Glad you've made an appearance, but you seem awfully subdued. Hope everything is all right my friend, as we all realise how RL can intervene and change everything.

Letterman once did a chess-related top-ten list, after Kasparov's loss to Deep Blue:

TOP TEN Ways Deep Blue is Celebrating its Victory against Gary Kasparov

#10. Nailed R2-D2.

#9. Just for the hell of it, told the IRS computer to audit Bill Gates.

#8. Went online pretending to be a transvestite: had cybersex with Eddie Murphy.

#7. Spent a romantic evening at home with new girlfriend, Jenny McCarthy.

#6. Got drunk and beat the crap out of a Nintendo.

#5. Called up Moviephone and bought Gary Kasparov 20 tickets for everything.

#4. Doing a guest spot on "Friends" as Monica's "brainy" new boyfriend.

#3. Enjoyed a refreshing game of pong.

#2. Downloaded some pictures of Teri Hatcher and gave the 'ol mouse a workout.

#1. He's going to www.Disneyworld.com!

TOP TEN Moments when you should sense danger in chess

#10. There has been a change in the pawn structure. Your opponent has eight and you don’t have any.

#9. Your opponent begins to throw pawns at your eyes.

#8. You have a won position, but your opponent has a gun.

#7. The Director tells you not to bother turning in your score sheet after the game.

#6. Before the game begins you notice your opponent’s first initials are ‘GM’.

#5. After completing your development you sense your opponent is playing the endgame.

#4. Just as you make your opening move your opponent announces mate in 11.

#3. You don’t control any squares at all.

#2. Your draw offer sends all the people watching your game into uncontrollable laughter.

#1. Your opponent has three bishops.

TOP TEN Ways to tell if you are winning your Chess Game

#10. Your opponent stands on the table yelling at the top of his lungs “Why must I lose to this IDIOT!”

#9. Your opponent leaves the tournament hall without resignation or stopping the chess clock and doesn’t return.

#8. Your opponent begins to complain about interference by spectators, the noise of traffic, toothache, headache, backache, the foulness of your breath, bad lighting, blinding lighting, defective chessman, a board too large, a board too small, hypnotism, an atomic explosion in Siberia, the Government, or simply a blue bottle blundering across the roadway.

#7. In an adjourned position, your opponent seals the move “Aufgegeben”

#6. Your opponent picks up his king and throws it across the room.

#5. Your opponent starts mumbling “Nobody has ever won a game by resigning”.

#4. Your opponent shows his overwhelming disgust by grimacing distastefully, closing his eyes, shaking his head violently, then turning aside, pushes the chessman away from him as if they were poisoned.

#3. Your opponent suddenly stands up and, grabbing the wooden chess board, breaks it over your head.

#2. Your opponent grabs you and throws you out the window.

#1. Your opponent begins to describe you as the greatest patzer in chess history and then denounces the tournament committee for inviting people whose chess is so wretched that it sickens a real master.

<Open Defence: Topalov to Kramnik - is that a Fritz in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?>

That's the sound of the wind whistling over the heath.

I fear <Dear Dom> may have ventured out on the <Grimpen Moor> after dark?

Suffice it to say that we all miss you and hope you are having grand adventures away from your computer.

Still want to read <Entropanto> and send you my piece as well...

Hi everyone. Sorry for, ah, flickering like this. I haven't even got a coherent excuse - I just got drained of chess energy, and then the other kinds went, and inertia kicked in. I even pulled out of an OTB tournament being held literally across the street. I'm fine now.

Remember that game we had with that guy, Arno? Might have been an overreaction to that, just like Arno himself catching flu when it ended.

And I had some other stuff to catch up on too. But you can't keep an addict away for long.

Now. Normally I'd try to respond individually to everyone who posted a message here. Under present circs this would be boring and repetitive, so I'll just hum tunelessly and carry on as normal.

We've all got used to engines on the brute-force tactical level. It was a bit of a shock to masters, 20+ years ago, when computers got good - demonstrating in the process that almost all human play is flawed and error-strewn. But chessplayers have consoled themselves with something mysterious and magical that machines don't have. It's called - not, not The Soul, although they have a certain amount in common - intuition or positional insight.

Item. Ray Keene's book on Petrosian contains several strangely begrudging references to analysis done by 'Kasparov and his computers' - as though there were something vaguely shameful in a world champion using engines for analysis (we'll leave the Topalov stuff aside for now...).

And Raymondo was also seemingly underwhelmed by World vs Nickel. Here's the theory. First engines steal the GMs' tactical thunder, so they fall back on insight. Now another entity claims to possess it - and it doesn't actually matter whether that other entity is a superpowered computer or a gestalt effect from experts and amateurs working together.

The point is more of that grandmasterly mystique has been whittled away.

As McLuhan said: a medium amputates the organ it extends. A chess engine may extend my prowess, but to a certain type of old-style grandmaster, it's another step towards the end of civilization as we knew it.

Looks like the smart thing to do is turn centaur...

Now, if a foolproof method could be devised to prevent cheating...