I *think* that's right. Dom might be able to point out any mistakes, as he was watching the whole thing front row ringside. I, on the other hand, was curling up into a furious foetal position and had sacked off writing normally. Having just dug out the scoresheet I can barely make out a thing.

Let's just say that it started out as a *vacation* but then they started paying me for it and it became 'work'. Work comes with strings attached and is less fun than non-work.

That's why I blather on here so much.

Actually, I have a theory that what people call 'writing well' here is simply the result of checking over stuff and editing it before posting. It's easy, and anyone can do it, but anyone often doesn't.

Very weird, as I had a similar experience in Galway on *the very same day* ... and I can't remember it ever happening before.

I had one good crash-bang game where I beat an 1850 guy in 15 moves, leaving a knight en prise for several moves and ripping him to shreds.

The next day, after drawing with a strong opponent, he told me he'd found a scoresheet lying around, noticed that it involved me, took a look, and you'll never guess which game it was. Abandoned by my disgusted victim, presumably.

So the finder decided that I could be dangerous. Hence his decision to offer me a draw.

Maybe I *look* dangerous? I had a girlfriend once who said I looked "like a sheep-killing fly". This was a deliberate misquote of Burroughs - he had a line about looking "like a sheep-killing dog". Clearly I'm more flylike (mouchine?)than canine.

Maybe we could use this chessic found object routine. Invent dashing victories with our names on them, and leave the scoresheets scattered around the tournament hall for opponents to find...

I'll get back to you. Promise.

Which is a good indicator of what Rat Bunny does to you. The aged website has a photo of inebriated Icelanders. I don't think they'll be so happy now.

Unless it's a straight linear booze/happiness relation, of course.

Anyhoo, I think I'll play in it.>

Cool <Dom> :) Please tell Svid that we all *luv* him! <hug a GM grin>

All cylinders are open and firing again.

*whooooshhh*

Habitues of Frogspawn, along with the habituees? Cricket-loving chess nuts? Russian anglophiles, English russophiles, and variants (Irish-American Slavic Rastafarians?) on the above?

I can't say "everyone on CG" because, let's be men and face up to this unhappy fact, there are morons among us.

Some people even "root" for rival GMs, never realizing that 'root' means 'search for' in Irish-English and 'have sex with' in Australian English.

Not to mention the fact that, in Papua New Guinea Pidgin, the root of a tree is "arse belong tree".

I digress. Peter is a very cool and amiable guy, and I really hope he enjoys his trip to Bunratty. Maybe this time somebody other than Alex Baburin will take a half point from him.

Last year in the final round he was pushed hard by Alex Astaneh Lopez, a young FM from Cork who is rising fast, has knocked over several GMs, and has beaten me three times in the past two years.

Two of those games went to endings where he saw far more than me, played quickly, and made me cave in as my clock ran down. It was fascinating to see Svidler do exactly the same to him, from a level position.

Hooked -- A Drama

17th century torture victim:
- "Put me back on the Hook at once! If the Sultan sees his torture victims having a break then you so-called torturers will be joining me up here, pronto. You think you'd like being impaled on a giant sickle?"

Torturer #1:
Moan, moan, that's all you Hook guys ever do. Bring back crucification, I say. Or that Iron Maiden. You didn't hear much out of that.

Torturer #2:
True, very true. But isn't the whole point of torturing the buggers to get them to make noise? Either we're trying to wring secrets out of 'em, or we're just causing squeals of agony to amuse the Boss and his entourage if they come by.

Torturer #1:
Yeah, I read a cool article in TortZine about that. 'Schadenfreude and Shaggin' Freud' it was called, by a guy called Dom-something.

Torturer #2:
Domdaniel? We stuck him on the Hook last Tuesday. Didn't last ten minutes but squeezed in an hour's worth of moaning.

Torturer #1:
Well, I'm sick of it. Nothing [*spits*] *ethical*, mind, just sick of it. And my wives hate cleaning the blood off my tunic, even though I rotate the job between 'em, and I only beat 'em if they speak out of turn.

Torturer #2:
You're a queer kind of torturer, you are. Almost a liberal. Wouldn't you be happier with a transfer to the gunnery department?

Torturer #1:
We need the money. There's the wives, and 117 hungry nippers. No, wait, 116, I stuck Ali on the Hook this morning for giving me cheek.

Torturer #2:
You done right. With that attitude he'd have ended up there anyhow, and some strange torturer might not be as simpatico as his Dad.

Torturer #1:
This one's dead. Sod it, I've had enough. I'll throw a *sickle* tomorrow - tell 'em I caught something nasty off a prisoner. The European Plague, okay?

Torturer #2:
Will do. But try not to use such vile language ... European is bad enough - at least you didn't say Xtian - but 'plague' is unspeakable.

Torturer #1:
We are all unspeakable.

Torture Victim:
Hey, guys. I just rose from the dead. Does that get me off the hook?

Dom, did you want the short list, or the long list? ;)

I recently posted a game where <Moro> Pounds him in an ancient line of the <Scotch> that Steinitz used to play, but now <Moro> plays it frequently and usually gets his head handed to him. I posted the <Sviddy> game to show that <Moro> COULD on occasion fool top level chess stars with this arcane, and, probably, unplayable opening.

I gave up the Scotch for the English recently as you know, Dom, based largely on a recent re-reading the Wikipedia article on <Culloden Moor>.

<Sviddler on the Roof> has had a recent upturn in results! I think his ranking should rise at the next FIDO list of best in breed, no?

OK I'm thrilled to hear you and <mack> will be fencing this Petermas at <Billy Bunter>.

I shall book off the next three days of work in order to prepare my first report on this auspicious news.

Give my knees to the needy, my liver to Prometheus; give my feet their freedom and let my peepholes go.

My soul's in hock to the Mephistopheles Life Assurance Company ("an eternity in hell or ALL your MONEY back !!" -- sounds good, eh?).

I reckon it's cool if you get permission. The appropriate form is:

- Je June?
- You May.

No- thanks for the tip! I will begin search operations today in order to watch it for free.

I still don't know what "jejune" means, since I'm deliberately avoiding looking it up.

It sounded so cool when <Doggimus> said it that I've been repeating it ever since.

I have two as you probably know.

Forums I mean.

Is one of mine a "strategy forum"?

How do I turn in in to a "strategy forum"? Do I plan ahead?

HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA

Next time I'll list you FIRST in the pecking order of 'Svidd-cricket-ler' fan base. As <DCP23> was only given this distinct honor as he publicly goes out of his way to profess his undying loyalty to Svid. :)

BTW: <"I recently posted a game where <Moro> Pounds him in an ancient line of the <Scotch> that Steinitz used to play...">

That expose you wrote (in <STATE OF SCOTCH THEORY> for Woody on page -507- of your chessforum) was a superb treatise on the many splendors of the Scotch. :) Very impressive Jess... Very impressive indeed! ;)

Reflecting almost 2 years straight of only ever playing Scotch with the white pieces.

<Dom> Queen Boddica drank <Mead> like a real man.

Hope everything is good where you are!

Are you looking forward to Linares? I hope Anand puts in a strong performance. Maybe we can mind-meld in the Live kibitz again, Corus was fun!

No excuses, no excuses. I played like an idiot. But I arrived late for the simul - Ray and the organizer were kind enough to let me play anyway after somebody got mated very quickly and a board became vacant. So Ray reasonably suggested that we blitz out a few moves 'to catch up' ... and I was eight moves into a Benoni before I stopped to think.

Is this that cosmetic surgery stuff you young folk go in for, or did I just fail to notice before?