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offramp
Member since Aug-16-03 · Last seen Aug-17-18
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<
MARK:
I’m sure you’ve run across articles about him in magazines. About how when he was a kid, he almost died from carbon monoxide poisoning huffing fumes from barbecue propane tanks, and how he was later diagnosed with having a monoamine oxidase A deficiency — what’s called a MAOA-deficiency — which made him abnormally belligerent …
WARDEN:
What made him abnormally belligerent, the deficiency or the diagnosis?
MARK:
Huh?
WARDEN:
Never mind.
MARK:
… so he was always in and out of reform schools and jails. But he developed into this incredibly ferocious player. And then the year after he won his first Ma Ling Masters, he was in a Koru’s Department Store, which is like the Bougainvillean equivalent of Sears, and he was buying a pair of maracas and the salesperson suggested that he purchase a service contract for the maracas, and Offramp very courteously declined — he’s normally a very soft-spoken, urbane person — but the clerk got increasingly aggressive about this service contract, and finally Offramp just lost it and bludgeoned him to death with the ceremonial war club he always carries around with him. So he had to leave the country and he missed two full seasons. And then when he came back, he was appearing on The Patimo Nambuka Show (which is like the Good Morning America of Bougainville), and an anaconda swallowed his mom in the green room.>

- Mark Leyner, The Tetherballs of Bougainville.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipe...

CR Wynn: "There are few mysteries on the internet. Offramp is one of them."
- Mamedyarov vs Topalov, 2017 (kibitz #11)

ColeTrane: "Offramp says a lot of garbage."
- H Mestre Bellido vs T Bakre, 2012 (kibitz #15)

Luzhin: "Offramp is writing from a secure unit where patients are well-treated by a team of dedicated professionals."
- Short vs E Blomqvist, 2017 (kibitz #12)

SirRuthless: "If you have a minute do a little research on King Leopold and his actions in the Belgian Congo. It's eye opening. Offramp chose that monster as his avatar and it was no accident. Wonderful human being this <offramp> is."
- Altibox Norway (2017) (kibitz #82)

SirRuthless: "Ahh it's Albert Pike, my mistake. Sorry about that <offramp>. I'll leave my posts up as a lesson to anyone else who makes a similar mistake and a record of my error."
- Altibox Norway (2017) (kibitz #88)

CARNIS AUTEM EST!

"Are you one of the frightened?"
- Boris Karloff

Voted Worst Fanirmod 10 years in a row.

Chess columnist of the <Weekly Northern Whig & Intelligencer>.

I am a noted expert on Teplitz-Schönau (1922) upon which I have written nine "Schönographs": learned disquisitions on that intriguing tournament. Available at www.lulu.com for $0.01 each.

Lead singer and guitarist of the Norwegian black metal band Dementert Freaks. Search for "I Wee-Wee On Your Jellyfish Sting."

A great passion of mine is to fire up the old Merlin GTS autogyro and take her up to about 5,500 metres. I take a laptop with me but I no longer post while airborne since one post made me laugh so hard that I crashed my gyrocopter.

I was born in Hong Kong and in 2005 I was required to complete National Service in the Chinese military. I was taught how to fly a Xian H-6 jet bomber. One of my missions was to carpet-bomb the town of Bishkek in Uzbekistan. A local chess tournament was taking place at the time and I later found out that I had killed 166 chess players which I believe to be the record.

I am an Honorary member of The Ancient and Honorable Artillery Company of Massachusetts and a Freeman of the City of Prince George, British Columbia and a Member of the Order of Skinner & PJ Proby's Horse and the Supreme Orator of the Order of the Acrimonious Virgin.

I have published an autobiography called <I BLEW A BILLION BUCKS ON BIKES BABES BARBITURATES BULLETS BOMBS AND BENONIS: <My Journey of Personal Discovery from Tunguska to Roswell Via Krakatoa and Hiroshima>>. It is available at Lulu.com for Ł0.01p.

I graduated from Lead City University, Hut 8, Zone B, Lagos, Nigeria with a thesis on speech act theory and moral language.

I once worked at LUSH and I have made a replica pistol out of black soap which I intend to present to Donald Trump when he visits Britain by jumping out of the crowd and handing it to him.

My philosophy is this:

Work like the ponies in coalmines.
Dance like the teardrop explodes.
Love like you're Frank in Blue Velvet.
Play chess like you're desperate to lose.

My Dad was Irish, but I am very English. In the following video I give advice on how to pronounce Flaming Nora. https://youtu.be/bVzkOK44YnE

My favourite players of all time are:
1 Frank James Marshall
2 Moshe Czerniak
3 Harry Nelson Pillsbury
4 Vladimir Simagin
5 Denis Khismatullin
6 Gustav Richard Neumann
7 Carl Theodor Goering
8 Rudolf Swiderski
9 Siegbert Tarrasch
10 Hugh Alexander Kennedy
11 Ernst Ludwig Klein.

My birthday is 29th March. I have two young children.

I am a lover of ecclesiastical architecture. I like Hawksmoor, Gibbs and Archer. In 2018 I'm hoping to visit both Santiago de Compostela and Rome. North France, as well. It is not easy because I never learned to drive a petrol vehicle, although I am trained to drive an electric train.

I spend many hours listening to Old-Time Radio (OTR). I also like pre-code comics.

>> Click here to see offramp's game collections.

Chessgames.com Full Member
   Current net-worth: 920 chessbucks
[what is this?]

   offramp has kibitzed 17271 times to chessgames   [more...]
   Aug-16-18 Daniel Freeman (replies)
 
offramp: It is not generally known that author Michael Crichton was 6ft 10" tall and was considered for the lead role in <The Man Who Fell To Earth>.
 
   Aug-16-18 offramp chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: <morfishine>, many many thanks! There are still many sensible but still funny people on this great website.
 
   Aug-16-18 Biel (2018) (replies)
 
offramp: <AylerKupp>, thank you, but you were not in the top 10 of my list. However, owing to your admission, should you ever stray into that top 10 then you will be banned not <for Life>, but for life minus 25%. This is great! It's like being Stalin in charge of the Doctor's ...
 
   Aug-16-18 Guimard vs Fischer, 1960 (replies)
 
offramp: "YEEldza. YEELDZA."
 
   Aug-15-18 lostemperor chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: Thank you WinKing! 1. Mamedyarov 2. So 2. Carlsen 4. Caruana 5. Vachier-Lagrave 5. Nakamura 7. Aronian 7. Karjakin 9. Grischuk 9. Anand
 
   Aug-15-18 OhioChessFan chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: Round 1: Aronian - Karjakin 1-0 49 Vachier-Lagrave - Carlsen 1-0 71 Nakamura - Anand 1-0 29 Mamedyarov - So 1/2 25 Caruana - Grischuk 1/2 31
 
   Aug-15-18 Golden Executive chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: Round 1: Aronian - Karjakin 1-0 Vachier-Lagrave - Carlsen 1-0 Nakamura - Anand 1-0 Mamedyarov - So 1/2 Caruana - Grischuk 1/2
 
   Aug-15-18 chessgames.com chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: NorCal backwards is Lacron, which sounds like the ending of Barleycorn IF you have a pool ball in your mouth.
 
   Aug-15-18 Dr Winston OBoogie chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: A wee bit insulting and non-pc: <Dr Winston OBoogie: ... There's some sick people in this world, strange how they all cosy up together like spastics in a mental institution.> Excuse me....I know lots of spastics in lots of mental institutions who would be very offended at ...
 
   Aug-15-18 thegoodanarchist chessforum (replies)
 
offramp: I’m so pleased I am not in this particular loop.
 
(replies) indicates a reply to the comment.

The Sun & 13 Cantons

Kibitzer's Corner
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 47 OF 47 ·  Later Kibitzing>
Aug-08-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: One thing I like about <offramp> is that, to my knowledge, he is the only person still using the term "sellotape", and has 3 pages of posts that include it!

Search Kibitzing

That does not include variants, such as this post:

thegoodanarchist chessforum (kibitz #1022)

<sellotape> is one of those words that was once popular, now is almost exclusively contracted when used. Kind of like <decalcomania>.

Now we just say <tape> or <decal>

Aug-10-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <offramp: <zanzibar: A visit by <offramp> on Rogoff?!>

Dear Zanzibar, I don't know if you saw it, but that rare post was greeted by a massive stream of abuse!

What a place Rogoff is!

Aug-10-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: <offramp> I suggest you do what I do: From 1-2 times per month, drop a post in Rogoff that denegrates the political philosophy that you abhor the most. For example, I have great fun joking about left wing Liberals.

As soon as you post kbitz, skedaddle out of Rogoff at top speed. Do not return until you are ready to post another joke. Do not ever read any replies

Aug-10-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  saffuna: <<offramp> I suggest you do what I do: From 1-2 times per month, drop a post in Rogoff that denegrates the political philosophy that you abhor the most. >

And most importantly, make sure it's fact free!

Aug-11-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: <offramp> I dream of Saint Lucia https://www.google.com/search?q=sai...

*****

Aug-12-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: A wonderful, Ezekiel-like post from <Sargon>.

Daniel Freeman (kibitz #1035)

Aug-12-18  JimNorCal: Doubtless noted before but new to me: offramp achieves a certain immortality.

While at http://www.chesshistory.com/winter/... I scrolled down to CN 3752.

Mr Winter takes note of an unlikely quote attributed to Peter Leko in one of Ray Keene's books. Circumstantial evidence for the genesis of the quote leads back to ... offramp and CG.

"Alan O’Brien (Mitcham, England) writes: ... The first time I have found it mentioned is at Leko vs Kramnik, 2004. In a posting dated 3 October 2004 somebody using the pseudonym “Offramp”

One senses that Mr Winter harbors ill feelings towards GM Keene. And perhaps relished a chance to drag the GM's credibility through the mud.

Aug-12-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: Yes sir, <offramp> our new friend <sargon> managed to make rules and break rules at the same time
Aug-12-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  technical draw: <offramp: A wonderful, Ezekiel-like post from <Sargon>.>

Is that the same Ezekiel from Pulp Fiction?

Aug-12-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: Ezekiel 25:17.“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children."
Aug-12-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  Check It Out: "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”
Aug-12-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: Dear <offramp> This quote of yours takes the cake:

For pete's sake!

It's opnionoted

We have a winner!

Aug-13-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: Hi!

What is the meaning of this cryptic comment:

Jiri Pelikan (kibitz #30)

Thanks in advance.

Aug-14-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <offramp: Playing chess on one leg ... Mouthful of shrimp .... One leg in acid...>

That is what I thought was pelican-like behaviour. Standing in slightly acidic lakes, on one leg, eating shrimp.

Aug-14-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <high-falootin'> How do Americans write this? I was taught it was “hifalutin”.
Aug-14-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: High Falutin (pompous or pretentious)

So, you had it half right

Aug-14-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  technical draw: High Falutin is mostly a hillbilly word.
Aug-14-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <technical draw: High Falutin is mostly a hillbilly word.>

Hi <td>,

The proper term is "Sons of the Soil", as this instructional video explains:

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/e353b7...

Aug-14-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  WinKing: Hi <offramp>,

<<>2018 Sinquefield Cup<>>

Less than 4 days to go!

Countdown to the 2018 Sinquefield Cup:

https://www.timeanddate.com/countdo...

♘St. Louis♘2018 Sinquefield Cup♗St. Louis♗

https://grandchesstour.org/2018-gra...

This tournament will run from August 18th thru August 27th 2018. (9 Rounds)

Participants include: Carlsen, Caruana, Mamedyarov, Vachier-Lagrave, Anand, Aronian, Karjakin, Grischuk, Nakamura & So

Average rating: 2788 (as of 8/6/18) - Category XXII

*****
*****

<<>2018 Sinquefield Cup<>>

Schedule - https://grandchesstour.org/2018-gra...

Round 1 is Saturday, August 18th & it starts @ 13:00hrs (1pm) St. Louis, USA time(2pm chessgames time). All rounds begin @ 13:00hrs (1pm).

< 3 Prediction Contests: (Win virtual medals - Gold, Silver & Bronze) >

User: lostemperor (FINAL STANDINGS PREDICTIONS) - Predict the order the players will finish. Run & hosted by <lostemperor>. (3 categories to medal in)

User: Golden Executive - (The Game Prediction Contest) - Predict the result 1-0, 1/2, or 0-1. Run & hosted by <Golden Executive>. (3 categories to medal in) This year will be the 11th Anniversary for this contest! (from 2007 to 2018 - 11 years running)

User: OhioChessFan (Moves Prediction Contest) - Predict the result 1-0, 1/2, or 0-1 & the number of moves. (4 categories to medal in) This contest is run by <chessmoron> & hosted by <OhioChessFan>.

*****
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Also, don't forget about <chessgames> ChessBookie game for this event. She(He) can't wait to take some or all of your chessbucks. ;)

ChessBookie Game

Don't miss out on the fun for this Super Event!!!

*****

Aug-15-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  technical draw: <tga> <The proper term is "Sons of the Soil", as this instructional video explains:>

No the proper word is "Mountain William".

Aug-15-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  WinKing: <offramp> you need to correct your numbering. Grischuk & Anand should be listed as #9.

<offramp: Many thanks, <lostemperor chessforum>.

1. Mamedyarov
2. So
2. Carlsen
4. Caruana
5. Vachier-Lagrave
5. Nakamura
7. Aronian
7. Karjakin
8. Grischuk
8. Anand>

Aug-16-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <offramp, Member since Aug-16-03 · Last seen Aug-16-18>.

Imagine. 15 years! Say it ain't so!

Aug-16-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  morfishine: <offramp> Congratulations! You haven't changed a bit!
Aug-16-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <morfishine>, many many thanks! There are still many sensible but still funny people on this great website.
Aug-16-18
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <offramp: <morfishine>, many many thanks! There are still many sensible but still funny people on this great website.>

Including you! Congratulations of 15 years.

I barely sneaked in ahead of you. That was back when they'd let anyone in :)

<thegoodanarchist Member since Jul-29-03 >

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