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Memorable Quotes
Member since Jun-28-05 · Last seen Jun-21-19
Dedicated to celebrating the lighter side of, a collection of memorable quotes and puns.


Every kibitzer is welcome and in fact encouraged to post funny quotes he/she finds around the site.

However, please refrain from having discussions in this forum and making "irrelevant" posts, since I will generally delete them. Also, please don't post quotes that are in clear violation of the general posting guidelines.>


Other pages worth visiting:

Odd Lie, City of Moscow, Beer, Oleg Romanishin, anything else ?



<soberknight>'s "Storey" of biblical proportions at Charles H Storey

<tpstar>'s epic "Kramniad" at John Homer Stapfer

<beatgiant, Mar-04-05, T Bush vs A Carter, 1976 >:

T Bush "It's clearly a chess ratings report. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

Kenneth Regan "I've outlawed the Russian Defense. We begin pawn storming in five minutes."

A Carter "Chess is the moral equivalent of war."

Ford "There is no Russian domination of chess."

Thomas Nixon "I received one more gift after the election. Besides Checkers, the dog, I also got Chess, the cat."

Kennedy "Ich bin Hans Berliner!"

<Abaduba, Apr-17-05, T Bush vs A Carter, 1976 >:

Thomas Jefferson Bryan "All pawns are created equal and endowed with the inalienable right to life, liberty, and two squares on their first move."

Jamie Walter Adams "Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge of opening theory."

Jackson "The wisdom of man never yet contrived an opening system that would operate with perfect equality."

<TheSlid, Mar-18-05, The World vs Kosteniuk, 2004 >:

So what did precipitate the End of the World? Was it nuclear war, a huge meteor, or was it 18.Bd3?

<tpstar, May-26-05, Garry Kasparov >:

In their infinite wisdom, they're trying to clamp down on tooth jokes to 1) prevent moral decay 2) make sure this page doesn't become one giant cavity.

Mad props on the refreshed picture. Looks like GK got a few molar equivalents of bleach.

<DP12, Jun-12-05, Vladimir Kramnik >:

Kramnik does not paint, he draws.

<ruylopez900, Apr-17-04, Janosevic vs Geller, 1968 >: has this as A00 Uncommon Opening. While this is true I think ECO should expand itself to include this opening. What do you think of <Chess Game Declined, ECO Code F00>?

<Ezzy, Jun-23-05, The Kibitzer's Café >

There is no shame in spending hours a day on the greatest of all games. If you want to enjoy the game even more, then do what I did:

Do not get married (or get a divorce immediately), as there is no time for the folly of companionship, when there is chess to be played!!

Sell your children to slavery, or have them adopted!! - because you don't want them whinging in your ear while you are trying to concentrate on monday's puzzle!

Renounce all friendships!! - There just isn't enough time for these. How can you possibly waste time in socialising, when the complexities of the Najdorf Sicilian, is more than enough to keep you occupied!!

Finally, you must renounce your parents! Because it's their bloody fault that you became a "chessnut boasting in a open foyer"!

Sorry, it's not quite final. We should all renounce <> for irresponsibly encouraging us all to participate on their website, with no thought whatsoever, to how and why they are tearing families and frienships apart!


<Knight13, Sep-09-04, N Zhukova vs Areshchenko, 2004 >:

Pawns are better than rooks in the endgame. So both have 1 rook. That means it's gonna be a check or pawn kill.

Nice Drawn game.

(don't miss the according rebuttals)

<offramp, Dec-28-04, Lembit Antsovich Oll >:

Pity he didn't die from an overdose of Nembutal.

(a drug)

<korger, Jul-10-05, Lembit Antsovich Oll >:

(But that's actually a picture of 'Weird Al' Yankovic!)

I wonder if he was taunted with the nickname "Weird Oll" in high school.

<, Nov-16-04, Marshall vs Pillsbury, 1904 >:



We removed that message because the link pointed to a pornographic site.


<An Englishman, Nov-18-04>:

Dear chessgames: Thank you for removing that link. No, the link used to be correct...

<offramp, Nov-18-04>:

That 'link' as you call it has changed my life... I used to be a Roman Catholic...

<dr eales, Jun-10-04, Raymond Keene >:



I also happen to believe that what looks like a concerted attack on Ray by a number of writers too scared to reveal their true identities is in direct violation of rule 3 of the posting guidelines prohibiting personal attacks!


<ughaibu, Jun-10-04>:

Unless Keene is a member there's no contravention of rule 3.

<ray keene, Jun-10-04>:

The real Ray Keene is here


<Shadout Mapes, Jun-11-04>:

Wow ughaibu, I bet you didn't see this one coming.

<azaris, Mar-04-05, T Nixon vs S Williams, 2002 >:

"I am not Arthur Crook!"

(about what Nixon said after the game)

<acirce, Mar-09-05, Rustam Kasimdzhanov >:

(did Kasimdzhanov even have a single position in this tournament where he had anything remotely resembling an advantage?)

Yes, he was White in six games.

<WannaBe, May-10-05, Michael Bond >:

My Gosh, Bond is +0 =0 and -002.
That makes him an 005?!

<tpstar, Aug-02-05, Charles Gauche >:

Hey wait! Where did the BRA go?! Guys, you really need to get permission before taking someone's BRA off. :)

(the player's "name" used to be Charles Gauche BRA)

Successive posts by <ughaibu, Geller vs A Z Kapengut, 1971 >

<ughaibu, Mar-10-04>:

A beautiful finish to this one.

<ughaibu, Aug-11-05>:

I must say I agree about that, 22.Rd4 is great stuff.

(thanks to <aragorn69> for pointing it out)

<Jaymthetactician, Aug-23-05, Boris Spassky >:

I dont think theres a rating inflation, it's just that today's players are much stronger then the past. Evidenced by how the further back in time you go, the lower the world champion is rated. For example: If Botvinnik was 2500 later on, then Alekhine would only be rated around 2000 nowaday's, with Steinitz being about 1800, and Morphy being around 1500, Anderssen I think would 1300, while Philidor might be 1250.

<azaris, Aug-28-05>: If Philidor was put in a time machine and sent to our time, he would be a strong IM.

If jaymthetactician was put in a time machine and sent to Philidor's time, it would be a blessing to us all.

<TheSlid, Sep-29-05, Topalov vs Anand, 2005 >:

<BishopBerkeley: In India, many poor people play Chess.>

All over the world many people play chess poorly!

<LIFE Master AJ, recurrent>:

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

<Monoceros, Oct-04-05, Judit Polgar vs Topalov, 2005 >:

<Monoceros> You're right. I was thinking of ...


<notsodeepthought, Dec-02-05, Odd Lie >:

<New User>: Hello AJ, I noticed that you took part at tournament ___, can you tell us about it? Also, if you feel like a game, let me know and I'll tell you where to look me up.

<Nude Abuser>, what do you mean by "Hello"? Are you a Life Master, or at least a GM, that you can talk to me just like that? What's YOUR rating? I bet you don't even have a home page on this site. And no, I don't play on the internet, because internet chess players are cheaters, especially YOU, since you all use computers. That's what my old sergeant in the Army told me. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.

P.S. Nyuk

<RolandTesh, Dec-03-05, The Kibitzer's Café >: Here is a joke Hydra recently told Shredder:

100011010001001011101000100011010001000100001110- 101011- 101110001001010100010000100001000100011010110010- 101110- 101010010001001000100010011110100010110101001010- 110000- 0100001000!

That one always gets me :-)

<, Dec-13-05, The Kibitzer's Café >:

The conclusion of the Roland Tesh's premium account Christmas presents are here...

We just sent out 32 emails to each winner...

however, we can't send emails to people who didn't win. (Sorry about that, we just don't have the resources.)...

<tpstar, various>:

A Lein vs T Palmer, 2004, Robert James Fischer, Kramnik - Leko World Championship Match (2004)

<tpstar, Jul-19-05, Leonard J Johnson >:

Possible advertising slogans for Chess Viagra:

"I've fallen - and I can't get it up!"

"Prepare to mate on Knight One"

"Use whenever your piece is hanging"


Continued in the forum below...

>> Click here to see Memorable Quotes's game collections. Full Member

   Memorable Quotes has kibitzed 32 times to chessgames   [more...]
   Jun-21-19 TheAlchemist chessforum (replies)
Memorable Quotes: As promised long ago, here are the deleted posts from MQ. Now, kindly take it somewhere else. <Stonehenge>: <OhioChessFan: I know on Rogoff the Leftists don't like me pointing it out, but they are in fact the intellectual descendants of the Nazi Enablers. How don't
   Sep-27-17 Memorable Quotes chessforum (replies)
Memorable Quotes: Just to correct my previous mistake, reposted: <Dr Winston OBoogie>: <saffuna: <<Bobsterman>, did you notice that Trump's speech at the UN was strong, very manly and well received by respected leaders around the world?> <The president of Nambia ...
   Feb-03-06 Beer (replies)
Memorable Quotes: Finally, I have completed Game Collection: The Punishment . You're welcome to have a look!
(replies) indicates a reply to the comment.

Memorable CG Kibitzers' Quotes

Kibitzer's Corner
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 51 OF 51 ·  Later Kibitzing>
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Link missing from previous post.
Stockfish vs AlphaZero, 2018 (kibitz #4) Sod it. I am really annoyed.
Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: Thanks. I was about to point that out.
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: User: Whitehat1963 had a happy thought at

L Spassov vs P Popov, 1977 (kibitz #67)

<The names sound like they were invented by a playground bully.>

I can indeed imagine Nelson Muntz sidling up to the board and saying, "Hey, look! It's Spassov versus Popov," and getting a roar of laughter from all except the bullees.

Premium Chessgames Member
  perfidious: Courtesy of <keypusher>:

<...Skepticism looks more attractive if dressed in the robes of knowledge, rather than the track suit of ignorance.>

Jan-25-19  zanzibar: <<Hazz>, I'm looking for a reason not to buy this book on <AlphaZero>:>

Kibitzer's Café (kibitz #247571)

Premium Chessgames Member
  Diademas: From the Tata Steel Masters (2019) page two weeks after Kramnik's much publicized retirement.

<HeMateMe: did kramnik announce his retirement?>

<rogge: Are you serious?>

< MissScarlett: Just wait till he hears about the rise of Hitler and the sinking of the Titanic....all those people....terrible.>

Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: From the Kibitzer's cafe, a discussion about drummers:

<HeMateMe: How do you get the Bonham sound? Use larger sized drum sticks and turn up your amplifier.>

Kibitzer's Café (kibitz #249435)

<[Bonham] had the drum amp cranked up >

Kibitzer's Café (kibitz #249481)

Premium Chessgames Member
  Diademas: <johnlspouge: "India Strikes Pakistani Village In Retaliation For Attack In Kashmir" < Pakistan confirmed that Indian planes entered its airspace, by tweet.>>

<saffuna: Twitter has really been upgraded.>

Kenneth S Rogoff

Feb-28-19  The Kingfish: Delicious irony!

To <The Kingfish> on the <rogoff> page.

<Perfidious: If Clinton was impeached, how did he manage to complete his second term, <moe rawn>?>

Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: A rather terrific run of comments on the Chessgames Forum:

<<JimNorCal>: Sargon fixed my connection problem in the early morning hours, thanks!

<Susan Freeman>: Great job, <Sargon>. It seems neither one of us requires sleep anymore.

<offramp>: Sargon watched my disk defragment from 03:05Hrs to 05:59Hrs, thanks!

<Willber G>: Sargon rebuilt my computer, cooked me dinner and serviced my wife so I could watch football. Good effort, but the steak was a bit tough.

<jessicafischerqueen>: Sargon pimped my ride and made a home video of it:

<Mr. President>: Ask not what <Sargon> can do for you; ask what you can do for <Sargon>.

<OhioChessFan>: Sargon didn't help me at all, but he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

<Count Wedgemore>: <Sargon> didn't help me with anything either. He could at least have showed up to cook me dinner or something (hey, he travelled all the way to <Willber>'s place, didn't he?). Then again, he has his reasons. After insulting our national hero, he is advised not to travel to Norway. It's really not safe for him here.>> chessforum (kibitz #31968)

Mar-04-19  JimNorCal: Well, glad they all had fun.

And, I *was* grateful to be able to get access to CG after being locked out for 48 hours.


Mar-05-19  Nisjesram: The Kingfish: < Bureaucrat: <Emperor Kingfish I of the United States of America> Objective: Become the first Emperor of the United States of America.

Form of government: Dictatorship.

Policy: No homosexuals, no Catholics, no Muslims, no women's rights, no immigration, no blacks, no liberalism, no swamp.

Method and organsiation of government: Rule by decree. Fusion of executive, legislative and judicial branches of government to ensure a single line of control. Use of extrajudicial executions to get rid of of criminals, pagans, immigrants, and other bad people.

Emperor: The Kingfish.

Minister of Propaganda: tpstar. The remaining cabinet posts will be filled by sockpuppets.

Court Jester: thegoodanarchist.

How to become Emperor, plan of action:
1. Conduct guerilla warfare on the Rogoff page. 2. Get out of the basement.
3. To be announced.>

Form of government would be monarchy, not dictatorship.

Policy objective were sketched here:

<The justice system
Crime and punishment (jailing etc...)
Unifying the country
Eliminating strife and friction.
Restoring morality
Cultivating wholesome American culture
Restoring freedom
Eliminating corruption
Ending government theft
Strong families & strong communities
Ending international adventurism
Protecting the borders for real
Eliminating threats foreign and domestic>

I'm going to explain it all but slowly, in a most unhurried manner, preparing for the unveiling of each idea by talking about the current problem, current bias and disarming predictable knee-jerk reactions. These things have to be eased into because they are, admittedly, a bit radical

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: chessforum (kibitz #32023)

A minor vent of spleen from User: AylerKupp:

< <> About 2 weeks ago I seconded other users' requests for a separate Leela Chess Zero page so that all posts relating to Leela Chess Zero could be placed on that page instead of the AlphaZero page. Today I decided to check to see if the page had been created and, surprise!, when I entered "Leela Chess Zero" in the Home Page's search box I got transferred to this page:
search "leela chess zero".

Huh? Did some well-meaning staffer make a mistake? I hasten to add that Leela Chess Zero had not been developed in 1824 (the first game on the game list) nor by 1891 (the last game on the game list).

But, since all the games listed were correspondence games, perhaps a skill at engaging in correspondence is one of Leela Chess Zero's unpublicized accomplishments. :-)

Still, I think that Leela Chess Zero deserves its own page and not a page shared with the London Chess Club.>

Premium Chessgames Member
  Diademas: <john barleycorn: how come the ten commandments require about 60% less words than the 11 CG posting guidelines?>

<rogge: Because carving in stone is hard work> chessforum (kibitz #32027)

Premium Chessgames Member
User: Eyal Erudite

Anand vs Mamedyarov, 2019 (kibitz #4)

<Eyal: Both Petrosian & Anand got to play this Qh8+/Nxf7+ tactics twice, a decade apart:

Petrosian vs Simagin, 1956

Petrosian vs Spassky, 1966

Anand vs Leko, 2009

Anand vs Mamedyarov, 2019.>

(The original is hyperlinked.)

Premium Chessgames Member

Someone made a kvetch about Ken Ronny Schouten vs C B Jacobsen, 2017 being GotD:
<OrangeTulip: Shame on
A 1300 ELO game presented as game of the day...>

Step forward User: Jamboree!

Ken Ronny Schouten vs C B Jacobsen, 2017 (kibitz #5)

<This game is actually instructive, in that it illustrates what constitutes weak play. Neither side really made any overt tactical blunders, yet they both played atrociously. What, then, did they do wrong? Wasted time. So many moves by both sides just threw away tempos, or achieved nothing, or shuffled back and forth, or if they did develop, they did so in the most awkward way possible. In a GM game, if one player makes just ONE time-wasting or tempo-losing move, the other player will seize the moment and grab the momentum and start rolling to victory. But in this game, both players squander tempo after tempo throughout the whole game, and yet neither of them ever really capitalizes on the other's inaction, and instead responds with time-wasting moves of their own...>

Premium Chessgames Member

User: rcs784 is not just a master of the pun, he knows his chess as well.

He made a very interesting post at AlphaZero vs Stockfish, 2017 (kibitz #153) which is worth reading in its totality, but which begins,

<rcs784: I just discovered something sensational about this game that nobody seems to have noticed yet...>

AHA! What has he discovered? There is only one way to find out!

Premium Chessgames Member

User: NeverAgain has posted a series of translations of Russian articles which are easy to miss but fun to read. High satire like the Russians do so well!

They are in a bit of a backwater, at USSR Championship (1950) (kibitz #25) et seq. and it is worth the detour to go and read them.

2 Offramp stars out of 3: ⭐⭐

May-09-19  Nisjesram: From stumpers forum :

<Tiggler: <Nisjesram> I used to tell my students that in order to be outstanding, it is sufficient to be competent. They did not like to hear it. Think about it: in all professions, it is fair to assume that most are incompetent: they screw up far too often. To be competent, you have to be on time, on point, and accurate in your work, nearly every time. Every time would be perfection, but nobody gets there.

You can never be competent at anything unless you specialize, know you limitations, and stick to your niche for many years. In a new field you will make dumb mistakes without the least clue that you have done so.>

Insightful. Useful.


May-09-19  Nisjesram: Another one from stumpers forum :

<Tiggler: My pleasure. Since you liked that, here is another thing my students were displeased to hear. I would explain that I could not actually teach them many useful skills, except for one: how to find their own mistakes. I would do this by means of great vigilance combined with experience of every conceivable type of misconception and screw up. Then I would explain to each what were the errors and why and how they occurred.

A few of the best students learned this as undergraduates. My doctoral students had to learn it if they wanted to graduate. When an "expert" gets out into the world, it becomes unlikely that anyone else will discover their mistakes until, possibly after an interval of years or even decades, their errors result in failures, possibly catastrophic in consequences.

Nowhere is this more true than in software/systems engineering. You can think of other examples, I'm sure.>


Premium Chessgames Member
  Diademas: < Nina Myers: Another Yoko masterpiece ruined by John Lennon and Frank Zappa...>

Now that's a sentence you don't often hear.

Premium Chessgames Member
  mckmac: "I'm a Solipsist. It's the best philosophy in the world, and I never could figure out why there aren't more of us."

Odd Lie (archived)

User: Sneaky

Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: Kenneth S Rogoff

<Rep. Al Green to force impeachment vote against Trump>

<nok: Let's not stay together.>

Premium Chessgames Member
  saffuna: Jul-19-19

Premium Chessgames Member chessobserver: <Federer lost in Finals, Tiger did not make the cut, Now Wes. Si Manny na lang ang natitira hehe.>

Premium Chessgames Member
  Diademas: <harrylime: SPAM on another page.>

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