I digress. ManU have been very patchy of late. Yes, <Thomas Edison Cavani> may be a useful addition to the ranks, but I think one of <Stan & Ollie>’s big foibles is that it takes him forever to decide on who works well together and in what formation. So, I’m not expecting things to gel for quite some time. Van de Beek has been okay so far, and may eventually fit in, but Ollie needs to make some big decisions on who to discard.

This is where he stumbles regularly – trying to keep everyone in touch. There’s simply too many midfielders to accommodate … McTominay, Fernandez, Mata, James, Van de Beek, Pogba, Lingard, Fred, Matic … they’ve even added Pellistri. When you consider that Martial, Greenwood and Rashford are more attacking midfielders than they are out-and-out strikers, then it becomes ridiculous. Any manager worth his salt-shaking would by now know that some of those guys are not worth taking forward.

What else have I been watching this week? Oh yes, Audrey Hepburn. I’ve been dazzled by her acting, style, beauty for a lifetime, but only recently learned that she spoke 5 languages as well …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2x...

Too much. How many gifts should one person be endowed with?

I can't remember a <Christian X> footy scandal from the late 90s eh. Can you tell me the story brah.>

They appointed a Swiss called Christian Gross as manager, a man with precious little of note on his football CV, most of which was accumulated in his native country. ("Show us your medals!" was one reputed catchcry from the Spurs players.) He never commanded respect and the club seemed to head only one way (south) in the ten months he was there. Eventually club chairman Alan Sugar sez "You're fired!" and appointed George Graham, formerly manager of That Other Lot.

<Cibator> I am sorry to hear the good <Cibatrix> is on the mend. Cycling accident?

Not for the first time, since here in Canada we don't live in Roman Britain, it's a good job your name isn't <Dominus> eh? If you catch my drift...

Thanks for the grim Spurs anecdote. I didn't begin supporting them seriously until the "2000s".

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<Paint my Figeroa>

Yes I watched the "rained in" <Red vs Blues> match in its entirety, and despite the 0-0 "score" I really enjoyed it.

That was down largely to the <Bt Sports> commentators who are almost as good as <Gary Neville> and <Jaime Aircraft Carragher>, who were recently voted "best footy analysts all time NO EXCEPTIONS" by a fictional media watch group I just made up.

It is called "Footy in your Mouth" and so far we only have one subscriber. Yes I am the only subscriber.

If you wish to subscribe for the low price of a "flatter" simply post all of your bank, credit card and paypal information here in my forum and I will sign you right up. Be sure to include passwords to expedite "service" if you catch my drift...

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Anyways the <Bt Sports> lads complained frequently, and bitterly, about VAN DER BEAK not being on the pitch "What is the point of paying 60 million dollars for a player of his quality when he's going to be sat in the stands for the entire season" they railed.

Quite right!

Here is a very brief summary of <Reds vs Blues> scoreless draw- let me know if you can't see this video= it is from the official Chelsea footy site:

Hmm, I only divulge credit card details to friendly old Nigerians who have discovered gold mines and once underway with my start-up money, will eventually pay me back tenfold. I'd have to be mad not to.

I could however offer a bag of pears for membership of your exclusive club. They are very juicy and would brighten up a Victoria Sponge no end. Thinly sliced on top of the jam layer and under the fresh cream. Yum.

Yes, I thought the ManU-Chelski match was much better than the scoreline suggested – plenty of end-to-end action. It is completely strange that De Beek is not always starting games. How is he supposed to fulfill his high price-tag potential if he isn’t given a full-time role? Madness. Ollie needs to get ruthless and pander less to all quarters of his over-inflated squad.

<Pointy Fern>

Yes! There are certain players who always want to play, to start every match and play every minute. They often have a high price tag. VAN DER BEAK and CHRISTIAN BALE are two of these.

Actually the king of this was VAHNSAHNT KOMPANY who actually refused to leave the pitch when <City Gaffer> and <legendary Brazilian forumula 1 star> Emerson Fittipaldi tried to sub him out.

<Bale> can only re-become the special bun if the old special bun starts him game in and game out. You don't get match fit by "being a sub" or skipping games.

The talented "American Psycho" actor is so far from match fit he would not look out of place in a <St. Preen on Loch Stoch and Two Smoking Barrels School for Young Presbyterian Scottish Middle-Form Girls in Trouble> draughts tournament.

<Bale> is sluggish and tentative, and in that state he's not likely to get over missing against an empty net against the Hammers like he did the other day. You need to start him right away next match and the next after that. You need to throw him ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH and 100 MORE TIMES OVER THE BREACH if that's what it takes.

Either the rust flakes off, or <Spurs> management sets in for another 10 year weep for backing the wrong expensive pony- again.

PLAY THEM TILL THEY DROP OR WIN THE GOLDEN BOOT should be a mantra for the managers of such super goal scorers.

Does <Hozza Kane> want to start every match and play every minute even when he's broken his leg (again)? Well yes. Yes he does.

===

Good call on the underrated superstar <Haggghmezz Rodreegz> (actual pronunciaton of his name). I'm glad to see he has found a place to shine again.

<Chancho> thanks so much for the recc brah.

I watched episode 1 of THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT on netflix what a good shoe!

For once they got all the chess terminology and facts correct. I read an article about this shoe on "Vulture" which said the chess technical advisers for this film included <Bruce Pandolfini> and <Garry Kasparov>.

I also recommend this movie for chess fans. It's a 7 hour long movie cut in to 7 pieces.

<Port D'Arbanville>

Well I just watched <ManU v Leipzig> and what a fabulous match. This is footy!

<Wan Nutsacka> clearly the defensive standout, saved at least two goals with clinical tackles inside his own box. He deserves a shout for the England side.

<VAN DER BEAK> started and was solid, but when replaced by <Bruno I hear the Drums Fernando> that's when the fireworks really started with the pinpoint passing.

A few minutes later and bob's your uncle he combines with <I have an Irritating Rashford> for two quickies.

<Ozzy Soltsoebaeden Pepper Shaker> was dancing up and down after that I can tell you.

Belter! What a world it would be if we could watch our boys play the likes of LASK and RB Leipzig every week.

<Rashford MBE> was a monster, and there was something clockwork and industrious about them all that I’d not seen for a while. Even <Paul ‘Poggers’ Pogba> managed to combine some honest work rate with defence-splitting passes.

Why can’t they show the same enthusiasm in regular league matches? It’s a baffler. Bafflers and belters. Is there any other kind of football?

<Ole Soulsearcher> may well have come close to bursting a blood vessel or two. In his mind, I believe he was transported to those days when his own hat-trick heroics were the toast of Old Trafford.

I felt a bit sorry for <Bruno, there was something in the air that night, Fernando>. A streak of about 20 scored pens, followed by 2 misses, meant that this was the perfect opportunity to get him back in the groove. So Ole’s decision to give the ball to <Deputy U.S. Marshal> seemed a bit mean to me. Yes, nice to break his duck, but he, more than anyone, needs to get goals from open play if he’s going to make it onto future teamsheets. Mind you, there were others who believed that Rashford should have taken it, as he hadn't yet netted his third.

Well said, my good <Dragon>

I was going to get you a Flippity Fish for Hollow Weenies but then I realized you wouldn't get anything done.

<Tim> heh...

As you almost surmised, I am in fact the "Flippity Fish" distributor for Abbotsford.

Much more terrifying, and apropos to HELLO, WIENER! is how you know about Abbotsford?

Even people who live in Abbotsford have never heard of Abbotsford.

I can report, however, that it is the nicest town you'll ever want to go through on your way to a real destination.

I have driven through there countless times on the way to the blueberry fields to watch the bears eating the farmer's produce. The farmers have to flood light their fields and sit in them with shotguns all night in bear season.

It is called "Blueberry way" and boasts the biggest blueberry plantations in the world.

Still further, and you can find the famous "dead end" hiking trail which I almost lost my dog on a few years ago. Imagine my surprise when I gave up in despair, and on returning to base camp found her sitting on the bonnet of my car!

<Tim Terror> Yes I know terror. Tonight I will take my trusty new dog and we will visit the ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND in my home town. I have been there before in the day, but not at night on HALLOWED WIENER.

It's hard to find, off in the forest but as mentioned I know where it is.

My trusty new dog and I plan to try to bring the dead ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND pets back to life, like in the Stephen King novel PET SEMATARY.

Perhaps then you can get them to a nunnery so you can have a Pet Seminary.

As you know, the possibilities with pets are unfathomable. They are ready for whatever.

<Tim> On an (extremely rare) chess post, do you still have the notorious JAVA on your computer?

There's a gigantic chess game database that runs (or ran) on JAVA. I actually downloaded JAVA again to try to get it to work.

Some site functionality seems to be in order- you can still upload games to their database.

But I can't get the "search games" function to work.

If you still have JAVA might you test to see if you can get the "search games" function to work for you?

Here is the search games page:

http://www.chesslab.com/PositionSea...

You know in the course of trying to get this to work last night I found dozens of websites, some not run by "cranks," that said JAVA got a raw deal eh.

Consensus seems to be that the security problems with JAVA were nowhere near as bad as people were saying.

<Tim> JINX I was just now queuing up IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN CHARLIE BROWN as an appetizer for my midnight jaunt to the ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!!

You really know your HALLOWED WIENER.

I, too, suspect that the Mocha Java caper had something to do with the enormous court battle between Google and Oracle. Logic suggests that if there was something wrong with Java, the whole world would collapse. Virtually all puters ran Java as a scripting language. That is code that can execute without a post back to the server, thus saving a microsecond or two. Microsoft may also be a bad actor since they stand to gain from use of their scripting languages. Funny thing is that Microsoft's best offering is C# which is a Java clone. Irony in action.

Anywho, you may have better luck with browsers other than Gorgon. Perhaps they haven't jumped on that band wagon.