Funny how, when our heroes play like toothless crones, we all feel like underlings.

These are troubled times. THFC and MUFC are both trying the patience of their fans, big time.

Yes, <Pocket Eno>’s body language looks a bit too casual, or disinterested – almost like he is lining up a new job ( - in Miniature Roxy Music perhaps?).

Meanwhile, <Ollie Salt Shaker> needs to add some pepper to the recipe, because everything is unseasonably flat right now. The management team is devoid of ideas, the senior players are totally out of form, and the youngsters are still largely untried. Those who should now be ‘broken in’ (Lingard, Rashford and Martial) have repeatedly shown that they can’t be consistent at this level, yet it seems Salt Shaker, like <Merino Sheep> before him, won’t ever admit it. A faint glimmer of hope lies in Dan James and Mason Greenwood, but they are still an ocean of vinegar away from being automatic picks.

I was at a <Belinda Carlisle> concert on Saturday night while <Match of the Day> was on, and didn’t even bother to record it. That’s how fed up I am. Hopefully I’ll escape the doldrums at some point, but for now I can’t even take heart from NUFC, as they too are playing without any conviction. Sick nuns you say? Yes, that’s the term, and especially apt for a team in playing in black and white.

Well, you predicted good things for <Tammy Wynette> and you weren’t wrong. He is knocking them in against the weaker teams, so the only question is, can he do it against quality defenders? I hope he can, because England are very light on strikers right now.

<Go Teem!>

Yes quite right it is curious. I think that becoming an athletic supporter involves some considerable portion of narcissism. The flip side to the personal feeling of worthlessness is the ill-gotten feeling of omnipotence that accompanies the triumphs of your <Teem>.

On directly related news, today is the anniversary of the passing of legendary Scottish footballer <Jock Strapp>, who garnered as much athletic support as any in footy history, with the possible exception of Manchester United's <Wan Nutsacka>.

This "wedding tackle" highlight reel will confirm <Nutsacka's> prodigious skill in denying balls to his opponents:

Nutsacka Sweet Tacka

Could be a new craze for the Xmas season.

No denying the block and tackle on that rig.

http://viz.co.uk/2014/10/04/oh-bust...

<Tim> If I read correctly, you are suggesting we market a testicle flavored sweet for the Christmas season?

<Portmenteau Mushrooms>

I have seen a lot of good footy over the last three weeks. Thank goodness there are more than two clubs. Yesterday I listened to 90 minutes of straight talk from <Gary Neville> about what United have to do. He was dead right about Liverpool a few years back, as I've mentioned before: Get rid of the keeper and spend several hundred million pounds to bring in a proper keeper and center back he said.

Gary's prescription for United: It will take 2-3 transfer windows and they need to spend at least 500 million pounds and this time pick some decent players instead of the two duds they already wasted 900 million pounds on. Gazza says ManU will remain emasculated and adrift for at least two seasons and more if they don't do what he says. He said all this during United's last match. When <Rashford> just sat down on the pitch and didn't get up again, I don't think he was injured. I think he had been listening to Gazza's commentary on a blue tooth.

I almost finished watching every single Premier match now from week 6.

Matches of the week very exciting full of drama and fruity footy: <Norwich v Man City> and <Arsenal v Aston Villa>.

Absolutely right. It’s hard to think of a good purchase made by any manager since <Massey Ferguson>. <Luke Shaw> was decent, but he was mercilessly scorned by <Jose MoreVino> and even now, is inexplicably playing second fiddle to Ashley Young, who is normally dreadful.

Recently, <Wan Moussaka> and <The Magwitch> were obviously fine acquisitions, but they need some competent, committed midfielders and strikers to play with. <Poggers> ought to have been good, but £90m +? Never that good. <Sanchez> was a disaster, but in some ways more understandable – it was a roll of the dice that enabled the exit of that other famous dud <MuckitUp Hairy’Un>. But generally, when you spend big bucks, you want someone who is non-temperamental and dependable, week in, week out, especially down the spine of the team. There is never enough attention paid to this crucial aspect of personality.

As I said earlier, MUFC can write off Mata and Matic (and Young) for reasons of form and age. Lingard, Rashford and Martial are all too similar, don’t mesh together well, aren’t consistent, and don’t get enough goals. <Mason Greenwood> has got more goals from open play in the last two weeks than Rashford has in 6 months.

I’d tell <Salt Shaker> to start selling those six turkeys at Christmas, buy one GOOD player immediately and save the rest of the cash for summer. The remaining youngsters would probably ensure a mid-table finish and gain from the experience. Of course, the problem is then attracting good players with no European football next season, but what the heck, money talks … and if ManU can’t afford it, then who can? Other clubs have wealthier backers, but ManU probably still have the largest revenue of any club.

Yeah, hard to forget that Norwich-Man City game. What a scorcher. I did enjoy the Arsenal game too, but I don’t get to watch whole games … where do you find the time?

Bluetooth headphones, enabling some sage words to be targetted at your player of choice sounds a great idea. A fan lottery every week, where ten lucky winners (the previous week’s best performer is exempt) get to do this, would raise billions over the season and would give those over-inflated egos a deserved good kicking. Please arrange this ASAP!!!

---

Ever seen a better goal than this one? Wow … the distance and arrow-like precision is something else …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5J...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye7...

My name is Talky Teema and you better be nice to me.

<Psychopomp my Dragon>

I have put myself in mothballs since watching the last two Spurs games. I didn't think it could get any worse than being ejected from the EFL Cup by the <St. Trinian's Girls Academy and Lawn Bowling Club>, but as you know it could get much worse.

So yesterday I finally forced myself to watch <England v Czecho>. Yes, watching England play their worst match since <Rorke's Drift> really put me back in the mood for footy. You know Liverpool's <Jordan Ned Flanderson> has never convinced me. For me, he has never been more than a journeyman, at best. Against <Czecho> he fell far below that level.

But anyways how could it all get worse now I suppose I'm going to find out. It's footy day here in Canada so I suppose I will find the Spurs' latest date that will live in infamy and dutifully watch more of their reenactment of Pearl Harbor.

<Tim> that "2 minute Twighlite project" is surprisingly effective eh? That was even scarier on 2 minutes than full length, if anything.

I had this strange desire to stand on Kojak because I always wanted to be on the Telly.

<Time for Halloween viewing>

I no rite? It was the hair that was throwing me off. <Tellytubby> still had some hair in that episode.

Have you lined up any <Hollow Wiener> viewing? I recommend this highly- a pitch perfect parody of the old "TV Networks" and "old adverts" which you may remember. Thanks to the internets this kind of fare is long dead, but here it is resurrected LIKE A ZOMBIE if you catch my drift...

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt310407...

<Paint my House>

Doh! I had thought it was Saturday in Canada, but it's Friday. <Spurs> are tomorrow.

I blame <Greenwich Clocks> which is the ones the internets use. Possibly.

HERESY: I don't think <Gareth Bale> is the right gaffer to bring <England> back into the winner's circle. They have not won a major tournament since they bested the Kraut back in ought 66, as you well know. You heard it here first, they will not win a tournament under <Bale>.

Looks like a screaming laff fest. Is it anything like the <Bare Which Process>?

It couldn't possibly be more different than the <Bilar Witch Porpoise> if it had set out as a concept: "Let's think of a film that would be the EXACT OPPOSITE of the <Bilar Witch> in every possible sense."

It is exceedingly funny, heart warming, spooky, scary and in the final scene... well let's just say I didn't see that coming.

Recent scienterrific studies have recently revealed that "Only crabby people" wouldn't like this film.

Are you still on PLOP BOX I can send this to you eh.