: "The wisdom of man never yet contrived an opening system that would operate with perfect equality."

<TheSlid, Mar-18-05, The World vs Kosteniuk, 2004 >:

So what did precipitate the End of the World? Was it nuclear war, a huge meteor, or was it 18.Bd3?

<tpstar, May-26-05, Garry Kasparov >:

In their infinite wisdom, they're trying to clamp down on tooth jokes to 1) prevent moral decay 2) make sure this page doesn't become one giant cavity.

Mad props on the refreshed picture. Looks like GK got a few molar equivalents of bleach.

<DP12, Jun-12-05, Vladimir Kramnik >:

Kramnik does not paint, he draws.

<ruylopez900, Apr-17-04, Janosevic vs Geller, 1968 >: has this as A00 Uncommon Opening. While this is true I think ECO should expand itself to include this opening. What do you think of <Chess Game Declined, ECO Code F00>?

<Ezzy, Jun-23-05, The Kibitzer's Café >

There is no shame in spending hours a day on the greatest of all games. If you want to enjoy the game even more, then do what I did:

Do not get married (or get a divorce immediately), as there is no time for the folly of companionship, when there is chess to be played!!

Sell your children to slavery, or have them adopted!! - because you don't want them whinging in your ear while you are trying to concentrate on monday's puzzle!

Renounce all friendships!! - There just isn't enough time for these. How can you possibly waste time in socialising, when the complexities of the Najdorf Sicilian, is more than enough to keep you occupied!!

Finally, you must renounce your parents! Because it's their bloody fault that you became a "chessnut boasting in a open foyer"!

Sorry, it's not quite final. We should all renounce <> for irresponsibly encouraging us all to participate on their website, with no thought whatsoever, to how and why they are tearing families and frienships apart!


<Knight13, Sep-09-04, N Zhukova vs Areshchenko, 2004 >:

Pawns are better than rooks in the endgame. So both have 1 rook. That means it's gonna be a check or pawn kill.

Nice Drawn game.

(don't miss the according rebuttals)

<offramp, Dec-28-04, Lembit Oll >:

Pity he didn't die from an overdose of Nembutal.

(a drug)

<korger, Jul-10-05, Lembit Oll >:

(But that's actually a picture of 'Weird Al' Yankovic!)

I wonder if he was taunted with the nickname "Weird Oll" in high school.

<, Nov-16-04, Marshall vs Pillsbury, 1904 >:



We removed that message because the link pointed to a pornographic site.


<An Englishman, Nov-18-04>:

Dear chessgames: Thank you for removing that link. No, the link used to be correct...

<offramp, Nov-18-04>:

That 'link' as you call it has changed my life... I used to be a Roman Catholic...

<dr eales, Jun-10-04, Raymond Keene >:



I also happen to believe that what looks like a concerted attack on Ray by a number of writers too scared to reveal their true identities is in direct violation of rule 3 of the posting guidelines prohibiting personal attacks!


<ughaibu, Jun-10-04>:

Unless Keene is a member there's no contravention of rule 3.

<ray keene, Jun-10-04>:

The real Ray Keene is here


<Shadout Mapes, Jun-11-04>:

Wow ughaibu, I bet you didn't see this one coming.

<azaris, Mar-04-05, T Nixon vs S Williams, 2002 >:

"I am not A Crook!"

(about what Nixon said after the game)

<acirce, Mar-09-05, Rustam Kasimdzhanov >:

(did Kasimdzhanov even have a single position in this tournament where he had anything remotely resembling an advantage?)

Yes, he was White in six games.

<WannaBe, May-10-05, Michael Bond >:

My Gosh, Bond is +0 =0 and -002.
That makes him an 005?!

<tpstar, Aug-02-05, Charles Gauche >:

Hey wait! Where did the BRA go?! Guys, you really need to get permission before taking someone's BRA off. :)

(the player's "name" used to be Charles Gauche BRA)

Successive posts by <ughaibu, Geller vs A Kapengut, 1971 >

<ughaibu, Mar-10-04>:

A beautiful finish to this one.

<ughaibu, Aug-11-05>:

I must say I agree about that, 22.Rd4 is great stuff.

(thanks to <aragorn69> for pointing it out)

<Jaymthetactician, Aug-23-05, Boris Spassky >:

I dont think theres a rating inflation, it's just that today's players are much stronger then the past. Evidenced by how the further back in time you go, the lower the world champion is rated. For example: If Botvinnik was 2500 later on, then Alekhine would only be rated around 2000 nowaday's, with Steinitz being about 1800, and Morphy being around 1500, Anderssen I think would 1300, while Philidor might be 1250.

<azaris, Aug-28-05>: If Philidor was put in a time machine and sent to our time, he would be a strong IM.

If jaymthetactician was put in a time machine and sent to Philidor's time, it would be a blessing to us all.

<TheSlid, Sep-29-05, Topalov vs Anand, 2005 >:

<BishopBerkeley: In India, many poor people play Chess.>

All over the world many people play chess poorly!

<LIFE Master AJ, recurrent>:

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

<Monoceros, Oct-04-05, Judit Polgar vs Topalov, 2005 >:

<Monoceros> You're right. I was thinking of ...


<notsodeepthought, Dec-02-05, Odd Lie >:

<New User>: Hello AJ, I noticed that you took part at tournament ___, can you tell us about it? Also, if you feel like a game, let me know and I'll tell you where to look me up.

<Nude Abuser>, what do you mean by "Hello"? Are you a Life Master, or at least a GM, that you can talk to me just like that? What's YOUR rating? I bet you don't even have a home page on this site. And no, I don't play on the internet, because internet chess players are cheaters, especially YOU, since you all use computers. That's what my old sergeant in the Army told me. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.

P.S. Nyuk

<RolandTesh, Dec-03-05, The Kibitzer's Café >: Here is a joke Hydra recently told Shredder:

101011- 101110001001010100010000100001000100011010110010- 101110- 101010010001001000100010011110100010110101001010- 110000- 0100001000!

That one always gets me :-)

<, Dec-13-05, The Kibitzer's Café >:

The conclusion of the Roland Tesh's premium account Christmas presents are here...

We just sent out 32 emails to each winner...

however, we can't send emails to people who didn't win. (Sorry about that, we just don't have the resources.)...

<tpstar, various>:

A Lein vs T Palmer, 2004, Robert James Fischer, Kramnik - Leko World Championship Match (2004)

<tpstar, Jul-19-05, Leonard J Johnson >:

Possible advertising slogans for Chess Viagra:

"I've fallen - and I can't get it up!"

"Prepare to mate on Knight One"

"Use whenever your piece is hanging"


Continued in the forum below...

>> Click here to see Memorable Quotes's game collections. Full Member

   Memorable Quotes has kibitzed 31 times to chessgames   [more...]
   Sep-27-17 TheAlchemist chessforum (replies)
Memorable Quotes: Moved over for further discussion: Sep-27-17 <offramp>: <TheAlchemist> Perhaps you should add a single proviso: <The quote should have the potential be memorable to more than one person.>
   Sep-27-17 Memorable Quotes chessforum (replies)
Memorable Quotes: Just to correct my previous mistake, reposted: <Dr Winston OBoogie>: <saffuna: <<Bobsterman>, did you notice that Trump's speech at the UN was strong, very manly and well received by respected leaders around the world?> <The president of Nambia ...
   Feb-03-06 Beer (replies)
Memorable Quotes: Finally, I have completed Game Collection: The Punishment . You're welcome to have a look!
(replies) indicates a reply to the comment.

Memorable CG Kibitzers' Quotes

Kibitzer's Corner
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 48 OF 48 ·  Later Kibitzing>
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: At Hugh Alexander Kennedy.

<Aug-22-14 Penguincw: R.I.P. Hugh Alexander Kennedy.>

<Fusilli: As Larry David would say in Curb Your Enthusiasm... didn't the R.I.P. window for this man close a little while ago?>

Kennedy died in 1878!

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Not "funny", just hugely insightful:

Fischer - Spassky World Championship Match (1972) (kibitz #547)

<AylerKupp:...Perhaps Fischer was selectively sensitive to noise.

Was he? Well, I can personally vouch that Fischer imagined noise where there wasn't any, or at least he was not aware of the source of the noise, if any. As I've mentioned before, I worked during the Second Piatagorsky Cup tournament in 1966 and was one of several boys in charge of moving transparent plastic pieces on a projection machine to show the players' moves to the audience. And, as luck would have it, I was assigned to do this during one of Fischer's games.

Needless to say, we were instructed to be completely quiet and still during the games. And I was perfectly quiet and still while Fischer and his opponent were thinking about their moves. Nevertheless, at one point when it was Fischer's move the turns to me, points his finger at me, and yells "You, be quiet!" At that point I snapped back at him telling him "I am quiet!". At which point Fischer shrugged it off and went back to considering his move without any further outbursts.>

That is an excerpt; the whole post is good.

Aug-14-17  Dr Winston OBoogie: <diceman: Did you know Hitler was loved by the world, until a bad Rolling Stone interview angered the people?>>

No. I didn't realize, lol

Premium Chessgames Member
  Big Pawn: < OneArmedScissor: <saffuna: Fox's Shepard Smith said they could not find a single Republican elected official willing to go on his show and defend Trump's actions of the past few days.>

cucks gonna cuck>

Premium Chessgames Member
  TheAlchemist: Two consecutive posts ten years apart:

Seidman vs G Kramer, 1946 (kibitz #1)

<Phony Benoni, Jan-28-07>: Unless you're Reti, it's probably best to keep your queen out of the corner.

24.Nf6+ would be a nice shot for an early-part-of-the-week puzzler.

<Phony Benoni, Aug-17-17>: Perhaps a little harder than I thought a decade ago, since White has a number of tempting choices. Having completely forgotten my previous post, I was considering 24.Qxc5.

Aug-28-17  Dr Winston OBoogie: Tpstar's forum is now "a crime scene". I have no words 😂 😂

<After consultation with the Michigan State Police, my chessforum is under self-imposed lockdown as a crime scene. Don't believe any false narrative where I was ever "punished" here.

Kibitzer's Café (kibitz #211753)>

Greatest quote in Ceegee <history!!>😂

Aug-29-17  Dr Winston OBoogie: Not a fan of <OCF> bit this made me Lol :)

<OhioChessFan: <thegoodanarchist> <Does it have a yarmulke on it?> <td: I don't see a funniest kibitzer award in your future.>

Meh, being funny has never been a requirement for that.> 😂

And that's why TD wins every year! #Cronyism

Premium Chessgames Member
  perfidious: From the Edmund Beronio page:

<Nonnus: Witness the roll call at the School for Infantile Methuselahs....>

Sep-05-17  Arconax: On the game page Svetushkin-Grunberg (a 10 move game):

<S.Brew: Tummy trouble?>


Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I made a comment about the legendary genesis of the Isle of Man: Finn MacCool threw some earth, but it landed in the Irish Sea and became the Isle of Man.

<Domdaniel> was very quick with
<The earth who fell to Man?>

Isle of Man Open (2017) (kibitz #14)

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Tarjan vs Kramnik, 2017 a great result for Tarjan. The kibitzing soon became flooded with very bad puns.

<<GrandMaesterPycelle>: Suggesting jungle related puns for the game seems to be overstepping the authority of beloved superhero Captain Obvious.>

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Sometimes, exotic foreign names can be very mundane when translated....

Fyodor Ivanovich Dus Chotimirsky (kibitz #22)

<TheTamale: I believe an anglicized version of Dus Chotimirsky's name would be Theodore John Rankins.>

Premium Chessgames Member
  Tomlinsky: <Kenneth S Rogoff (kibitz #294812)>

<saffuna: Just find my post, <bob>. Don't just claim I said something.>    <Bobsterman3000: I don't have search capability. If you can show where you didn't say that, then fine.>

Premium Chessgames Member
  Memorable Quotes: Just to correct my previous mistake, reposted:

<Dr Winston OBoogie>:

<saffuna: <<Bobsterman>, did you notice that Trump's speech at the UN was strong, very manly and well received by respected leaders around the world?>

<The president of Nambia really loved it>>>

Premium Chessgames Member
  zanzibar: <ketchuplover: I have renewed my USCF membership.

Be afraid. Be very afraid!>

Kibitzer's Café (kibitz #216226)

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Short vs Kasparov, 1986 (kibitz #42)

1) +0.13 (38 ply) 1...e6 etc.
2) +0.21 (37 ply) 1...c5 etc.
3) +0.28 (37 ply) 1...e5 etc.

2.5 hour analysis by Stockfish 8>

Your point being?>

Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: <Magpye> on Rogoff:

<HeMateMe: ... Saw in the news where a guy in the woods shot a woman, thinking she was a deer. ...>

<Have they identified her yet, or are they still referring to her as Jane Doe? >

Kenneth S Rogoff (kibitz #302322)

Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: <Wannabe: Mr. Ball Sr. have pulled his son LiAngelo out of Ucla>

<tpstar: What a shame - he was leading the team in steals.>

Jeremy Lim (kibitz #31422)

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <Domdaniel: <Jess> - <gOOGLE wants to kill us> ... "Go Google, go ogle googols of go-go gals, go glue goals...">
Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: A Christmas tradition at the Santa Claus page, in the bio listing:

<This year, Santa Claus is giving away at least eighteen (16) premium memberships (8 from Chessgames and 8 from generous benefactors.) >

Premium Chessgames Member
  zanzibar: <<Sokrates> Wow, what a hurricane of words! I am slain to the ground gasping for air.>

London Chess Classic (2017) (kibitz #509)

Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: <nok> at the The Kibitzer's Café

<What are all these noobs doing in the Cafe? Where's harry?>

Premium Chessgames Member
  zanzibar: <<Everyone> <Kila mtu> ana kisa cha kusimulia...>

Everyone writing a post in Swahili... chessforum (kibitz #28693)

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <Boomie> eloquently smashes the clay feet of one of the stinkiest pages on the whole internet. Brilliantly said! chessforum (kibitz #28644)

<Boomie: <CG.Com> I've thought of a way you can save a few bucks. Clean up the cesspool on the Rogoff page.

Just a handful of posters account for over 90% of the blather. They all have their own forums. Let them spew their off topic crap in their own houses.

Not only was Rogoff a strong player, he remains an enthusiastic fan of the game. To allow his page to be trashed like this is a disgrace and one of the major reasons I no longer wish to support CG.>

Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: Speed Chess Championship (2017/18) (kibitz #52)

<tuttifrutty: tell me that Wesley was buried worst than Naka is an insult to human intelligence.>

<AylerKupp: Well, I'm glad that at least you're not insulted.>

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