I don't think I've ever been poached before. To be honest, I think I'm better fried, with a little garlic and some good olive oil.

"The Soviet Union...has seized to exist"

I suppose we all "seize to exist" in this rapacious dog-mates-dog chessiverse, but it was particularly existential in the case of the Soviet Union. Until, as they say, the seizing had to stop.

It's Darwin, by Disney. Nature pink in tooth and claw.

HOST:

And your specialist subject is <seizures>. I'll start the clock.

What did the Kaiser and the Tsar have in common?

- Seizures?

I'll accept that. Next question. What did the Kaiser and the Tsar have in common etymologically?

- Caesars?

Correct. Next question. As relatives of Queen Victoria, what medical condition was shared by the Kaiser and the Tsar?

- Er, seizures?

Hey I found out on Friday that Korean farm animals make "korean" sounds.

So I was trying to give a clue to the class what the word "Pig" means by going <Oink, oink>.

Finally I had to draw one on the board.

When they saw it, they burst out laughing,

I thought they were laughing cuz the pig drawing was so crap.

But NO!

<students>: "Teacher, pig no OINK OINK. Pig <Gulleh Gulleh Gulleh>."

I said NOT CANADA PIG!!

Then we all had a good laugh.

About what, exactly, I couldn't say.

If there is any criticism or additional lines I have left hangin' please let me know. I am still an apprentice...

White to play and win -- FEN "

click for larger view

1. Ng1 Kd2 2. Nf3+ Kd3 (if Ke3 3 Ne1 & 4 Nc2 maneuvre wins for White)

So after 2...Kd3 we have this position - with <WHITE to move>...

click for larger view

Remember that ;-)

On we go -- 3. Ke1 Ke3 4. Ne5 Ke4 (Kd4 loses to 5 Ng4 Kd3 6 Kd1 & Ke2 to follow) So -- 4... Ke4 5. Nc4 Kd3 6. Nd2 Ke3 7. Nf3 Kd3 8. Kf1 et voilare et cantare -- LOOK !!

click for larger view

Same position as in the previous DIAGRAM - but with <BLACK TO MOVE>

Since 8...Ke3 is forced now - White can bring this home easily after: 9 Ne1 Kd2 and 10 Nc2!! -- Same motif as in 1...Kd3 at the very start... The Nc2 cannot be taken for obvious reasons

One last ditch effort for Black 10...Kd1 will be met by 11 Nb4 & 12 Nd5!

In general one can say that the white Knight an King have several options to overload the Black King and at the same time make sure that White's last pawn cannot be traded... Together they can achieve to give ONE tempo / "the TURN" to Black!

It is indeed an 8-move-Knight-dance, but well worth it... In the end the Black king is just overloaded and HAS TO LET the White King in at e2 with a technical 1-0 as a result.

Even though my engine reached 25-ply, it didn't see the white advantage until I played < 9 Ne1 > -- Remarkable...

PS. Did you kick some booty at the Cheffe Clubbe last night?

What do <Irish> and <English> pigs say?

and <Dutch> pigs?

i BET THEY say different noises in every country.

You realize what this means: Pigs got their own secret languages!

I think <Anthony Burgess> invented one of them.

de kip (chicken) kakelt - toktoktok
het kuiken piept - pieppieppiep
de haan (rooster) kraait - kukeleku
de hond (dog) blaft - woefwoefwoef
de poes (cat) miauwt - miauwmiauwmiauw
de muis (mouse) piept- pieppieppiep
de koe(cow)loeit - boeoeoe
het paard (horse) hinnikt - hihihihi (zo meisjes-achtig)

het varken (pig) knort - grgrgrgrgr (huh?)
de geit (goat) mekkert - mehmehmeh
het schaap (sheep) blaat - behbehbeh
de ezel (donkey) balkt - iaiaiaiaiaiaia
de eend (duck) kwaakt - kwakkwakkwak
de kikker (frog) kwaakt - (let op - watch it) kwaak, kwaak

de gans (goose) gakt - gakgakgak (wie wist deze? - who knew?)

de vogel (bird) fluit - fwietfwietfwiet
de hommel (Bee) zoemt- bzzzzzzzzz
de duif (dove) koert - roekoeroekoroekoe
de aap (monkey) gilt - iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I practiced them all and now Lars is looking at me funny... rightly so.

yOU realize you just gave me a WHOLE LESSON PLAN THERE???

This is brilliant-- I will teach them <Dutch farm animal noises>.

I angered the chess gods by saying in advance that I didn't seem to blunder much anymore. So I then reverted to type: won the exchange, went to sleep, left a rook hanging, and got mated by a guy about, oh, 600 ELO points lower than me. He did play pretty well, though. I was crap.

In fact, I shouldn't even be here now, as the sight of a cheffeboard still makes me feel queasy.

hmmm... -- "You'll bounce back! This was just an incident..." -- is what many would say... I'll let you off the hook now, since it is very well possible that you *did* anger the (chess)gods - it's hard to tell from here...

<Jess> I'd be honoured! You and the kids can use a good laugh by mimicking "barnyard" noises from other langwitches - it has a therapeutic effect on both children- and ADULTS like us!

I will now tuck meself in early after yet another dismal-to-the-nth-power performance by the Dutch soccerteam... Luxembourg proved to be one tough cookie... AARGGHH

♘♘

Here's loo♔ at you, kid.

Frogs♙? Il est ♗, non?

Mais oui, completement ♗tu.

Ah, well it was about time I'd go and look into the origins for the names of chess pieces in different countries/cultures/courts and what have you... (The jester's hat/fou relationship, etcetera..)

I didn't *know* the French notation's etymology, to be honest - I thought the pawns were called "soldats" and the King "Roi" and probably "cheval" pour le ♘ - I wasn't sure!!

The perfect example of the Jessican "I need to know/Who knew?"-concept at work... (Not to mention the puzzling and poignant: "What is the point of understanding something?" and "Just saying"...)

I am drifting, yes?

Well, some interesting background- and plain old useful- information came up, (with which I will not bother your sunday's rest), but this was an interesting link -- http://www.draughtshistory.nl/origi...