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Phony Benoni
Member since Feb-10-06 · Last seen Jun-11-22
Greetings, O Seeker After Knowledge! You have arrived in Dearborn, Michigan (whether you like it or not), and are reading words of wisdom from a player rated 2938--plus or minus 1000 points.

However, I've retired from serious play--not that I ever took playing chess all that seriously. You only have to look at my games to see that. These days I pursue the simple pleasures of finding games that are bizarre or just plain funny. I'd rather enjoy a game than analyze it.

For the record, my name is David Moody. This probably means nothing to you unless you're a longtime player from Michigan, though it's possible that if you attended any US Opens from 1975-1999 we might have crossed paths. Lucky you.

If you know me at all, you'll realize that most of my remarks are meant to be humorous. I do this deliberately, so that if my analysis stinks to High Heaven I can always say that I was just joking.

As you can undoubtedly tell from my sparkling wit, I'm a librarian in my spare time. Even worse, I'm a cataloger, which means I keep log books for cattle. Also, I'm not one of those extroverts who sit at the Reference Desk and help you with research. Instead, I spend all day staring at a computer screen updating and maintaining information in the library's catalog. The general public thinks Reference Librarians are dull. Reference Librarians think Catalogers are dull.

My greatest achievement in chess, other than tricking you into reading this, was probably mating with king, bishop and knight against king in a tournament game. I have to admit that this happened after an adjournment, and that I booked up like crazy before resuming. By the way, the fact I have had adjourned games shows you I've been around too long.

My funniest moment occurred when I finally got a chance to pull off a smothered mate in actual play. You know, 1.Nf7+ Kg8 2.Nh6+ Kh8 3.Qg8+ Rxg8 4.Nf7#. When I played the climactic queen check my opponent looked at the board in shocked disbelief and said, "But that's not mate! I can take the queen!"

Finally, I must confess that I once played a positional move, back around 1982. I'll try not to let that happen again.

>> Click here to see phony benoni's game collections.

Chessgames.com Full Member

   Phony Benoni has kibitzed 18634 times to chessgames   [more...]
   Jun-11-22 M Blau vs Keres, 1959 (replies)
 
Phony Benoni: Not a good recommendation for the DERLD. Out of 59 moves, White makes only three in Black's half of the board. And two of those conist of 3.Bb5 and 6.Bxc6.
 
   Jun-11-22 chessgames.com chessforum (replies)
 
Phony Benoni: Er, it's back. Karpov vs Timman, 1988
 
   Jun-10-22 Orlo Milo Rolo
 
Phony Benoni: Marco!
 
   Jun-10-22 Lilienthal vs Bondarevsky, 1947
 
Phony Benoni: Another one for you King Hunters. Black's monarch travels fron g8 to b8, then takes the Great Circle Route back to h3 before calling it a day.
 
   Jun-10-22 GrahamClayton chessforum (replies)
 
Phony Benoni: <GrahamClayton> I've posted a question for you at L T Magee vs J Holland, 1948
 
   Jun-10-22 L T Magee vs E L Holland, 1948 (replies)
 
Phony Benoni: <GrahamClayton> The source you cite, <Chess Review, May 1948, p. 24>, gives Black's name as <E Holland> "Chess Life" (June 5, 1948, p. 1) has a table of results giving <E L Holland>. That form also appears in USCF rating supplements for a player fro ...
 
   Jun-09-22 Biographer Bistro (replies)
 
Phony Benoni: SkinnVer Here Among the Fold?
 
   Jun-09-22 Flohr vs Bondarevsky, 1947 (replies)
 
Phony Benoni: Black's bishop makes me think of Godzilla emerging from the depths of the ocean to wreak havoc. However, in the end it's his Two Little Friends who steal the show. Well, maybe not so litt.
 
   Jun-06-22 W Ritson-Morry vs G T Crown, 1947
 
Phony Benoni: it was the last round. Rison-Morry was mired in last place. These things happen.
 
   Jun-06-22 W Adams vs M Kagan, 1947
 
Phony Benoni: Some more informztion. The game was published in <Chess Review>, March 1948, p. 23. Black's name is given as "M Kagan", and the location as "Massachusetts". There is no other game data, but I think we can now safely assume Black is <Milton Kagan>. Earlier in the ...
 
(replies) indicates a reply to the comment.

Living in the Past

Kibitzer's Corner
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 496 OF 914 ·  Later Kibitzing>
Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  Phony Benoni: Speed kills. It almost killed Prince Fielder:

http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/blog/e...

Jul-17-13  Gregor Samsa Mendel: Gee, I though it actually did kill him:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/pr...
Jul-17-13  Jim Bartle: I was impressed by Fielder's speed. He moved a lot faster than would seem possible.
Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  Phony Benoni: <JB> Fielder, and Miguel Cabrera for that matter, aren't fast but have good base-running instincts. For instance, they will usually go first-to-third on a single to right.
Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  perfidious: <playground player: <Phony Benoni> Rookie Joe DiMaggio in 1936 used to play very shallow--so much so that pitcher Lefty Gomez asked him what he thought he was doing. "I want to make people forget Tris Speaker," said the young outfielder. "If you play that shallow," answered the veteran pitcher, "you're just gonna make 'em forget Lefty Gomez." Source: Lefty Gomez tending bar at a long-ago winter meeting.>

Bill James recounted this gem in both editions of one of his books. Curious thing was, he claimed it as one of his favourites in the first edition, then pooh-poohed it in the second go-round.

Jul-17-13  Jim Bartle: Gomez had lots of great quotes. Some of the best:

-"Hell, Lou (Gehrig) it took fifteen years to get you out of a game. Sometimes I'm out in fifteen minutes."

-"The secret of my success was clean living and a fast outfield."

-"When Neil Armstong first set foot on the moon, he and all the space scientists were puzzled by an unidentifiable white object. I knew immediately what it was. That was a home run ball hit off me in 1933 by Jimmie Foxx."

- "I was the worst hitter ever. I never even broke a bat until last year when I was backing out of the garage."

Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  perfidious: <- "I was the worst hitter ever. I never even broke a bat until last year when I was backing out of the garage.">

Not at all-there was always Preacher Roe, at .110 with three doubles and one dinger in 620 AB. Humorous line, though.

http://www.baseball-reference.com/p...

Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  WannaBe: With MLB resuming tomorrow, here are some updated numbers:

http://www.baseballnation.com/2013/...

Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: I had to check out Jim Bouton, who repeatedly mentioned in Ball Four how awful he was as a hitter.

How about .101, 3 doubles, 160 K's in 374 AB's?

http://www.baseball-reference.com/p...

Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  perfidious: <All>: Remember reading an article in a baseball magazine from 1974 which details the worst-hitting pitchers of all time. The two names I recall are Ron Herbel and Bob Buhl.

Tale of the tape for Buhl: in 857 AB, a BA of .089 with two extra-base hits, both doubles and both in the 1956 season. Oh yes-then we have the 389 strikeouts.

Herbel's career was nowhere near as long, but calling his line unimpressive does a disservice to the merely bad: six hits in 206 at-bats and 125 Ks. The year Herbel got three of those hits, he was also out stealing in his only career attempt.

Jul-17-13  Jim Bartle: Dean Chance hit .066 lifetime, with a slugging percentage of .069. He struck out about 65% of the time.
Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: Dean Chance. I remember his circle from Stratomatic Baseball. It was comical how horrible he was. My brother and I used to occasionally pick him just for irony's sake.
Jul-17-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: Not Stratomatic. What was the game where you spun a little spinner arrow?
Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  perfidious: This would have been a classic matchup from Stratomatic: Chance as pitcher in his Cy Young season of '64, facing himself at bat the same year.

Chance had seven singles in 89 at-bats while striking out 53 times for an average of .079. For average, that was actually his third-<best> year, as 26 of his 44 career hits came in the period 1963-65.

Some of these numbers make Rey Ordonez look like Babe Ruth.

Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  Phony Benoni: <OCF> You may be thinking of Ethan Allen's "All-Star Baseball":

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_St...

In the Strat-O-Matic I used to play, there were no individual pitcher hitting cards.

Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: http://www.baseballnation.com/2011/...
Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  Phony Benoni: Among position players, it's hard to beat Ray Oyler:

http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/...

I mention him only to bring up Hank Aguirre. .085 average, 236 strikeouts in 388 at bats.

http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/...

Aguirre's hitting received the ultimate contempt--teams would intentionally walk Ray Oyler to pitch to him! One memorable day, this backfired:

http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/...

Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  OhioChessFan: <You may be thinking of Ethan Allen's "All-Star Baseball":>

That's it. 10 year olds dig the long ball, so our lineups would inevitably be the players with the biggest 1 slot.

We both learned how to consistently spin, so we could control to a degree where the spinner would end up. We made up little house rules to address that. The defense was allowed to (gently) blow on the spinner, once, the batter had to close his eyes while the defense had the option of turning the card in the slot so that the 1 wasn't at the top, etc.

Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  perfidious: <Phony Benoni>: Had heard of Oyler, but knew next to nothing of him.

His last name was something of an irony, given that Oyler apparently had problems with the bottle.

Jul-18-13  playground player: <Phony Benoni> Ray Oyler's bat was so bad, Tigers' manager Mayo Smith started centerfielder Mickey Stanley at shortstop in the 1968 World Series. It must have been a good move: the Tigers won.

I love it, though, that Hank Aguirre socked a triple after Oyler was intentionally walked to get to him.

Note: Strat-O-Matic originally had four generic pitchers' hitting cards. Card No. 1 had all strikeouts and a walk, No. 2 had a couple of singles, No. 3 was better than that, and No. 4 had a hard-to-get home run.

Later S-O-M sets featured eight pitchers' hitting cards, with No. 8 (Wes Ferrell, Red Lucas, guys like that) suitable for pinch-hitting for various position players. No. 5 was good for a pretty decent batting average.

Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  Phony Benoni: <playground player> The 1968 Tigers didn't have a lot of options at shortstop. Oyler's main back-ups were Dick Tracewski (.156) and Tom Matchik (.203, but with a glove to match). The regular third baseman, Don Wert, hit .200, back-up catcher Jim Price was at .174, and outfielder/third catcher Wayne Comer at .125.

That was the year of the pitcher, you will recall.

Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  perfidious: One less hit for Yaz in 1968 and there would have been no .300 hitter in the AL.
Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  Phony Benoni: Naturally, I had to check <perfidious>'s tidbit about Yaz, which was true. I wondered because one hit shouldn't make much difference to a .301 average, but he actually had a good round-up from .30055.

And then I noticed Yastrzemski got 3000 hits without a 200-hit season, and had that happened before, and I though of Eddie Collins and looked him up, but he did have a 200-hit season. Then, like I usually do, I looked up his last few games. Here is one of them,.

http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/...

The interesting part is that the 43-year-old Collins pinch-hit for an older player, 47-year-old Jack Quinn. (90 years between them might be a record!). That 40-year-old whippersnapper Wally Schang got into the game as well. Connie Mack, who was only 67 at the time, apparently liked to use the kids.

Not only did Lefty Grove pitch the final inning, he apparently knocked in the winning run with a walk-off double. Those were the days!

Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  WannaBe: Detroit declares bankruptcy, citing contracts signed by Suh, Stafford, Verlander, Fielder as biggest cause.

http://news.yahoo.com/detroit-emerg...

Jul-18-13
Premium Chessgames Member
  Phony Benoni: Those contracts are chicken feed. Detroit has over $10 billion in unsecured pension debt alone.

This is going to be long and messy, with more lawsuits than you can throw a gavel at. No matter how bad its financial woes, Detroit can always find money to pay the lawyers.

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