Tullittittekkaan Tyttu. That's another Finnish film. My spelling is open to correction.

Was Hamlet left-handed? Or just sinister?

White: Shadrach (Where is my mind)

Black: Scorpion_Queen (Open Defence)

Remember Anno Domine? Paris Hilton does, and she's not talking about Anne O'Domine, the child she claimed to have birthed with fellow celeb Domdaniel way back in the 21st century.

Yes, century. Apparently there were 21 of them in the Christian Era (CE) before everybody stopped counting sometime between the 112th Iraq Surge (now Lake Dubya) and the Riviera War between Baffin Island and Kamchatka. Back when the world's rich folks included Americans and Europeans - remember them? Before Africa and India began exporting solar energy, and space became a province of Brazil?

Paris has been a constant throughout all these changes. Not, obviously, the old Gaulish capital where the Emperor Julian was crowned -- lost during the 2nd Greater Nederlandic Deluge, its ruins lie somewhere near New Yerevan. And not the Texian metropolis, mistaken for Area 51 and accidentally nuked during the Alien Civil War. No, this Paris is a person. Mostly.

Paris Hilton, reputedly born in the 20th century (like Warhol, Hawking and Domdaniel) was for centuries the world's last celebrity. She sparked a philosophical controversy 300 years ago, when the last of her original body parts - a brain cell - was replaced under the World Communist Government's Nano-welfare scheme. Did she still exist? She said so ... but was that just the brain cell talking?

During the restoration of the monarchy under Reagan II, Paris regained her lost fortune, bought the moon, and retired there. Some claimed she was dead. But a scrap from the oldest surviving movie clip - 'The White Location', restored by an AI who was tired of watching A.I. - says "we'll always have Paris".

But controversy is never far away. The great-great-etcetera grandchildren of her romance with Domdaniel, another star of the barbarian silicon age, are filing for genetic divorce. They - all 16,384 of them - say the affair was never consummated. "Dom wouldn't have looked twice at that vacuum-head" said one.

Paris Hilton.. heh

And Well Done winning the <Domdaniel Squabmus Christmas Movie Challenge>!!

<Dom> Paris Texas...confabulation..

heh

Also, you may appreciate the hard work being done on the <IMDB Boards> by "amateur film watchers," who often post real gems.

This is my recent favorite--

In reference to Kevin Smith's comedy <Jersey Girl>:

<"I hope <<<J-Lo>>> get ran over.">

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA

Who hasn't, at one point or another, wished to say this...

We've all been thinking it.

But this guy had the guts to say it, and grammar was no impediment!!

<Dom>- did you ever meet or interview <J-Lo>?

If so, at any time during the experience, did you find yourself thinking

"I hope J-Lo get ran over..."

Starlets come and go. You know how it is. 'Cerebral' Patsy Kensit, I remember her - but only because the Palsied Persons said I was the spawn of the devil for calling her that.

And, uh, Anne Archer. Linda 'T-2' Hamiltator. And many more, some of them possibly quite famous.

But no woman has ever impressed me. Unless you're one, of course.

Heh. That's what we in the Pro Insult Game call <a left-handed compliment>.

My right hand was busy.

Actually, I don't know that for sure either. Acute Dysparity: the inability to tell left from right.

The only way I can do it is (a) visualize a chessboard, (b) note the colour of the corner square on white's queenside, (c) remember that Ursula LeGuin wrote 'The Left Hand of Darkness' set on a planet named Winter (or Canada to its natives, who could change sex at will, like beavers moulting). Do beavers moult? My knowledge of the natural world is a whole dam lot less than it might be if I ever ventured into the allegedly great outdoors.

(d) er, that's it. Or by now the driver looking for directions has reversed over me several times in that grey area between roadkill (the, hmm, Canadian movie) and road-rage.

And I still haven't worked out which is left and right. Just that one of them is darker and, like, over there.

How I rabbit on. J-Lo? Nope, never. Unless you mean Josef Lokvenc, who taught me some of what little I know about the Benoni. Also burglary and nonlethal watchdog pacification.

Blecchh

I think <she> might be a man.

I thought we covered that topic!!

I don't want to have to rat out your <true> identity....

What should we call it?

Where Beagles Dare?
The Wood, the Pusher, its Pecker and his Pen (is mightier than the Sword)?

Attila: the Scourge of Squab? (Oops, wrong list)

Our Mutual Fine Feathered Friend? (Sounds like a Victorian charity for indigent aviarists and their spice).

Old Spice: plural of Old Spouse (argh, wrong list again ... very confusing time of year, this, I should go to Australia where it's June.)

Woody will of course be played by Chuck Norris, an actor so wooden he makes Keanu Reeves look like Wile E. Coyote.

If a Woodchuck could chuck wood, how many hectares of rainforest would a woodchuck peck on in order to upchuck a tree?

There's an opening called <Bird's Opening, Christmas Tree Variation>. The tree is formed by pawns on h2, g3, f4, e3, and d2, while the pieces hanging on f3, g2, e2, etc are the <fairy lights>. Like so many little nunchuks upchucked by a nunatak.

The fleet is lit up.

'Get ran over' = 'finish shooting, film end credits'.

'Fischer seconds' = strawberry blonde ice cream. Think Nic Kidman in a conic section, apart from the usual hyperbolics.

'end credits' = financial products which go crunch just before the End Times.

'end times' = closure of Murdochian newspaper; last employee, number fourteen son, turn out light. Charlie say, one light good enough, nobody need two lights except a moth and its mother.

'When your accent slips, be sure to have a better on one underneath' - JP Donleavy

You *are* thorough, if a mite abstruse.

<number fourteen son,>

That reminds me I forgot to ask you this--

Now just why do you think the <Sun spot> cycle is EXACTLY 23 years?

And why is the Earth tilted 23 degrees on it's axis?

And why has the earth cooled down like clockwork for millennia in a 23,000 year cycle???

Huh? Huh?

Heh

And for the Japanese they use the same word <Ran> to mean <war>.

So I suppose their wars aren't very orderly.

I think <Ran> would be a good word to describe this thread.

<Ranesque>, maybe.

<Somebody - I forget who - had uttered the phrase "judgment of Paris," and straight away Jane's delightful voice was uplifted.

I'm willing to play myself, on the condition Nic Kidman is the love interest.

It's the mid-1940s. Hundreds of thousands of young men have been called for military service and are waiting their turn to die horribly in such godforsaken spots as Midway, Wake Island, Okinawa, and Rome, Italy.

In the meantime, they have sex. It's apparently more engaging than, say, knitting.

Gore then promptly inned himself again, on the grounds that (a) there are no homosexual persons, only homosex acts, (b) Kinsey says most normal young American males have occasional experience of 'it', (c) there was a war on, which meant the chap in your hand was worth twice the gal with the bush, and (d) he might want to run for political orifice someday.

He did. Twice. Luckily, he lost: he's a better writer than senator. And almost as funny as a governor.

The solution was 'Baasch'. I had '-aasch' and had checked Raasch, Saasch, Vaasch, Naasch, etc, using a quickly-searchable database (where you can go Naa--- if you have the starting letters).

The clue for B was simply 'Solo captor' -- I thought of Han Solo (Star Wars, Reagan, Lucas, Harrison Ford, etc) and Napoleon Solo (UNCLE, Mother, Ilya Kuryakin, Vaughn, McCallum, etc) along with Solo (the card game), possible synonyms of alone/jailer, anagrams (Croat Sloop, Porca Stool, Oral Soot PC, Loots a Crop, Stoop Lorca ... O, Lots o' Crap).

What I *failed* to do was think of Jabba the Hutt, which would've given me the right answer at once. Or even try out possibilities in alphabetical order - a useful aleatory strategy when you have no other indicator - in which case the very first consonant is B.

So <SwitchingQuythulg> beat me to it. With a username like that, I bet he's a Scrabble Master too.

"Is old age a disease?"
- Thomas Pynchon, V.

I wouldn't mention this, but it throws the whole notion of <exactly 23 years> out of kilter. Or exactly anything, at that.

"Death to Exactitude! Long live Imprecision! Viva Mad Max!"

Yes, I was in fact aware of this "fact."

heh-- I see you cleverly avoided my <number 23> gambit, calculated to start you off on another two-day spate of <calculating>...

You are becoming wary-

WELL PLAYED <DOM>!

This kind of "sparring" with me will put you in good stead for this year's fabled <Easter Bunratty Tournament of the Stars>, which many of us are already excited about.

Back in the "real world", I have been immersing myself in <Science> documentaries recently and I'm "up" on the "laywoman's" summaries of the "current states of affairs" in Physics.

This, despite the fact that I cannot do simple addition without a calculator.

Some tidbits germane to your "bleat" about the term <exactly>...

Ok

1. We already know that no two properties of anything can be measured "exactly"- even with hypothetically perfecly precise measurement, the result will always be off by a number no smaller than the <uncertainty number> discovered by the great German physicist <Hindenberg Oh the Humanity>.

2. "Time" makes no sense unless married to "Matter". IE- it doesn't exist without matter, and it doesn't matter without <Existenz>, directed of course by the very fine <David Crone N' Bird> (No squabs were actually killed during the filming)

Meaning that if the Universe collapsed in on itself, <time would end>.

However, if the Universe continues to expand forever, <time will last forever> because there will still be "some matter or mass", no matter how entropic or "wispy".

3. God is not <spoken for>, as she remains unmarried. Not that anyone's asked recently, but a Girl has her pride, after fall.

4. The Irish don't wear <kilters>, or <tams> for that matter, contrary to popular belief.

5. <Mel Gibson> played both <Mad Max> and <God>, despite his <antiSemitic outbursts>, which certainly must have angered God, if not George Miller

6. If the world has grown <gravid> it means that the world is <pregnant>, and will shortly give birth to a bouncing baby <super pariticle> called the <Higgs Boon>, not to be confused with the <Higgs Folly>.

7. <kelp> is in fact enjoyed by many Koreans.

As always, I hope this has cleared up a few matters.

You are a Nic Kidman fan, and I was wondering, do you think she is even sexier now than she was when you met her?

You've GOT to be <kidman>!!

Why, she's nae meat on her, son!

I think you should go for some more "zaftig" types--

<Roseanne Barr>, for example...

Or <Margaret Thatcher> even..