I don't know how these things work with children (or adults) but I'm pretty confident that a dip in water is involved. I don't feel like submerging my comp, so we'll skip that bit. Might as well also skip any attendant mumbo jumbo, Latin, invocations of the deity, etc.

I *know* I'm repeating myself now, or just about to. But we could invoke Saint Phocas the Gardener. According to a children's book about saints -- wicked pervy brainwashing, every word of it -- 'Saint' Phocas had a nice house and a lovely garden and was 'very kind' to sailors. We can but speculate why.

A direct ancestor of Chauncey Gardiner in Being There, I suspect.

Right. Water, check. Latin, checce, checcorum.

<Mumbo and Jumbo
Were pachyderm coeds
They and their trunks
Were covered by Lloyds.>

According to the *deed poll* invested in me ... hang on, a *deed poll*? Whassat? A sort of statistical sample (poll) of stuff that happens (deeds)?

Think I'll take up Poll Dancing.

Right, that's over, stash the infant somewhere while we go out and get pissed.

[whisper, stage left]
"OK, here's Nf3. And ...d5. Cool, huh? Now there's ..."

- You. Yes, you. What d'you think you're doing with little Phrontistery, who is meant to be snoozing in his picnic basket? Yes?

"Just showing the kid some moves, man, is all. Never too early and all that."

Fearless leader can be "abstruser than usual" on occasion but he's never actually "just babbling."

Which is a lot more than can be said for many of the posters at this website. Check out the recent spate of spam "poetry" launched by <lamont> on the <Fischer thread> for a good example of a stream of <totally meaningless, pretentious, solipsistic, narcissistic, half-baked, muddled, and ill informed babble>.

<Dom> is "worth Googling", if you catch my drift.

That said, however, I'll attempt to transliterate <Fearless Leader's> penultimate post into English without the benefit of GOOGLE, since I find it "fun to guess."

<Trig> you are many things, but you are not often wrong. That's for sure.

<Dom> refuses to write in the <King's English>, possibly due to Irish politics and memories of <Oliver Cromwell> and other criminals.

His language may be termed <Entropantic>, a word I like because I've already forgotten what it means even though <Dom> explained it to me and others many times.

I may be a student of <Dom>, but there's no guarantee I'm a good student.

Ok then-

<<Jess> Thanks for showing up for *The Ceremony of the Baptism (Again) of the Foe Room">

<Dom> means the baptism of the renamed forum- used to be <frogspawn> and now it's <Phort Phrontenac> (probably renamed in honor of the French Indian wars in Canada).

It's a "Foe" room in that it's both "faux" (fake- it's not really a room- it's a web page) and "foe" in that "enemies" can clash ignorantly by night here. Though it's pretty friendly most times. <Niels> was, however, sternly reminded by fearless leader to be "less friendly" in his posts at <Phort Phrontenac>.

<Born again is twice too often> is a pun that combines a self-deprecatory joke about this forum with an insult to those who imagine they are born again if they accept the lord Jesus Christ into their heart as their personal savior and endorse their checks to the local Catholic Pastor who's usually found in the local pub.

<I don't feel like submerging my comp, so we'll skip that bit. Might as well also skip any attendant mumbo jumbo, > Usually you dip the kid's head under water at a Baptism, but <dom> does not want to get his "comp" (computer) wet.

<Mumbo Jumbo> refers to the ritual religious nonsense spouted at Baptisms.

<Dom's> no Sinead O'Connor, but like many Irish intellectuals, he may feel it "de rigeur" to make regular jokes at the expense of the Catholic Church.

<But we could invoke Saint Phocas the Gardener. According to a children's book about saints -- wicked pervy brainwashing, every word of it -- 'Saint' Phocas had a nice house and a lovely garden and was 'very kind' to sailors. We can but speculate why.

A direct ancestor of Chauncey Gardiner in Being There, I suspect.>

St. Phocas is a real Saint. And Dom really read this bit about him in a real children's book. "Very kind to sailors" is a joke hinting that St. Phocas was a gay bounder.

Then <Dom> complicates things by comparing St. Phocas to Chauncey the Gardner from Paddy Chayevsky's "Being There."

<Right. Water, check. Latin, checce, checcorum.

<Mumbo and Jumbo
Were pachyderm coeds
They and their trunks
Were covered by Lloyds.> >

Ok this is a "check list" for stuff you need to perform a Baptism.

You need water- you need Latin for the "mumbo jumbo" ritual words- then there's a complicated pun on "check" and "checce checcorum", which I don't understand because I don't know Latin.

There'll be a joke here but we'll have to wait on further explanation from Fearless leader.

The poem may be a parody of an existing poem but if so I don't know it.

"Mumbo Jumbo" now becomes the names of two female (co ed) elephants named "Mumbo and Jumbo"-

Their trunks (noses and suitcases) are insured by <Lloyd's of London>, the world's most famous insurance broker.

<According to the *deed poll* invested in me ... hang on, a *deed poll*? Whassat? A sort of statistical sample (poll) of stuff that happens (deeds)?

Think I'll take up Poll Dancing. >

I think a "deed poll" is an actual poll conducted in order to find out who actually owns (holds the deed) to what property in a given district or county or something.

So "deed" (title of property) is punned with "deed" (something one does of note).

Then "poll" becomes "pole dance", which is a dual allusion to both the "Dance of the May pole" and The poles that strippers use to swing around on.

<Right, that's over, stash the infant somewhere while we go out and get pissed.

[whisper, stage left]
"OK, here's Nf3. And ...d5. Cool, huh? Now there's ..."

- You. Yes, you. What d'you think you're doing with little Phrontistery, who is meant to be snoozing in his picnic basket? Yes?

"Just showing the kid some moves, man, is all. Never too early and all that.">

Ok, in this rather outrageous sequence-

The members of the Baptismal party hide the kid who's to be Baptized (Little Phort Phrontenac in this case) while they go off to get drunk at the pub.

While they are getting drunk, some bounder sidles up to the baby Phort Phrontenac and begins "showing him chess moves".

This is compared to a pedophile tutoring the baby in "sexual knowledge"- IE- perverting him.

Meaning that there's something perverted about chess knowledge, or meaning that some people act as if there is when really it's all innocent.

"Showing the kid some moves" means showing him chess moves and also sexual "moves"-

As in "putting the moves on someone"- (making sexual advances).

<Too true. Every single one of us here would be World Chess Champion by now, if only our owners and trainers had showed us the moves sooner. Like during birth.>

Now Fearless Leader closes on his trademark optimistic note-

It's lampoon, but real longing as well, since we, he and all of us here wish we were better chess players.

It just means that if someone had started teaching us the game while in the womb then we'd all be Grandmasters.

Which reminds me of my friend Robin in Middle School- She told us that her Mother had read Shakespeare to her in the womb. We asked her if this affected her childhood.

"God's Wounds, no!" was her response.

I hope this has been of some help.

LONG LIVE PHORT PHRONTENAC!

That was quite a thesis...

I have never,I repeat,NEVER witnessed puns and allegory of this sort dear <Dom>...(When a strong amateur in poetry like myself makes a statement like this,it should be true);=D

And you <JFQ>,you in conjunction with our Fearless Leader may have become the creators of a language lesser mortals like us can only dream of comprehending...

This statement is debateable, however.

Several interpretations and additions may be found, but so is the Nature OF THE PHRONTENAC!!

Case Solveeed!

And some of it was unconscious, of course. But I've spent more time being unconscious than many folk have spent being alive, so I reckon that's kosher too.

"Mumbo and Jumbo/ Are pachyderm coeds" *is*, in fact, a parody of an existing poem. The other one is by <e.e. cummings> and also manages to rhyme coeds/Lloyds.

You missed one point, I think, re deed polls. In British and Irish law, people change their names by "Deed Poll". It's something like a form you fill in and give to the authorities, saying "Hi there, authorities, this is to let you know that I, formerly known as *Dermot MacAnus*, will henceforth go by the name *Fergus MacAnus*... yours, etc".

This, presumably, is *not done* in civilized places like North America, because the government has no right to know your name and you'll change it any dam time you please.

The Brit-Irish law (call yourself by any name, but let the bureaucracy know) is midway between the freedom-lovin' American way and the freedom-hatin' laws in force in other countries. Both France and Sweden, as far as I know, have official lists of names from which a child's monicker *must* be taken. You can name it Lars or Jean-Paul, but not 'Tractor #13007' or 'Bra Drag'.

Hmm. Maybe Bra Drag is okay. If you add a few dots to the vowels you get the Swedish for, I think 'good move'. And surely you can call a kid 'good move'?

Funny topic, <onomastics>. In Islamic countries, the name Mohammed is very common. What puzzles me is why this isn't an insult to the prophet ... if he can be insulted by obscure Danish cartoons or obscure postmodern novels, isn't it worse to give his name to an ugly-looking budding psychopath? Which is most male children at a certain age.

Anyhow, your final thesis about the 'optimistic yet longing' angle is spectacular. It may be of interest to note that my mother played Scrabble obsessively during the months that I was, as it were, on board. And she insists to this day that this is the reason I am the way I am.

And I was among the prizewinners the only time I played in the Irish Scrabble Championships. I scored about 300 points with a single word, winning the scrabble equivalent of a brilliancy prize.

Any old Geurgle can give you -- or point you to -- a straight answer to an obscure question. Here, we do things the other way round: ask a straight question and get an obscure answer.

The oracles of old worked like this, often with the help of mood-altering vapours emanating from cracks in the walls.

Thus, the famous verse, previously cited here ...

<Said the Venerable Dean of St Paul's "Concerning these cracks in the walls:
D'you think it would do
If we filled them with glue?"
The Bishop of Southwark said "No, not really".>

... is actually a commentary on the loss of visionary power in modern organized religion. The cracks in the walls are the source of inspiration, vision, even the godhead itself: yet a minor cleric wants to fill them in 'with glue' -- a simple metaphor for sticky psychobabble and treacly theology.

Luckily, his superior, the bishop -- having the power to move diagonally -- is capable of lateral thinking. He can't give the correct answer ("Balls!") but he can give it indirectly, while adhering (ha!) to the milquetoast traditions of the Anglican Church.

Deep, these limericks. Unfortunately, we're officially barred from pursuing a deeper investigation into them, by diktat, ukase, and fiat of CG.

Interestingly, perhaps, the judicial power to "ban certain names" given to a child is under the purview of Provincial, rather than Federal, authority.

Luckily, as you allude, once we are "of age" we are legally allowed to change our names as many times as we want.

I think we talked about this 300 pages ago maybe-

I think I announced that I was going to legally change my name to <Norman Mailer II- the Sequel>-

Technically, and actually, this is legal in British Columbia.

When we were in High School my friend Brad and I dug these names out of the Vancouver phone book-

"Porky Dog" seemed a likely candidate for someone who had legally changed his name for "comedy purposes."

After paroxysms of laughter, we burst out anew when when we realized that this man had ACTUALLY changed his name to <Dog Porky> so that when it was put in the phone book- alphebetized by last name- it would read <Porky Dog>.

Tragedy, however, lurked on the last page.

Poor <Gregory Zzzygzzgy>, who had obviously legally changed his name to be "last in the book," had been trumped by the even more enterprising <Geoffrey Zzzzzzra>.

Poor Greg was thus relegated to second to last.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAH

What's in a name?

Such is the risk of "interpretation"!!!

<El Triggo> No, I haven't written a <Dom to English> translation book- but I should think such an endeavour might take up to 30 years.

Could well be worth it though, for the benefit of the natives of <Phort Phrontenac>.

It's brand spanking new!!

The logs are still white.

By the way <Trig>, I laughed for about three days- long and hard- at your post about <I like Fish>

"I didn't think it was possible to show how drunk you were on a computer screen."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
AHAHAHAAHAHAAH

Days I laughed about that one.

Still am in fact

Heh..Heh thank you very much...

Where is <I Like Fish> anyway?And is <I Like Fruits> the same guy or is he faking identity..?

You'll be pleased to know that the CG.com adminstrators love him- they even wrote a parody of his posts on the <Cg.com> thread.

He's also <I Like Cheese> and I think maybe up to a dozen other important food groups.

He is widely quoted and parodied.

In fact, the last post by <rogge> in his forum is a parody of <I Like Fish>, coincidentally.

I just read it a second ago.

LONG MAY <I Like Fruits> PROSPER

LONG MAY <I Like Fish> PROSPER

LONG MAY <I Like Cheese> PROSPER

LONG MAY <I Like "Other Food Groups"> PROSPER

LONG LIVE <JFQ>

Sorry couldn't help it...

'Ecce homo' (Behold the man) is also in there somewhere.

'Ecce signum' means 'behold the proof', but QED is simpler.

Quod demonstrandum eratque delenda est carthago. ("As I was saying and BTW let's nuke Carthage")

Quant suff.

<cave canem>

Really!

<Twinlark> is back!!

Drop by his newly reopened forum and give him a shout <Dom>-

I'm not sure but I don't think he speaks the King's English either.

I don't think Australia has a King.

If you were King you'd be "King Dom"

HAHAHAHAHAAH

Get it?

Kingdom

So <Me gusta los peces..> is the same person as <j'aime les fruits..>? Fascinating. I vaguely thought it had something to do with non-commutable sexual preferences (a type of mathematics popular among PWBs -- persons with beards, like Barbarossa, Bluebeard, and Marcus Aurelius).

Innaresting, innit, that the name <Jesus Lopez de la Jolla del Rey> is perfectly reasonable in San Diego and many points south, but you can't name a child Sean Jasus MacEnaspie in Ireland, or <Jesus Ghengis Smythe> in England.

Incidentally, <Come Out Fighting Ghengis Smith> is an album by Roy Harper: check out the YouTube version of his sublime song <When an Old Cricketer Leaves the Crease> which is almost enough to make one, as he says, catch a fleeting glimpse of a 12th man at silly mid-on.

Well spotted <Dom>

That number reminds me of the 3d test in 9 BC when we taught the Wogs a lesson they wouldn't soon forget.

Sine qua non - Nothing quite like sinning.

Latinizing is the trend eh?...

You guys are wunderkind ersatz...

Hopefully that isn't a brouhaha...haha...haha...

<Alea jacta est>

The die is cast...