chessgames.com
Members · Prefs · Laboratory · Collections · Openings · Endgames · Sacrifices · History · Search Kibitzing · Kibitzer's Café · Chessforums · Tournament Index · Players · Kibitzing

 
Chessgames.com User Profile Chessforum

offramp
Member since Aug-16-03 · Last seen Jul-21-18
ADVICE FOR PEOPLE NEW TO CHESSGAMES.COM:

If you think of posting at Kenneth S Rogoff,
Count to twelve, then permanently log off.

<
MARK:
I’m sure you’ve run across articles about him in magazines. About how when he was a kid, he almost died from carbon monoxide poisoning huffing fumes from barbecue propane tanks, and how he was later diagnosed with having a monoamine oxidase A deficiency — what’s called a MAOA-deficiency — which made him abnormally belligerent …
WARDEN:
What made him abnormally belligerent, the deficiency or the diagnosis?
MARK:
Huh?
WARDEN:
Never mind.
MARK:
… so he was always in and out of reform schools and jails. But he developed into this incredibly ferocious player. And then the year after he won his first Ma Ling Masters, he was in a Koru’s Department Store, which is like the Bougainvillean equivalent of Sears, and he was buying a pair of maracas and the salesperson suggested that he purchase a service contract for the maracas, and Offramp very courteously declined — he’s normally a very soft-spoken, urbane person — but the clerk got increasingly aggressive about this service contract, and finally Offramp just lost it and bludgeoned him to death with the ceremonial war club he always carries around with him. So he had to leave the country and he missed two full seasons. And then when he came back, he was appearing on The Patimo Nambuka Show (which is like the Good Morning America of Bougainville), and an anaconda swallowed his mom in the green room.>

- Mark Leyner, The Tetherballs of Bougainville.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipe...

CR Wynn: "There are few mysteries on the internet. Offramp is one of them."
- Mamedyarov vs Topalov, 2017 (kibitz #11)

ColeTrane: "Offramp says a lot of garbage."
- H Mestre Bellido vs T Bakre, 2012 (kibitz #15)

Luzhin: "Offramp is writing from a secure unit where patients are well-treated by a team of dedicated professionals."
- Short vs E Blomqvist, 2017 (kibitz #12)

SirRuthless: "If you have a minute do a little research on King Leopold and his actions in the Belgian Congo. It's eye opening. Offramp chose that monster as his avatar and it was no accident. Wonderful human being this <offramp> is."
- Altibox Norway (2017) (kibitz #82)

SirRuthless: "Ahh it's Albert Pike, my mistake. Sorry about that <offramp>. I'll leave my posts up as a lesson to anyone else who makes a similar mistake and a record of my error."
- Altibox Norway (2017) (kibitz #88)

CARNIS AUTEM EST!

"Are you one of the frightened?"
- Boris Karloff

Voted Worst Fanirmod 10 years in a row.

Chess columnist of the <Weekly Northern Whig & Intelligencer>.

I am a noted expert on Teplitz-Schönau (1922) upon which I have written nine "Schönographs": learned disquisitions on that intriguing tournament. Available at www.lulu.com for $0.01 each.

Lead singer and guitarist of the Norwegian black metal band Dementert Freaks. Search for "I Wee-Wee On Your Jellyfish Sting."

A great passion of mine is to fire up the old Merlin GTS autogyro and take her up to about 5,500 metres. I take a laptop with me but I no longer post while airborne since one post made me laugh so hard that I crashed my gyrocopter.

I was born in Hong Kong and in 2005 I was required to complete National Service in the Chinese military. I was taught how to fly a Xian H-6 jet bomber. One of my missions was to carpet-bomb the town of Bishkek in Uzbekistan. A local chess tournament was taking place at the time and I later found out that I had killed 166 chess players which I believe to be the record.

I am an Honorary member of The Ancient and Honorable Artillery Company of Massachusetts and a Freeman of the City of Prince George, British Columbia and a Member of the Order of Skinner & PJ Proby's Horse and the Supreme Orator of the Order of the Acrimonious Virgin.

I have published an autobiography called <I BLEW A BILLION BUCKS ON BIKES BABES BARBITURATES BULLETS BOMBS AND BENONIS: <My Journey of Personal Discovery from Tunguska to Roswell Via Krakatoa and Hiroshima>>. It is available at Lulu.com for £0.01p.

I graduated from Lead City University, Hut 8, Zone B, Lagos, Nigeria with a thesis on speech act theory and moral language.

I once worked at LUSH and I have made a replica pistol out of black soap which I intend to present to Donald Trump when he visits Britain by jumping out of the crowd and handing it to him.

My philosophy is this:

Work like the ponies in coalmines.
Dance like the teardrop explodes.
Love like you're Frank in Blue Velvet.
Play chess like you're desperate to lose.

My Dad was Irish, but I am very English. In the following video I give advice on how to pronounce Flaming Nora. https://youtu.be/bVzkOK44YnE

My favourite players of all time are:
1 Frank James Marshall
2 Moshe Czerniak
3 Harry Nelson Pillsbury
4 Vladimir Simagin
5 Denis Khismatullin
6 Gustav Richard Neumann
7 Carl Theodor Goering
8 Rudolf Swiderski
9 Siegbert Tarrasch
10 Hugh Alexander Kennedy
11 Ernst Ludwig Klein.

My birthday is 29th March. I have two young children.

I am a lover of ecclesiastical architecture. I like Hawksmoor, Gibbs and Archer. In 2018 I'm hoping to visit both Santiago de Compostela and Rome. North France, as well. It is not easy because I never learned to drive a petrol vehicle, although I am trained to drive an electric train.

I spend many hours listening to Old-Time Radio (OTR). I also like pre-code comics.

>> Click here to see offramp's game collections.

Chessgames.com Full Member
   Current net-worth: 940 chessbucks
[what is this?]

   offramp has kibitzed 17108 times to chessgames   [more...]
   Jul-21-18 J K Duda vs I Nepomniachtchi, 2018 (replies)
 
offramp: Duda is playing amazingly well. He has a good-looking position.
 
   Jul-21-18 chessgames.com chessforum
 
offramp: The Andorran Open begins today. http://open.escacsandorra.com/ The first prize was going to be the Golden Vishy award, but he has yet to agree. Hence the Tournaments other name: <The Andorran and/or Anand d’Or open d’Andorre.> It’s quite a mouthful if you say it with a ...
 
   Jul-21-18 K A Walbrodt vs Conill / Ostolaza / López / Herrer, 1893 (replies)
 
offramp: This was a world-class novelty by some lesser-known players. An early example of an unknown making a great TN was by NN in Mephisto vs NN, 1770 . She tried out 4....Qh4 in the Scotch, which is still Black's best reply to the Scotch Game.
 
   Jul-21-18 OhioChessFan chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: Round 6 Meier - Nisipeanu 1-0 38 Wojtaszek - Kovalev 1-0 55 Kramnik - Giri 1/2 30 Duda - Nepomniachtchi 1/2 41
 
   Jul-21-18 Golden Executive chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: Round 6 Meier - Nisipeanu 1-0 Wojtaszek - Kovalev 1-0 Kramnik - Giri 1/2 Duda - Nepomniachtchi 1/2
 
   Jul-20-18 A Giri vs R Wojtaszek, 2018 (replies)
 
offramp: Blimey... White does look a wee bit better but it can't be much.
 
   Jul-20-18 I Nepomniachtchi vs Kramnik, 2018 (replies)
 
offramp: Black really looks good at move 17. It could just be a visual thing.
 
   Jul-19-18 offramp chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: I live in Wimbledon, and Meghan Trainor is a neighbour. She is great at recycling. She puts all the right junk in all the right places.
 
   Jul-19-18 Halprin vs H Wolf, 1900 (replies)
 
offramp: User: KEG , I’ve got to say, I love every one of your posts.
 
   Jul-19-18 thegoodanarchist chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: I’m afraid submarines would drive me a bit mental, as it did to this poor guy: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-engla... <Sailor who murdered officer on submarine HMS Astute jailed for life>. But the better side of submariners’ lives is shown in Russian warship Dimitrii ...
 
(replies) indicates a reply to the comment.

The Sun & 13 Cantons

Kibitzer's Corner
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 44 OF 44 ·  Later Kibitzing>
Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: CAPTION COMPETITION #5

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/Trump%203...

Provide something something or less something something wheelchair something something Battleship Potemkin.

Guest judge will be RuPaul.

Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <ChessHigherCat: Okay, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way: What are the 11 herbs and spices?>

Dandelion, mace, tumbleweed, durian, chilli pips, vitreous humour, bladderwort, pissewracke, lanolin, salt and pepper.

Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: My first job was working at KFC way back in 1976

I know the 11 herbs and spices but I'm not talking

While its easy enough to figure out the individual spices, the hard part is (1) figuring out the percentage amounts these are mixed together & (2) how many ounces of the final mixture is mixed with how many ounces of plain white flour that the chicken is finally breaded in

This is harder to figure out than the Enigma machine

*****

Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <morfishine> I have made KFC following some recipes on YouTube. The crucial ingredient, according to one guy, is white pepper. It is an almost forgotten ingredient but since I saw that I use it quite a lot.

KFC is the best fried chicken I have tried, and there are many imitations.

Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: The "vitreous humor" explains the sudden increase in homeless people wearing eyepatches.
Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: <offramp> Here's the recipe, but you can add other ingredients like chili powder, onion powder & and "Old Bay" seasoning and get a great fried chicken seasoning: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KFC_O...

*****

Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <offramp: CAPTION COMPETITION #5

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/Trump%203...

As an American, I must recuse myself from this competition.

Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <morfishine: <offramp> Here's the recipe, but you can add other ingredients like chili powder, onion powder & and "Old Bay" seasoning and get a great fried chicken seasoning: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KFC_O...

Ahh Ha! I knew it had ginger - I knew it!!!!

My legend will live on, from the Chippewa on down...

Jul-17-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: Yes <goodanarchist> but the ginger must be organic, orange and ground to a fine mulsh, almost a puree...actually a puree

Otherwise, you have screwed it up

*****

Jul-18-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: <offramp: CAPTION COMPETITION #5 http://ace.mu.nu/archives/Trump%203...

Provide something something or less something something wheelchair something something Battleship Potemkin.>

Without the template, my first reaction is: "What does a starving badger do when you put a 3D chessboard on his table?"

With the template, maybe:
"I sent Stein less the talent in a something something wheelchair to Battleship Potemkin"

Jul-18-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <offramp: When people use these indecipherable nicknames it makes these handbag fights hard to follow.>

Which nickname? Beelzebub? I'm confused!

Jul-18-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <morfishine: Yes <goodanarchist> but the ginger must be organic, orange and ground to a fine mulsh,>

What is mulsh? Is it a combination of mulch and mush? I'm confused!

Jul-18-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  rogge: <BP TGA morf Jim Bobster(?). Who are these freaks?>

You certainly know how to pick them :)

Jul-18-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <offramp: BP TGA morf Jim Bobster(?). Who are these freaks?>

They are the ones who didn't listen to your sage advice:

<Count to twelve, then permanently log off. >

They joined the circus, the same one Lobster Boy joined.

<barleycorn> loves to make smart ass jokes. I think his smart ass jokes are hilarious.

However, <morfishine> did not like them and therefore does not like <barleycorn>

Jul-18-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: Dear <offramp> its been an ongoing issue with <porta-jon barleycorn> for over 2 years. His obnoxious behavior has caused a number of members to simply leave <CG>. For example <DcGentle> left due to his persistent, boorish and grating behavior

However, I won't be pushed around by him

So, thats the situation

*****

Jul-18-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <Morf>, as you know I never post at Rogoff or the KC. But sometimes I read posts at the cg help and support forum. When I read a post from someone complaining about other peoples' posts I think, "That sounds interesting, I'll have a look." But I can never see anything, there is such a vast amount of pointless garbage and drivel at Rogoff and KC that it's like finding a needle in a haystack.

I also have a quite superbly long ignore list. Every time I find a user who has 1 or zero posts he automatically goes on the ignore list, just so that I can have the longest ignore list ever. I hope everyone does this!

Jul-19-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: Sorry, did you say something?
Jul-19-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I was surprised today to find out not only that Macaroni & cheese is an English invention, but that it dates from as early as 1390.

I knew it wasn't Italian, but I guessed it was American. I further thought it might be Italian-American. Wrong all the way through.

Jul-19-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: That's bizarre because I just found out last night that a French "ministre des finances" Charles-Alexandre de Calonne was a "fin gourmet" during one of the worst famines in French history and one of his favorite exotic luxuries was macaroni and cheese. Qu'ils mangent macaroni et fromage!
Jul-19-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I had never heard of him. I see that he was a successor to the great Necker (who was not from Great Neck, NY, oddly).

Strange that such a paltry dish should be associated with Thos. Jefferson and Calonne.

Jul-19-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: It is also associated with a poultry dish, roast partridge (of the partridge family), another favorite of Calonne.
Jul-19-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: <offramp> Fascinating about Mac'n cheese.

Brilliant idea about the ignore list. Mine is huge, but its not all negative since there are practical reasons. For example, a well know poster has this odd habit of posting huge posts, I mean HUGE

Huge to point that he would create Part 1, Part 2, etc., sometimes all the way up to Part 14!! Too much

During team games, numerous members would gently remind him to post these monstrously long "novels" at the analysis forums, (not the general discussion forum since this would clutter the thread and make it hard to follow a normal conversation). After he repeatedly ignored these calm and sober suggestions, it was off to iggy land for him

But what a relief, now I could follow the thread!

Jul-19-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I live in Wimbledon, and Meghan Trainor is a neighbour.

She is great at recycling.

She puts all the right junk in all the right places.

Jul-21-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <morfishine:

For example, a well know poster has this odd habit of posting huge posts, I mean HUGE

Huge to point that he would create Part 1, Part 2, etc., sometimes all the way up to Part 14!! Too much>

I would read a 14-part post about macaroni and cheese.

Jul-21-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: In fact, we are already up to part 6 regarding mac' & cheese:

offramp chessforum (kibitz #1084)

offramp chessforum (kibitz #1085)

offramp chessforum (kibitz #1087)

offramp chessforum (kibitz #1088)

& this one (plus my previous one)!

It's truly a team effort.

Jump to page #   (enter # from 1 to 44)
search thread:   
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 44 OF 44 ·  Later Kibitzing>
NOTE: You need to pick a username and password to post a reply. Getting your account takes less than a minute, totally anonymous, and 100% free--plus, it entitles you to features otherwise unavailable. Pick your username now and join the chessgames community!
If you already have an account, you should login now.
Please observe our posting guidelines:
  1. No obscene, racist, sexist, or profane language.
  2. No spamming, advertising, or duplicating posts.
  3. No personal attacks against other members.
  4. Nothing in violation of United States law.
  5. No posting personal information of members.
Blow the Whistle See something that violates our rules? Blow the whistle and inform an administrator.


NOTE: Keep all discussion on the topic of this page. This forum is for this specific user and nothing else. If you want to discuss chess in general, or this site, you might try the Kibitzer's Café.
Messages posted by Chessgames members do not necessarily represent the views of Chessgames.com, its employees, or sponsors.
Participating Grandmasters are Not Allowed Here!

You are not logged in to chessgames.com.
If you need an account, register now;
it's quick, anonymous, and free!
If you already have an account, click here to sign-in.

View another user profile:
  


home | about | login | logout | F.A.Q. | your profile | preferences | Premium Membership | Kibitzer's Café | Biographer's Bistro | new kibitzing | chessforums | Tournament Index | Player Directory | Notable Games | World Chess Championships | Opening Explorer | Guess the Move | Game Collections | ChessBookie Game | Chessgames Challenge | Store | privacy notice | contact us
Copyright 2001-2018, Chessgames Services LLC