What, no insults/ messages of support/ petitions for Frogspawn to join a Coalition of the Daft and bomb [insert name of nation] ...?

When I return I'll expect to see all this and more. You'll think of something. You have inventive minds, you lot, even if they're not very evenly distributed.

TIP: Open the curtains and let the sun in.

Heh. Sorry to disappoint, but unfortunately I ended up as white. But I was still desperate to @#$% things up, so played 1.d3:

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My opponent, Big Fat Unpleasant Lawyer (approx. 2000+) sneered. There followed:

1...d5 2.g3 e5 3.Bg2 Nf6 4.Nd2 Be7 5.e4 dxe4 (bah) 6.Nxe4 Nxe4 7.Bxe4 f5 8.Bg2 0-0 9.Ne2 c6 10.0-0 Be6

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Exciting position, eh. Not. It's at these sorts of times - when a plan is hard to come by - that I play something dubious which may or may not lose a pawn. It's one of my specialities. Because I then have to stare deep, deep into the position and end up understanding what's going on a bit better. If you plumb the 'abysmal depths' early on, tricks and traps become more apparent. With this in mind, I tried 11.d4 Bc4 12.c3 Nd7 13.d5 Nf6:

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Now I went mad. I wouldn't usually sac a pawn to save my life, not least on move 14. But as you may now have guessed, I went for 14.dxc6 Qxd1 15.Rxd1 Qxe2 16.cxb7 Rab8 17.Re1 Ba6 18.Re6. Before the story continues, I'd like to know what the combined wits and Fritz here at Frogspawn make of 14.dxc6. Is it, in actual fact, completely losing?

How on Earth did you know *that*?

OK, I opened 'em. The sun had been up for about eight hours, but I write better by electricity.

While waiting for that, isn't it funny how 1.g3, or an orthodox King's Indian Attack with 1.Nf3, 2.g3, 3.Bg2, 4.d3 etc, are quite respectable. But *they* still snort at 1.d3 even though it leads to the same positions.

I've played 1.a3, 1.b3, 1.c3, 1.d3, 1.e3 and 1.g3 at various times. Best rusults 1.e3 and 1.b3 (which tend to transpose). Worst: 1.c3, the Saragossa. Not totally bad, but who wants a reversed Slav or Caro?

Righty ... crikey, that's odd. First, your 11.d4! is excellent, but 13.d5?! is dubious at best. But, having got into this, Fritz thinks the combo with dxc6 is the best way to proceed.

It doesn't think much of black's 11...Bc4, which it scores as equal, while black gets a tiny edge by developing with ...Nd7 instead. Which means very little.

The real surprise for me is that after your 14.dxc6 the beast think black should play ...bxc6 -- no queen exchange, no piece 'win'. Even on the next move it prefers 15...bxc6 to taking your knight. It seems you get quite a lot of good old initiative by taking on b7 and e5, with various black pieces loose and three more white pawns waiting to go banzai.

I find that [insert name of nation] is my very favorite place to live, and I look forward to learning the lingo, [Inonish].

Did you actually say "dippleshit"? Well done. Dutch for a kind of D-D-D-Döppler Effect felt in the (heh) Nether Regions?

If you'd worn your <Red> dress here yesterday, you'd be in the 10,000 club by now. But I guess you're already in all the clubs that matter.

Isn't <china> a doll? Or an <I'm a mess without my little China girl> kinda thing?

For example, after 18.Rxe5 Bd6 19.Re6 skewers his bishops. Unfortunately, white has 19...Rfe8 when the threat to your back rank forces you to exchange rooks. Even then, though, white looks good after 20.Rxe8+ Rxe8
21.Be3 Bb8
22.Rd1 (or maybe a fast pawn advance queenside with a4 and b4, to trap the Ba6 before it can play ...Bxb7...?)

THATS's how jammed I was at that cruxial moment in time.

But at the moment I'm experimenting with my keyboard's special features.

(I haven't even checked the DuCh yet -- if Nyborg wins this I *will* become unthinkable)