If it was Burroughs saying something like "What is chess anyhow that it should consume a man's life?" ... then CG got the quote from me in the first place. I found it in his collected letters.

I don't like the phrase 'drug problem' as all so-called drugs are different. Some are directly habit-forming or addictive (such as heroin and other opiates, which trick the brain's endorphin receptors); others are indirectly addictive (such as cocaine, which I consider the most dangerous mood-altering substance, along with alcohol), and some aren't addictive at all (hash, weed, most hallucogens).

I've taken pretty much all of these, some just a few times, others for years. I'm still here.

Don't try this at home, kids.

Burroughs, as you'd expect from the author of 'Junkie', had a longtime heroin habit in his youth, and wound up on a methadone program in Kansas in his 80s. I don't think he considered this to be a 'problem', and it didn't stop him writing.

As for Pynchon, I have no idea what drugs he has taken. He doesn't talk about himself. But he comes across as a wise old All-American Doper, like a cross between Einstein and the Furry Freak Brothers.

Burroughs said that coming across like a wise old guru was easy. He called it 'the mahatma con'.

It's the only time Burroughs comments directly on chess -- trust me on this, I have about 50 of his books. But elsewhere he describes a match between two chessmasters (Baghdad, 1917) where the winner -- was it Kurt Schlemiel? -- drives the loser insane by humming "I'll be around when you're gone" 30,000 times.

and you're still mostly sane. impressive!> Agreed, very impressive. The one book I read was like trying to get your head around the most elaborate chess puzzle http://www.chessbase.com/puzzle/puz... but with no page you could turn & see the answer.

Yep. What's more, I actually *read* those books, even the extremely cut-up ones. I was going to write a doctoral dissertation on Bill, back in the day. My drugs researches were, well, research.

We like this. You are clearly a spreader of good memes.

Not counting study books - I'm quite far from even having 50 books. 20? 30 if I look everywhere perhaps..

I thought not. That's normal in the case of those of us who live in 'normal' countries, with non-psychotic ethnicities. We don't actually *care* that much.

This is something that some people have trouble understanding -- especially if they come from places where psycho-nationalism is still in vogue. Dare one mention the Philippines? Armenia?

Back in the 1950s, the writer Brendan Behan said "Most people have nationalities, but the Irish and the Jews have psychoses". Ironically, those two groups have now largely grown out of the syndrome, but other psychotics have moved in to fill the gap.

This should not, however, prevent us from exchanging useful data -- stuff we happen to know -- about the countries we happen to live in. As regards the French, it's never been very popular here in Ireland -- yet, at any point since Wolfgang Heidenfeld in the 1950s, at least one leading player was always a dedicated practitioner.

Thats just my own personal opinion..

And regarding all this rating malarky... You're right..

I think unless you're 2200+(with an ego!), you can beat some 1400 player one day, and lose even easier to the same guy the next..

Im just not going to pay attention to ratings anymore, its been getting to me psychologically, which means i lose before iv'e even started the game..

When i was a kid there was a tournament every summer holidays held at a local school. Yorkshire U-16, U-13 and U-10's strait knockout championship.. The format was you get drawn against another player, you lose, you're out!!

Then you'd just play for fun for the weekend..

Only one winner and runner up in each category...

I'd enter each cat, and i'd breeze the U-10's and U-13's, but i'd always notice that if it was someone who already knew me, especially this one kid who played board two at my school, they'd kinda throw the towel in before the game began!

Wheras if it was say, Leeds U-13's best player, we'd both be a bit weary of each other, but because there was no rating for a schoolboy my age back then (not from what i recall anway, and if so im sure id have known mine!) i had no real fear of any other kid..

My problems began when i started playing older kids who's voices had broke etc..lol.. I felt like i was playing a grown man, and didn't really expect to beat them.. Although sometimes i still did!

So its mostly psychological i guess..

As it sez in my manifesto, "combinations and chemistry are your only men".

Could I also suggest, for your own sake, that you put all those youthful chess successes to one side. We know you were good, you know you were good ... but *be here now*, if you know what I mean.

Is this one of those infamous Scandinavian identity crises, measured in Angstrom units?

I just thought the "story" kinda fit into the point i was trying to get across, about ratings, and the psychology of ratings, and the problems im trying to overcome right now...

I can only relate to my life, and my experiences, so i used that as an example..

Even in my bio, i only give it a quick mention!

Plus my games what i post here are for all to see, so im not exactly claiming to be chuffing Carlsen lol..

In future i'll keep the "chess tales of yonder", to a minimum, but id still love to tell you some life stories, and vice versa with yours, as you're an interesting guy and i think we'd enjoy each others tales??

I'll ask the admins to *wipe* my initial bio under the handle <markcf> though, because that *does* look like im bragging, but i was really naive then, as id just joined...

Second, you haven't wasted your life. It may be hard to believe, but you're still pretty young at 37.

I moved cities in my mid-30s -- I was 'doing a geographical', if that phrase rings any bells for you. Fresh start away from bad influences, and all that. This followed a series of catastrophes that weren't as different from your experiences as you might think.

Point is, I made the mistake then of thinking I was 'too old' and 'washed up', with my best days behind me, etc. Somebody suggested that I should go back to university and finish the PhD I'd abandoned years before. A woman wanted me to come with her to an interesting part of the world. All kinds of opportunities turned up ... and my response was 'Nah, I'm too old for that' ...

But I wasn't. And it took me nearly 20 years to understand that. Now I'm over 50, but I'm not too old anymore.

As Old Bob sez ...

"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now... "

Just remember: at 37 you still have a lot of future, if you want it. And you can still influence what happens in it. I know people who totally reinvented themselves in their 40s.

Last point. *Everyone* in the <Frogspawn Massive> is a genius. I make it a condition of membership. Only geniuses are interesting enough, rilly ...

Whereas I do not own chaps - I do have a study. It so happens to be my bedroom as well. And working space and storage unit. Very multifunctional.

Not much leather-bound furniture abound though :(

these days future employers might run your name through an internet search engine before they decide who to interview.

now, if someone has posted that "Terry McPratchy has been using the internet to bully, harass and threaten people for years" it might cost dear Terry an interview and a job. these things end up in search engine indexes, you know. and if someone writes such slander only to get Terry in trouble or to blackmail, then we're dealing with something much worse than annoying "trolling", whether oldskool or newskool.

If that's true, and if he knows it,(and they are *BIG BIG* ifs, btw) i find that nothing short of evil...

Thats really messing with some honest bloke's lively hood, over a dispute on a chess site!!!!

I reckon most people get a bit spooked as they approach/reach 40 (I did). Your youth has gone & it ain't coming back, you've probably contemplated your mortality & the forecast is terminal, you make little grunty noises when you stand up & an ailment or 2 might of made an appearance, its a lot to come to terms with.

But it has the potential to be the best of times. You've taken lots of paths that took you places you didn't want to go, so you can avoid them. You know what you like, what makes you happy/content & what don't. Your aware of your faults, so you can now start to accept who you are, warts & all. Acceptance is a big one for me, makes you impervious to insults, "Your a bloody cat" yes! I know, well spotted.

Give me the clarity of me 40s over the confusion of my 20s any year of the day.