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Memorable Quotes
Member since Jun-28-05 · Last seen Jun-18-20
Dedicated to celebrating the lighter side of chessgames.com, a collection of memorable quotes and puns.

<<IMPORTANT NOTICE>

Every kibitzer is welcome and in fact encouraged to post funny quotes he/she finds around the site.

However, please refrain from having discussions in this forum and making "irrelevant" posts, since I will generally delete them. Also, please don't post quotes that are in clear violation of the general posting guidelines.>

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Other pages worth visiting:

Odd Lie, City of Moscow, Beer, Oleg Romanishin, anything else ?

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The <MEMORABLE CHESSGAMES.COM <> KIBITZERS' QUOTES>:

<soberknight>'s "Storey" of biblical proportions at Charles H Storey

<tpstar>'s epic "Kramniad" at John Homer Stapfer

<beatgiant, Mar-04-05, T Bush vs A Carter, 1976 >:

T Bush "It's clearly a chess ratings report. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

Kenneth Regan "I've outlawed the Russian Defense. We begin pawn storming in five minutes."

A Carter "Chess is the moral equivalent of war."

Ford "There is no Russian domination of chess."

Thomas Nixon "I received one more gift after the election. Besides Checkers, the dog, I also got Chess, the cat."

Kennedy "Ich bin Hans Berliner!"

<Abaduba, Apr-17-05, T Bush vs A Carter, 1976 >:

Thomas Jefferson Bryan "All pawns are created equal and endowed with the inalienable right to life, liberty, and two squares on their first move."

Jamie Walter Adams "Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge of opening theory."

Jackson "The wisdom of man never yet contrived an opening system that would operate with perfect equality."

<TheSlid, Mar-18-05, The World vs Kosteniuk, 2004 >:

So what did precipitate the End of the World? Was it nuclear war, a huge meteor, or was it 18.Bd3?

<tpstar, May-26-05, Garry Kasparov >:

In their infinite wisdom, they're trying to clamp down on tooth jokes to 1) prevent moral decay 2) make sure this page doesn't become one giant cavity.

Mad props on the refreshed picture. Looks like GK got a few molar equivalents of bleach.

<DP12, Jun-12-05, Vladimir Kramnik >:

Kramnik does not paint, he draws.

<ruylopez900, Apr-17-04, Janosevic vs Geller, 1968 >:

chessgames.com has this as A00 Uncommon Opening. While this is true I think ECO should expand itself to include this opening. What do you think of <Chess Game Declined, ECO Code F00>?

<Ezzy, Jun-23-05, The Kibitzer's Café >

There is no shame in spending hours a day on the greatest of all games. If you want to enjoy the game even more, then do what I did:

Do not get married (or get a divorce immediately), as there is no time for the folly of companionship, when there is chess to be played!!

Sell your children to slavery, or have them adopted!! - because you don't want them whinging in your ear while you are trying to concentrate on monday's puzzle!

Renounce all friendships!! - There just isn't enough time for these. How can you possibly waste time in socialising, when the complexities of the Najdorf Sicilian, is more than enough to keep you occupied!!

Finally, you must renounce your parents! Because it's their bloody fault that you became a "chessnut boasting in a open foyer"!

Sorry, it's not quite final. We should all renounce <chessgames.com> for irresponsibly encouraging us all to participate on their website, with no thought whatsoever, to how and why they are tearing families and frienships apart!

LOOK!! I'VE GOT A CHESS GAME TO PLAY. SO WILL YOU ALL JUST P*** OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

<Knight13, Sep-09-04, N Zhukova vs Areshchenko, 2004 >:

Pawns are better than rooks in the endgame. So both have 1 rook. That means it's gonna be a check or pawn kill.

Nice Drawn game.

(don't miss the according rebuttals)

<offramp, Dec-28-04, Lembit Antsovich Oll >:

Pity he didn't die from an overdose of Nembutal.

(a drug)

<korger, Jul-10-05, Lembit Antsovich Oll >:

(But that's actually a picture of 'Weird Al' Yankovic!)

I wonder if he was taunted with the nickname "Weird Oll" in high school.

<chessgames.com, Nov-16-04, Marshall vs Pillsbury, 1904 >:

Englishman,

...

We removed that message because the link pointed to a pornographic site.

...

<An Englishman, Nov-18-04>:

Dear chessgames: Thank you for removing that link. No, the link used to be correct...

<offramp, Nov-18-04>:

That 'link' as you call it has changed my life... I used to be a Roman Catholic...

<dr eales, Jun-10-04, Raymond Keene >:

IN DEFENCE OF RAY KEENE

...

I also happen to believe that what looks like a concerted attack on Ray by a number of writers too scared to reveal their true identities is in direct violation of rule 3 of the posting guidelines prohibiting personal attacks!

...

<ughaibu, Jun-10-04>:

Unless Keene is a member there's no contravention of rule 3.

<ray keene, Jun-10-04>:

The real Ray Keene is here

...

<Shadout Mapes, Jun-11-04>:

Wow ughaibu, I bet you didn't see this one coming.

<azaris, Mar-04-05, T Nixon vs S Williams, 2002 >:

"I am not Arthur Crook!"

(about what Nixon said after the game)

<acirce, Mar-09-05, Rustam Kasimdzhanov >:

(did Kasimdzhanov even have a single position in this tournament where he had anything remotely resembling an advantage?)

Yes, he was White in six games.

<WannaBe, May-10-05, Michael Bond >:

My Gosh, Bond is +0 =0 and -002.
That makes him an 005?!

<tpstar, Aug-02-05, Charles Gauche >:

Hey wait! Where did the BRA go?! Guys, you really need to get permission before taking someone's BRA off. :)

(the player's "name" used to be Charles Gauche BRA)

Successive posts by <ughaibu, Geller vs A Z Kapengut, 1971 >

<ughaibu, Mar-10-04>:

A beautiful finish to this one.

<ughaibu, Aug-11-05>:

I must say I agree about that, 22.Rd4 is great stuff.

(thanks to <aragorn69> for pointing it out)

<Jaymthetactician, Aug-23-05, Boris Spassky >:

I dont think theres a rating inflation, it's just that today's players are much stronger then the past. Evidenced by how the further back in time you go, the lower the world champion is rated. For example: If Botvinnik was 2500 later on, then Alekhine would only be rated around 2000 nowaday's, with Steinitz being about 1800, and Morphy being around 1500, Anderssen I think would 1300, while Philidor might be 1250.

<azaris, Aug-28-05>: If Philidor was put in a time machine and sent to our time, he would be a strong IM.

If jaymthetactician was put in a time machine and sent to Philidor's time, it would be a blessing to us all.

<TheSlid, Sep-29-05, Topalov vs Anand, 2005 >:

<BishopBerkeley: In India, many poor people play Chess.>

All over the world many people play chess poorly!

<LIFE Master AJ, recurrent>:

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

<Monoceros, Oct-04-05, Judit Polgar vs Topalov, 2005 >:

<Monoceros> You're right. I was thinking of ...

...

<notsodeepthought, Dec-02-05, Odd Lie >:

<New User>: Hello AJ, I noticed that you took part at tournament ___, can you tell us about it? Also, if you feel like a game, let me know and I'll tell you where to look me up.

<AJ>:
<Nude Abuser>, what do you mean by "Hello"? Are you a Life Master, or at least a GM, that you can talk to me just like that? What's YOUR rating? I bet you don't even have a home page on this site. And no, I don't play on the internet, because internet chess players are cheaters, especially YOU, since you all use computers. That's what my old sergeant in the Army told me. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.

P.S. Nyuk

<RolandTesh, Dec-03-05, The Kibitzer's Café >: Here is a joke Hydra recently told Shredder:

100011010001001011101000100011010001000100001110- 101011- 101110001001010100010000100001000100011010110010- 101110- 101010010001001000100010011110100010110101001010- 110000- 0100001000!

That one always gets me :-)

<chessgames.com, Dec-13-05, The Kibitzer's Café >:

The conclusion of the Roland Tesh's premium account Christmas presents are here...

We just sent out 32 emails to each winner...

however, we can't send emails to people who didn't win. (Sorry about that, we just don't have the resources.)...

<tpstar, various>:

A Lein vs T Palmer, 2004, Robert James Fischer, Kramnik - Leko World Championship Match (2004)

<tpstar, Jul-19-05, Leonard J Johnson >:

Possible advertising slogans for Chess Viagra:

"I've fallen - and I can't get it up!"

"Prepare to mate on Knight One"

"Use whenever your piece is hanging"

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Continued in the forum below...

>> Click here to see Memorable Quotes's game collections.

Chessgames.com Full Member

   Memorable Quotes has kibitzed 35 times to chessgames   [more...]
   Jun-18-20 TheAlchemist chessforum (replies)
 
Memorable Quotes: Also, this is in no way me taking any sides in this debate, I left it as is so everyone can make up their own mind.
 
   Sep-27-17 Memorable Quotes chessforum (replies)
 
Memorable Quotes: Just to correct my previous mistake, reposted: <Dr Winston OBoogie>: <saffuna: <<Bobsterman>, did you notice that Trump's speech at the UN was strong, very manly and well received by respected leaders around the world?> <The president of Nambia ...
 
   Feb-03-06 Beer (replies)
 
Memorable Quotes: Finally, I have completed Game Collection: The Punishment . You're welcome to have a look!
 
(replies) indicates a reply to the comment.

Memorable CG Kibitzers' Quotes

Kibitzer's Corner
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 52 OF 52 ·  Later Kibitzing>
Apr-28-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Open Defence: from Tal vs Vasiukov, 1964

<fabelhaft:<Johnnysaysthankyou:....There will be another Tal though, mark my words, he won't come from Russia though...> Neither did Tal>

Jun-17-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Diademas: Amusing exchange between <OhioChessFan> and <Sally Simpson> regarding the minutiae surrounding the fabled 1893 East Timbuktu Chess Open.

Edward Winter

Jul-04-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: A funny exchange between <Phony Benoni> and <HeMateMe> at today’s GOTD:

<HeMateMe: A play on the Beatles "Sgt Peppers Lonely Heart Clubs Band"? Great pun!

<Phony Benoni: Oh, come on; that's not even sixty years old.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPT... Remember, I'm an Old Fart.>

HeMateMe: oh, I see...did you vote for MacArthur for president?

<Phony Benoni: No, but I voted for him for Park Commissioner.>>

E E Book vs G G Alexandrescu, 1936 (kibitz #1)

Jul-04-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: This is a good one from the Rogoff morass:

<Bureaucrat: Joe Biden and Michelle Obama. How would the cultists react?

<rogge: With surprise. They expect a female VP.>>

Kenneth S Rogoff (kibitz #436425)

Jul-11-20  optimal play: <Jul-11-20 Nisjesram: Oh, you are so naive , <jith1207> as i was when i entered this jungle , this den of vipers called rogoffland for the first time.>

Kenneth S Rogoff (kibitz #437602)

Sep-04-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: <technical draw: Is there some way to get the comment prompt to move to the right for right to left writing (Hebrew, Arabic)?>

<WannaBe: <technical draw> Yes, turn your monitor upside down, and the cursor will move from Right to Left.

Remember 9/10 doctors recommend <WannaBe> for Computer Technical Solutions.>

chessgames.com chessforum (kibitz #33729)

Sep-11-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  FSR: I commented on Tuna Tuncer vs Alp Tuna, 2018 :

Battle of the Tunas? With FIDE ratings of 2342 and 2253, these Turkish Tunas are no fish. Nor is their compatriot, FIDE Master and Senior Master Tuna Onat Nalbant. All of these Tunas played in the World Junior Championship (2018). Sadly, their lower-rated countryman Ferit Tuna Kurekci was not afforded that opportunaty.

Sep-12-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: An impromptu book review from the never-gives-up User: AylerKupp.

Tarrasch vs F Riemann, 1879 (kibitz #15)

<I have (and this is no joke) a cookbook called (I kid you not) "Manifold Destiny". It contains recipes for food you can cook by wrapping it in aluminum foil and placing it on top of your car's engine. Then, on a long trip, the heat of the engine will cook your food and you can enjoy it when you arrive at your destination. In addition to recipes the book contains diagrams of different engines; in-line 4- and 6-cylinders, V-6s, and V-8s (presumably you will not attempt to cook any food in the engine compartments of your V-12 Ferrari or Lamborghini), the suitable places on the engine (you wouldn't want it to fall off or interfere with your engine's performance) to place your food depending on whether you need to cook it quickly at a high heat or slowly at a lower heat, and the length of your trip. It has a list of some specific cars, models, engines, and their suitability for cooking certain types of dishes, as well as the number of typical servings that can be cooked based on available space.

Each recipe provides a guide to the distance required to cook the food, although the authors caution you to think in terms of time, since during rush hour your dish might be cooked in 3 freeway rams. Some recipes have the name of the car used to cook it, such as 'Hyundai Halibut with Fennel' or 'Pat's Provolone Porsche Potatoes'. And probably most appropriate of all, something that will appeal to those who enjoy puns in this site, 'Chevrolet Stingray', for those who enjoy skate.

The book is available on Amazon for a not unreasonable US $ 16 for the paperback edition. And it is certainly good for a laugh or two. Unfortunately the book is rather dated, published in 2008 and it has not been updated. Modern car engines with their surrounding plastic coverings may not provide as many good places to cook your food, and the results may be different. And some of the reviewers have actually tried some of the recipes (I haven't tried any) with mixed results, so don't necessarily take the book seriously. As the saying goes, when it comes to manifold cooking, your mileage may vary.>

Not hilarious but <singular>, unusual.

Sep-13-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Big Pawn: This forum is for memorable quotes, not long, boring posts about nothing.
Sep-19-20  Cheshire Matt: <nok: There's about 10^15 minutes in a billion years, so you may want to start your bullet match NOW.>

Magnus Carlsen

Oct-16-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: <FSR: Retired general Stanley McChrystal has endorsed Biden. https://thehill.com/homenews/campai... that induces people to vote for the Democratic candidate, it will be

<McChrystal Blue Persuasion>.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDl...>

That's a good one.

FSR chessforum (kibitz #2766)

Nov-14-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: <Marmot PFL: Understanding chess seems to be hard for Germans.

<Gregor Samsa Mendel: Anderssen and Lasker didn't seem to have much trouble.>

Marmot PFL: I'll be watching for them in the upcoming Olympiad.>

Ha!

Caruana vs Carlsen, 2018 (kibitz #347)

Dec-03-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: Re: Mark Taimanov (a top concert pianist) fathering a child (twins!) at age 78:

<HeMateMe: ...a man of rare talents! He knew how to tickle the ovaries.>

Mark Taimanov (kibitz #281)

Dec-03-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  technical draw: Mark Taimanov would have had more children but he didn't have time enough. hahaha!
Dec-14-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: <diceman: <thegoodanarchist:

Did you know Nikolai Tesla was a life-long virgin?>

Probably the only place he couldn't make sparks fly. :)>

Ha!

Big Pawn chessforum (kibitz #5366)

Dec-15-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: <nok:

<cormier: Today I am calling you to a complete surrender to God. Everything you do and everything you possess give over to God so that He can take control in your life as the King of all that you possess.>

Um... no thank you.>

I guess that's asking for a bit too much.

Kenneth Rogoff (kibitz #454368)

Dec-15-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  jessicafischerqueen:

<Check It Out> Please take care not to replicate and pass on misattributions.

In this post Kenneth Rogoff (kibitz #454368) <nok> misattributes <cormier> by stripping his post of the quotation marks.

Here is the original post by cormier with quotation marks intact: Kenneth Rogoff (kibitz #454360)

It makes a huge difference, especially in a case like this. <cormier> is citing someone else- probably the Mudgagore or someone like that. It's not <cormier> presenting this as *his* dictum, or imperative.

It's also not "like cormier" to speak in that fashion, which is why my eyebrows shot up the second I saw "his" quote here in the humorous archive forum.

==

I realize <nok> made the error, but you have now passed his error on to a place where the error will be displayed and enshrined for a long time to come.

<Forum Host>: Please delete this misattribution to <cormier>.

Dec-15-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: <cormier>:

<<<December 15, 2020>

“Today I am calling you to a complete surrender to God.> Everything you do and everything you possess give over to God so that He can take control in your life as the King of all that you possess.”>

<nok: Um... no thank you.>

I guess that's asking for a bit too much.

Kenneth Rogoff (kibitz #454368)

Dec-15-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: <jfq>

There's <cormier>'s full post.

Dec-16-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  jessicafischerqueen:

<Check It Out> That's nok's post there, not cormier's post.

<nok's> post misattribute's cormier's original post. This is cormier's original post, which includes the quotation marks- making it clear this was not something <cormier> himself was saying: Kenneth Rogoff (kibitz #454360)

<nok> stripped out the quotation marks from cormier's original post.

<nok's> repost: Kenneth Rogoff (kibitz #454368)

Cormier always puts quotations around quoted material- he often gets stuff from <Madjagore> or other Catholic websites.

When you archived <nok's> post here, you incidentally archived the misattribution. I doubt you noticed this at the time.

I wouldn't have made a fuss about this apart from the tendency of some, particularly those who may enjoy mocking Christians/Christianity, to mock <cormier>, who is a devout <Catholic>. I'm not certain that was <nok's> intent, but I felt obligated at the least to point out the misattribution. I am sure it wasn't your intent.

I appreciate your regular archiving of material here believe me.

If I had another chance I would try to make my original post and sound less like a Karen or someone who was gratuitously crawling up your ass.

*pardon my French

Dec-16-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  jessicafischerqueen:

*Wallaby's Balls Sheep Station*

Dec-16-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: <cormier:

“Today I am calling you to a complete surrender to God. Everything you do and everything you possess give over to God so that He can take control in your life as the King of all that you possess.”

<nok: Um... no thank you.>>

I guess that's asking for a bit too much for a communist.

There, a wee bit of a jab at Christians and communists alike, equal opportunity comedy. And no link to follow up to get the wrong idea about quotation marks and such. No mean-spiritedness intended, just a few laughs for this supposedly humorous forum.

Dec-16-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  jessicafischerqueen:

<Check It Out>

Thanks for sorting that out brah!

Misappropriation is a serious problem in history work. I run in to it all the time, so I am forever on the lookout for it.

On <nok>- I have no idea what his intentions were, nor do I care.

Stripping <cormier's> post of the quotation marks was an intentional act.

If <nok> had copy/pasted it, the quotations would have remained intact.

If <nok> had re-typed it, he chose to erase the quotations for some reason. I'm pretty sure I can guess the reason, but I'll leave it at that.

That aspect of the episode is also part of this now accurate historical record.

Dec-18-20
Premium Chessgames Member
  Gregor Samsa Mendel: <sudoplatov: Canal should have had an advantage if playing in Venice.>

E Canal vs Euwe, 1948

Jan-03-21
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: User: goodevans is an astute poster with a great user name. Have a looks at this:

Nunn vs J A Sutton, 1984 (kibitz #79)

<goodevans: There's an annoying little quirk of the computer annotated scores on CG that they don't get updated when SF changes its evaluation of a position. In today's computer annotation, SF awards Dr Nunn's <25.Rfd3> a <?>, saying he should have played 25.Ra3 instead <+1.85 (27 ply)>. It then evaluates black's response <25...O-O> as <+0.69 (25 ply)> so white's 'mistake' has cost him more than a pawn.

<But wait>. Ask SF to evaluate the position again and it changes it to <+7.52 (24 ply)> rendering its own computer annotation a nonsense. Wouldn't it be great if mistakes like these could be reflected back into the annotation.>

There is something wrong in SF's neural network.

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