[unknown player]

Figured Beer page is as good as any!

<NEW RULES FOR 2008, ACCORDING TO GEORGE CARLIN>

<New Rule>: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

<New Rule>: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?

<New Rule>: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

<New Rule>: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket -- water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

<New Rule>: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

<New Rule>: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a**hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf Grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet,' ooh, you're a HUGE a**hole.

<New Rule>: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your a**. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

<New Rule>: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait!? They're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'

<New Rule>: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

<New Rule>: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

<New Rule>: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

<New Rule>: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. '27 Months' 'He's two,' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

Hello!

Has anyone here played the game called Beer Chess that's listed on the google-link at the top of this page?

I wanted to do this for the holidays, but I think the standard rules need improvement. For example, Rule 1., I don't think a beer should be opened unless the entire thing is going to be chugged, and sipping beer? I dunno. There's also Rule 5, which allows your opponent a great backwashing opportunity. So that rule has got to be changed somehow. I was thinking to add penalty shots somewhere, but can't figure out a good way to do it.

Anyway, it looks like a fun game in need of improvement. If you're reading this and aren't sober, the set-up is to use cans of beer in place of pieces. And here are the rules: (Sorry for the doublespace).

BEER CHESS
Standard Rules:

1. When one moves a piece, one must sip from the piece moved.

2. When one's piece is captured, one must drink the entire piece.

3. Castling requires two sips: one from the King, one from the Rook

4. En passent requires only one sip (as in a standard pawn move)

5. When one's pawn reaches the eighth rank, and is exchanged for a queen (or other piece), one's opponent must drink the remainder of the pawn.

6. Once a piece is sipped, that piece must be moved. (taking back moves is not allowed)

7. One may take as long as one wants to drink a captured piece, but the piece must be quickly consumed when a second piece is captured.

8. After each exchange of pieces, the players must toast each other's health with the exchanged pieces.

9. When one is put in check, one must sip from the King.

10. Passing out constitutes a resignation.

11. A player may not go the the bathroom before his move.

12. When one is checkmated, one must drink:
1) The remainder of one's King
2) The remainder of opponent's King
3) The remainder of one's pieces.

http://www.realbeer.com/fun/games/g...

[Event "MAW International Tournament"]
[Site "http://gameknot.com/chess.pl?bd=844..."]
[Date "2007.12.20"]
[Round "-"]
[White "piedraros"]
[Black "wannabecg"]
[Result "0-1"]
[WhiteElo "1349"]
[BlackElo "1405"]
[TimeControl "777600+432000"]
[Mode "ICS"]
[Termination "normal"]