You’re right of course. <Broadway Danny> is definitely in the same class as <Johnnie Walker> and badly needs games right now. A bit tough on <Ben Dover> though, who has performed admirably so far this season. And <Moose dumb bell> too. I’d certainly prefer him in the team to <Moose’s sis’ is loco>, whose manager seems to indulge rather than show any great faith in. Maybe the Moose herd needs trimming.

<Dino de Llorentiis> certainly should have subbed for the absent <Kane>. Clearly, Pocket Man has not read his Maslow and Herzberg, or he would know that players need more than top dollar pay, hotel room hookers and christmas light turn-ons to keep them motivated.

<Saint Sy of Flagon>

Yes I think <Pocket Chess> is the man of the hour. Let's see if he can make man of the decade.

<Sissoko> is the worst EPL pick since <Memphis> (remember him?). The noted footy pundit <Harry Lime> once said that <Sick of Sosoko> was underperforming because he was too busy "taking baths in French champagne."

I tell you that <Moose Dumbell> is just as hard to get off the ball as <Eden Fire Hazard> and that's saying something. I vote <Moose> as the most underrated midfielder in the league.

Yep hopefully <Pocket Chess> reads your posts and gives <Danny Boy, the Pipes the Pipes are Calling> a good 5 starts out of 5 weeks so we can see him up and down the wing at full pelt again. He showed some grand flashes of pace against <Palace> but you can see his engine will require some warming up.

Seriously though this "cup" that <Spurs> just booted by trotting out a 5th string starting 11 against <West Ham>? The "Carabao Cup" what the hell is that?

<Saint Sy> aha so then it's really true you are a <Red Devil>. I'd have thought that given your geographical coordinates you'd be a <Fulchester United> supporter, but <Man U> is certainly a good choice.

I like watching them too, but I'm not a big fan of <Jose Merano Sheep Wool's> philosophy. Too nitpicky and defensive, though he's certainly a huge improvement on <Louis the Gall of him>, who just about single handedly destroyed 300 years of Manchester United history by putting everyone, including the players, asleep.

Don't get me wrong- I love <Jose Merano Sheep's Wool> as a person. He's never so happy as when he's feeling miserable, which is a much harder trick to pull off than you might think. Also, how can you not love a man who gets banished to the upper stands on a regular basis? The best part of those (frequent) episodes is the bailiff taking away his cell-phone, which is part of the punishment for "dissent." AHAHAHAH I love <Jose> you couldn't invent such a person.

I never google footy topics because I'm afraid I'll see "spoilers". I watch the games or match of the day highlights a few days or sometimes a week after they are played, because I download them to watch later.

So I'm not going to google now- instead I will ask you sir- what happened to <Tarzan Ibrahimovic?> Is he still on <Man U> reserve with that injury, or has he taken a job elsewhere? I will watch the <Sweden v Italia> qualifier tomorrow. Will I see him on the pitch?

I'm trying to watch the <Blighty v Charles Krauthammer> friendly right now but I keep falling asleep.

<Saint Sy>

Yes you're certainly right about <Ironing Board Robben>. When not plagued by chronic injury, he flourished running up and down the wing for "Peppy" <Guardiola> at <Bayern>. As did his partner <FRONK Ribery> on the other wing, though sadly he is also plagued by recurring injury.

They were magnificent together.

I wonder why <Man U> didn't go for a big ticket wingback? Maybe they should have outbid <Man City> for <Kyle "the traitor" Walker>. Or tried to buy <Danny Rose>.

I was so mad at <Kyle Walker> but at the end of the day you can't really blame the footballer. Also <Jack Trip Wire> has been grand this year- his crosses are often stellar and produce goals. At present I don't think <Spurs> are really missing <Walker>.

No, I don’t think <Tarzan> is recovered yet, but he is still a Red and has learned from <Schweinfever> before him that opening hospital wards pays very well and ingratiates you with the fans. I sometimes feel that <Merino Sheep> would be less tolerant if their wage bills were coming from his own pocket, but like you, I have a lot of time for him, with his wry, mischevious mannerisms and snappy temperament. Such a lovable clown – the <Viktor Korchnoi> of footy. I also love how he squares up to people on the touchline, despite his physical stature being that of a minnow.

I believe we <MUFC> did try to buy a big ticket wingback, and <Broadway Danny Rose> was mentioned in dispatches, but nothing came of it.

<Big Football>

Thank you!

This is how stupid I am. When I looked at the excellent <Paul Bunyansliga> link you provided, it looked familiar.

You sent that to me before amirite and I guess I was too lazy/stupid to bookmark the site. I have now!

On other news, years ago we compared our monitor sizes. I bragged I had a 48 inch screen and you informed me you had a 50 inch?

Mine just imploded after 6 (six) years' service and I have replaced it with a 52 inch, solely to be bigger than yours.

You're not jealous are you?

<The Smiths> There is a Light

<Saint Sy>

I'm the same- Traditionally I supported <Liverpool> mainly but in recent years it's more <Tottenham>. Also I support <Stoke City> (because of Crouchy) and <Newcastle United> very recently because they brought back <Jonjo Book Shelvey>, who I used to watch on <Swansea City> who I also follow. I like Wales and I like Welsh football and I supported them during the European Championship.

Yes <Trippier> did indeed perform well and I think he still has upside. I don't think the pundits expected him to perform as well as he's doing this year at <Spurs>.

All that said, I have to say there is no "English" Club side I don't enjoy watching. I put that in quotations because nowerdays the top English Clubs don't have any fckn Englishmen on the squads.

However, I was stunned by <Gareth "Bale" Southbrook's> decision to start <Tammy Abraham>.

This is the first time a woman has ever played for the men's team amirite.

<Saint Sy of Flanagan>

Oh and I appreciate your delicacy vis a vis SPOILERS. I have just one more match to watch and I'm fully caught up- <Chelsea v ManU>.

I just saw <Man City> thoroughly vanquish <Arsenal>, and it reminded me of last season when <Spurs> beat <Man City> in their first encounter.

<Arsenal> gaffer <El Poilo Peligroso> can't be faulted on his historical gaffing record, but it was squarely his fault <Arsenal> failed to threaten. To beat <Man City> you have to throw all caution to the wind and play on the front foot, all cannons loaded and a high line with a high press. That is precisely how <Spurs> beat them last season, and that is precisely why <Arsenal> looked like a bunch of sick nuns against them.

<El Poilo Peligroso> needed to do two things to be competitive in this match:

1. Bench that lazy <Messy Oizil> and keep him there until he shows he's willing to put in a shift.

2. Start all the cannons from the opening whistle- <Sanchez>, <Decorative Tea Cozette>, and <Laurence Olivier Giroud>. Not wait until half time like he did.

IIRC, <Man City> had won their first 8 (eight) matches last season when <Spurs> beat them, and City went off form straight after. That was the most magnificent game I've seen <Spurs> play, and they'll have to show they can do that on a regular basis before they get any hardware.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/...

<Jim> Well met, and thank you brah. I may go pass the paywall by buying a prescription. <The New Yorker> is a fine magazine.

Here are highlights from the game in question, Feb 14, 2016.

Indeed, that Spurs victory over City was pivotal last season and it’s imperative that someone now steps forward and borrows from your playbook. However, I worry that <Top Sante>, De Bruyner, Aguero and chums are all looking superhuman this season. City’s fluidity and creativity in front of goal is going to be hard to resist.

<Tammy> does sound very wrong for a boy’s name, especially when his real name is Kevin! His schoolmates clearly picked him out something that would cause maximum embarrassment and it stuck …

Time for an audiovisual aid:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ha3...

But yeah, some miserable ENG performances, including <Abraham>. Gareth went a bit ‘new cap’ loopy and I’m surprised the Germans didn’t turn us over. I suspect the <real> England first XI will still echo the last Euros – certainly, I’d want <Lallana> back (and he is now close to fitness). I’d also like to see <Wilshere> and <Oxlade> if they can both keep their act together. On the other hand, I would say it’s time to axe Hart, Sturridge, Walcott and Welbeck in order to accommodate the likes of Trippier, Loftus-Cheek, and Pickford. Strikers are more difficult – <Kane>, Rashford, and who else? Only Vardy I guess.

lol <Greg Davies> well chosen- I'd never heard of him before: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ha3...

Yes <Commit Arson Bengal Tiger> is a dangerous chicken because his gaffing suffers from a lack of daring-do, and yet he has still garnered a respectable amount of hardware.

He's a frustrating gaffer in that regard, bit of both I should think. Chicken (cowardly), yet still dangerous on back class.

I don't think he's a "fit" for <Arsenal> any more though.

I did make a mistake though- I couldn't remember his name and confused him with <Manual Labor Pellegrini>.

Oh and also I couldn't agree more with your comment about the <EPL> "physicality."

This is the main reason <Lazy Ozil> can start for the World Champions but can't make any impact on determined <EPL> opposition.

He has an impressive number of assists in the <EPL> but these were mainly collected from weak teams, or strong teams who felt lazy that day.

<Paint My Dragon>

Arghh my memory is terrible. This is an edited re- post, now that I've actually remembered. The original post had an anecdote from a few years back but I realized I didn't remember it correctly enough for it to make sense even:

<Sy Stubbins> (actual famous American card trick expert and con man)

This, exactly: <On the other hand, I would say it’s time to axe Hart, Sturridge, Walcott and Welbeck in order to accommodate the likes of Trippier, Loftus-Cheek, and Pickford. Strikers are more difficult – <Kane>, Rashford, and who else? Only Vardy I guess.>

If England had any sense they would hire you.

Your <Fantasy League> sounds interesting- you guys pick gaffers and footy pundits as well?

Yes, <Gary and/or Phil Neville>; they were brothers/players for MUFC but are mostly pundits these days. Game of Throw-ins = Game of Thrones. These are just daft team names that people have invented. If you're not familiar with Fantasy Leagues, then a visit to:

https://fantasy.premierleague.com/

will be your best introduction. It requires registration (what doesn't?) but is 100% free. You could probably join late and get in some practice ahead of next season. In fact the "Join A League" button/function will probably put you in a league with other late joiners, so it will still be fun. Basically, you pick a team name, then a squad worth up to £100 million, then week by week select your best XI and hope that they perform to your expectations. Each player gets awarded points depending on goals scored, assists, clean sheets etc. There are weekly transfer possibilities and your captain (changeable) gets double points. The rules aren't too daunting and are well explained. Give it a go and you will be a <well oiled machine> come the start of next season.

More from the wit and storytelling of Greg Davies:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjO...

Grind beans exceedingly fine.

Add two teeming heapspoons.

<Teem> Thanks for that daring coffee recipe. Who knew that coffee could be so good without actually boiling it in water and running it through a filter?

Also jinx your name came up the other day on <Eddie's Horror Movie Board for People who are Incredibly Rude on the Internet>. I told everyone you were the comptroller for the 1974 Tacoma World Fair, and that you "taught Yasser Seirwan everything he knows."