"A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one." ― George R.R. Martin

"Nothing is dearer to a chess player's heart than his rating. Well, of course everyone knows he's under-rated, but his rating, its ups and downs, however miniscule, are his ego's stock-market report." ― Lev Alburt

"The ideas which now pass for brilliant innovations and advances are in fact mere revivals of ancient errors, and a further proof of the dictum that those who are ignorant of the past are condemned to repeat it." ― Henry Hazlitt

Heavenly Looks
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. "Will I die?" she asks.

God says, "No. You have 30 more years to live."

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she's in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!

The day she's discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.

Up in heaven, she sees God. "You said I had 30 more years to live," she complains.

"That's true," says God.

"So what happened?"

God shrugs. "I didn't recognize you."

— Submitted by Hank Chawansky