<Tiggler> Yes well it's way better to have too many strikers than just one. <PMS> and I have been complaining for years that Spurs did not have a backup for the oft-injured <Hazza Kane>.

I counseled against spending money on <Bale>, but since Spurs suddenly started spending the GDP of England on 200 new players, he's probably going to prove useful. He needs to get match fit for starters.

It was teething and lengthy chronic injury that ended <Bale's> Spanish salad days.

<Pain My Dragon>

As you know, I watch every <Spurs> and every <Reds> match, and the most exciting of these I saw in a long while was <ManU v Everton>.

What a titanic struggle! <Everton> is truly "born again hard" with Italian superstar gaffer and popular American TV star <Anna Maria Alberghetti> at the helm!

<Golly Olly Satssoebaden> finally has something to smile about.

<I HEAR THE DRUMS FERNANDO> managed to hit every high and low possible in the same match. <Steve McManananhahahahahahnan> rightly chose him as man of the match in his titanic Bt Sports star turn with <Darren "Fletch" Fletcher>.

I was on tenter hooks the whole game. What a wonderful final minute with <Edison Cave In> notching his Reds debut goal. What a classy guy eh especially by the (frankly vicious) standards of South American football.

A real gentleman, like <Suarez> but without biting the other players.

<Thomas Edinson> reminds me of <Ozzy Ardiles> in the "deportment department."

Who will sing a kind word for <Ozzy>?

Hmm, that’s strange, I normally get to see the beginning of your latest forum entry on the Forums page, but this time there was only < … >. Either someone had forgotten to put money in the meter, or all the available bytes had been sucked out by <Olga>, that power hungry vamp of pgn viewers.

Your observation is correct. It may not be widely spoken of, but when Voyager left our solar system, it was adorned with images of <Edinson ‘The Caveman’> and <‘Aussie’ Art Dealers>. I believe that the boffins at NASA rated them #1 and #2 in their <deportment appreciation sessions> on the lead up to the mission. Sadly, they did not plump for Chas and Dave’s Greatest Hits to be the CD they would most like aliens to tap their feet to. I would imagine that honour went to the Carpenters and their soothing ballad <Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Space>.

<Who will sing a kind word for Ozzy>? The lyric doesn’t sound overly complimentary does it? “He’s on his way to Wembley, his knees have gone all trembly.”

It was also nice to remember <Sue Johnston> in her natural form. By the time Downton Abbey came along, her face had been entirely re-sculpted from botox and silicon as far as I recall.

The Everton-MUFC clash turned out well for <Ollie Shropshire> who was coming under some pressure for his abysmal league position. It was a decent performance for sure, but Everton weren’t the pushover that the scoreline might suggest. Probably, the <Red Devils> were more blessed in the finishing department, as you indicated.

<PMD>

Yes <Hookie> had an unerring ear for what must have been at least half of England eh? How your average English family lives, and thinks, and speaks.

Very tragic her early death, as you pointed out some months ago. I still regularly run through all <Royle> seasons and specials- at least five times so far.

My favorite is the first Christmas special when they are watching the "Flying Twatting Snowman" stage show on the telly, though that can't possibly be the actual title.

<Portobello My Mushrooms>

Thanks for the hot tip on <Villa vs Gunners> that was indeed a special match. I just watched the whole thing and easily one of the most exciting I've seen.

I remember the last game <Tim Sherwood> gaffed, the season <Villa> went down. They had a decent squad on raw talent, featuring both <Ayew> brothers and a very young, and very skinny <Jack Grealish>.

<Sherwood> was half shaven, disheveled, and looked like he had been drinking for a week. He had announced he would step down if <Villa> didn't win that day, and they did not. He was a decent gaffer and probably still is.

<Grealish> has put on 2 stone of muscle and carries it well eh? Absolutely a premier player now. Ear to ear smile that is new- he's got the swagger and like <Hazza Kane> is "just enjoying me football."

Three goals on the trot for <Villa's> exciting young striker <Stan N' Ollie> and it was yet another entry in the "just how long can <Aubamayang's> face get" contest.

Did <Ozzie Ardiles> really arrange a chess master footy match?

I didn't have the heart to google it for fear it wasn't true...

You really can't overestimate how much the punters loved <Ozzy> though...

<Cibator> If you fancy a respectable packet on long odds, bet <Spurs> heavily for the next few fixtures.

<Potting my Soil>

Now I'm watching your next recc <City v Liverpool> on Sky.

<Martin Tyler/Gary Neville> in the booth and <Jaimie Aircraft Carragher> roving the sidelines.

Best commentary team ever NO EXCEPTIONS.

Too good not to share again:

<Martin to Gary>: "Where's Jaimie Carragher?"

Also VAR has got to go. If this keeps up the lads will be shooting for the other guy's arm in the box instead of at the freaking goal.

I think <De Bruyne> unconsciously deliberately missed his penalty vs. Liverpool because he felt so guilty about it.

The Liverpool player was clearly trying to move his arm out of the way.

The referee saw this. You could see from his face he did not want to give the penalty.

But according to the communist dictatorship currently in charge of English footy, the referee had to obey or be shot by current English football commissar <Joseph Stalin>.

If only <Henry VIII> were alive to see this. He'd have none of it.

If we're doing repetition, it's been a while since we visited the <Merseyside School of Enunciation> …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDa...

***************

Yeah. VAR needs an overhaul, or maybe scrapping altogether.

This weekend’s <Patrick Bamford> (Leeds disallowed goal) incident was an embarrassment and a travesty. Like good strikers ought to, he pointed to where he wanted the ball to be played, and while being careful to stay behind the defender, was penalised for allowing his hand to stray offside!

For f**** sake! It is clear that this <Joe Stalin> fella doesn’t know his a*** from his elbow - literally.

If he won’t let us scrap VAR, then two simple changes should be made immediately:

1. Revert the latest handball rule. The ref MUST see the player make a deliberate attempt to move his hand/arm towards the track of the ball. It worked fine before. Why was it rejected?

2. Make the offside rule less prohibitive to attacking football – how about … ‘no attacking player is offside if ANY PART of their body is level with ANY PART of the defender’s body? This would mean that the attacker would have anything up to an extra yard in which to operate, without worrying about protruding body parts, or whether he should have clipped his toenails before the game!

We would then have NO complaints if VAR caught out strikers who couldn’t make this work for them, because VAR would simply be pointing out that they are too incompetent to benefit from this generous extra margin of error, and no longer belong in the Prem.

The corollary being that VAR goes from villain to hero and even gets an invite to the <Dog & Ferret>. More than that ... I'm considering Christmas cards and gift-wrapped packs of lens-cleaning wipes.

<Portsmouth My Didgereedoo>

Well said <Jim>!

As per your implied instructions, I watched my favorite <Royle Family> episode last night the first Christmas Special.

Oddly, the <Jim Royle> quotes sound eerily familiar one episode to the next...

<Plainsville, Indiana My Dingo>

Your fix for VAR makes eminent sense to me, which is a sure sign that it will never be adopted.

The new offside rules were terrible even before VAR. But it's connected- the referee has no power with VAR which is the main goal, apparently.

The rules should be slanted in favor of producing goals scored in play- NOT in favor of producing more penalty kicks.

If the ref/linesman notices a close call on offside, his obligation is to favor the attacker. That whimsical notion is now long gone.

I wasn't kidding about <De Bruyne> I think the ridiculous rule had something to do with his missed penalty.

It was the way he missed it= like you or I would miss it if we took it.

On the other hand, <Man City> has apparently forgotten how to score penalties. They have a shocking number of missed freebies over the last year, as I'm sure you're aware of.

True. Footballers have always suffered from the temptations of a nearby pub. And when I say nearby, they often build them into the stadium or build the stadium right next to the town’s best pubs.

Take Newcastle’s <The Strawberry> for instance – it was for 20 years my dad’s regular lunchtime haunt. Steeped in memorabilia, and as close to the stadium as it appears on the header photo here …

http://thestrawberrypub.co.uk/straw...

For my 11th birthday, dad filled an Autograph book with members of the Newcastle squad, without once stepping outside The Strawberry.

<’Gorgeous’ Georgie Best> was of course a prolific drinker, but Tottenham legend <Jimmy Greaves> was perhaps the most renowned for getting plastered on a daily basis. It was quite common in footy back then, yet repeat offenders got only the mildest of rebukes, particularly if they could maintain a formidable goal tally.

Unlike Best, the Greaves 'gift' was not one of athleticism. His skill-set was that of the poacher, turning on a sixpence, and relying on placement, like a Suarez, or an Aguero. But still, imagine how good he might have been if he’d taken fitness seriously!

Regarding <De Bruyne Bottle>, I’ve got no idea if he would take his sense of fairness that far, but I totally see what you mean. He dragged that penalty horribly wide, and even allowing for the rainy weather, it didn’t look like something a player of his calibre would be capable of.

Great observation about <Grealish> too. It looked like his career had stalled until the skinny lad suddenly gained a more muscular physique. He’s not overdone it either, the pace is still there.

<Parking On Drunks>

What a lovely pub eh? It's making me pine for VIZ magazine.

http://al20102007.narod.ru/matches/...

I envy you your drunken footy reminiscences, having none of my own...

I DON'T DRINK which I am not at all sure is the right lifestyle choice for me.

I enjoy reading about drinking and watching people drink though.

Very good information on the legendary <Jimmy Greaves> who now has to worry about <Hazza Kane> breaking all his Spurs records.

I didn't know they'd done a feature on Soviet Chess Databases tho ... lol. It's a comic full of surprises.

Since the covid era, I've drunk next to no alcohol and the trend was already downwards. To be honest I don't like drinking in the house and pubs feel a bit 'out of bounds', especially now that the warm weather has gone and the outdoor seating has hibernated.

A heads-up for tonight's ENG game - a friendly against the 'Oirish'. I think it's the usual saga. Tonight the warm-up and then Sunday and Tuesday for the Qualifier games.

<Port HOLD THAT PORT>

My mother's washing machine is leaking also. My best guess is this is a conspiracy with a British Columbia = Avon on Thames (your home town) axis.

I am impatiently waiting for the Blighty game to come on to a streaming site-

Mainly I want to see how many lads the gaffer will trot out for a look. I hope he's still looking.

Did <Grealish> decide to play for Ireland (and if so which Ireland) or England?

Pound for pound he may be the best in England if not for the irritatingly brilliant whiny child <Raheem Pounds Sterling>.

I will never forget the look of scornful dismay <Vincent Kompany> had on his face when forced to do a "dual interview" with <Sterling>.

If looks could kill...

<Kompany> was also irritatingly imperious, but I can swallow that a lot easier than an upstart whiner.

That said, if <Sterling> comes through for Blighty I will instantly become his biggest fan.

I hope <Wan Nutsaka> gets a long look. He has been the best defender in the league all season for my money.

Calamity. New washing machine required! And it’s going to be another Bosch.

Throughout my family, there’s been a longheld distrust of any engineering that isn’t German. I did agree with them in the 1980s, but really, the world has moved on and companies like Bosch and Volkswagen charge a premium that probably isn’t warranted any more. I discovered this when I purchased a Zanussi fridge/freezer that lasted 25 years without any issues other than the fact that it didn’t re-stock itself with food.

I have reminded mother that the Germans are no longer sweeping through Europe in their superior Panzer and Tiger tanks. But did she listen? No.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Without giving too much away, <Billy Bathgate> was in his usual friendly=experimental mood last night. I suppose his hands are effectively tied, if he has to assure certain managers that their biggest assets won’t return bashed up and exhausted.

<Sterling Silver> is indeed an annoying character. If some yob gave him a mild ‘happyslapping’ and posted it on YouTube, I regret to admit that my finger would be hovering over the ‘Like’ button.

I’m joking! He’s a lovely chap and has great tattoos. More to the point, his record is good, so we can certainly expect to see him in the serious games.

Other forwards like <Patrick Bum-fad> and <Dominic Culvert-Viewing> will be pushing for some long-term action, but for me, they’re a bit too Kane in their style, so we know who wins that battle when something’s at stake. <Harold Kane>.

Has Vardy said he'd come back? Not sure if I heard that or not. I hope so. He may have under-achieved in the past, but if he ever brings the Leicester form then he's a world beater.

Like you, I’ve become a huge fan of <Jack Greedyfish>, but did he play last night? You’ll just have to watch to find out!

<Billy Bathgate>?

So we have decided to just stop pretending we are really looking for a proper gaffer, and hired <Dustin Hoffman>