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Member since Aug-16-03 · Last seen Jun-25-17

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CR Wynn: "There are few mysteries on the internet. Offramp is one of them." - Mamedyarov vs Topalov, 2017 (kibitz #11)

Luzhin: "Offramp is writing from a secure unit where patients are well-treated by a team of dedicated professionals." - Short vs E Blomqvist, 2017 (kibitz #12)


"Are you one of the frightened?"
- Boris Karloff

Voted Worst Fanirmod 9 years in a row.

I am a noted expert on Teplitz-Schönau (1922) upon which I have written nine "Schönographs": learned disquisitions on that intriguing tournament. Available at for $0.01 each.

A great passion of mine is to fire up the old Merlin GTS autogyro and take her up to about 5,500 metres. I take a laptop with me but I no longer post while airborne since one post made me laugh so hard that I crashed my gyrocopter.

I was born in Hong Kong and in 2005 I was required to complete National Service in the Chinese military. I was taught how to fly a Xian H-6 jet bomber. One of my missions was to carpet-bomb the town of Bishkek in Uzbekistan. A local chess tournament was taking place at the time and I later found out that I had killed 166 chess players which I believe to be the record.

I am an Honorary member of The Ancient and Honorable Artillery Company of Massachusetts and a Freeman of the City of Prince George, British Columbia and a Member of the Order of Skinner & PJ Proby's Horse and the Supreme Orator of the Order of the Acrimonious Virgin.

I have published an autobiography called <I BLEW A BILLION BUCKS ON BIKES BABES BARBITURATES BULLETS BOMBS AND BENONIS: <My Journey of Personal Discovery from Tunguska to Roswell Via Krakatoa and Hiroshima>>. It is available at for £0.01p.

I graduated from Leadway University, Hut 8, Zone B, Lagos, Nigeria with a thesis on speech act theory and moral language.

I once worked at LUSH and I have made a replica pistol out of black soap which I intend to present to Donald Trump when he visits Britain by jumping out of the crowd and handing it to him.

My philosophy is this:

Work like the ponies in coalmines.
Dance like the teardrop explodes.
Love like you're Frank in Blue Velvet.
Play chess like you're desperate to lose.

My father was from Limerick and my mother was from Chorlton-cum-Hardy, near Manchester.

My favourite players of all time are:
1 James Mason
2 Moshe Czerniak
3 Harry Nelson Pillsbury
4 Vladimir Simagin
5 Evgeni Ellinovich Sveshnikov
6 Gustav Richard Neumann
7 Carl Theodor Goering
8 Rudolf Swiderski
9 Siegbert Tarrasch
10 Hugh Alexander Kennedy
11 Ernst Ludwig Klein.

My birthday is 29th March. I have two young children.

I am a lover of ecclesiastical architecture. I like Hawksmoor, Gibbs and Archer. In 2017 I'm hoping to visit both Santiago de Compostela and Rome. North France, as well. It is not easy because I never learned to drive a petrol vehicle, although I am trained to drive an electric train.

I spend many hours listening to Old-Time Radio (OTR). I also like pre-code comics.

I am a big fan of St Edward Aleister Crowley (who was a very good chessplayer), but I am not a Thelemite.

I am a Freemason under the United Grand Lodge of England. I have also taken the extra degrees of Royal Arch, Mark Mason and R∴A∴M∴. Freemasonry takes up a large amount of my time and I enjoy every minute of it.

>> Click here to see offramp's game collections. Full Member

   offramp has kibitzed 14476 times to chessgames   [more...]
   Jun-25-17 Stockfish (Computer)
offramp: It's good to see that Houdini is completely to the vesher's around taken beink. At the moment I think it is winning +21 -6 with about a thousand 150-move draws. And Stockfish is the FREE program and Houdini is the one that costs $$$£££$$$!!!
   Jun-25-17 Jacob Henry Sarratt
offramp: <Elrathia Kingi: Are these games compositions, are was the play really that bad back in the day?> They were pretty bad at night as well.
   Jun-24-17 Vereslav Eingorn
offramp: Eingorn is a man!!
   Jun-24-17 John Henry Smythe (replies)
offramp: <zanzibar: <offramp> still waiting for the promised link to the facebook page with the photos of Blackburnes handiwork: Joseph Henry Blackburne (kibitz #185) What smartphone did you use?> I tore those photos up in a rage. I was using a standard Nokia 6230.
   Jun-24-17 Korchnoi vs Karpov, 1987
offramp: Which such few pieces left, instead of making a dramatic clatter they would just have made a SORRY tinkle, and Karpov would have laughed: <"Viktor, you already hate me 10/10, it's no good pretending you've gone up to 11.">
   Jun-24-17 Carl Theodor Goering (replies)
offramp: The Eisenach Burschenschaftsdenkmal is a superb denkmal and there is a hotel nearby. I will be in Brussels in July/August 2017 and I am intending to use it as a jumping-off point to visit places like Brugges, Wupperthal and Eisenach. When I looked at Eisenach I saw how close it was ...
   Jun-24-17 Oscar Gelbfuhs (replies)
offramp: <ChessHigherCat> it would be brilliant to create a dish that caused diners' tongues to explode. I would venture a guess that chillies would be among the ingredients.
   Jun-24-17 offramp chessforum (replies)
offramp: <ChessHigherCat>, You are right. It is a NOT. I made that up, even though it sounds vaguely true. I shall surf around to YouTube later on. I am hosting a children's sleepover and party this weekend. The recipes are from this very funny site: ...
   Jun-24-17 J A Grefe vs K Commons, 1975 (replies)
offramp: He has now come to Grefe.
   Jun-23-17 Kavalek vs Huebner, 1979 (replies)
offramp: <Mateo: One of the most intersting games played in this tournament. 12...c5?! was a dubious experiment. 15.Rxe6!! was brilliant. Later, instead of the obvious 21.Nxh8?, he should have played 21.Rhe1! with an overwhelming attack.> Really? Are you sure? I can not believe that.
(replies) indicates a reply to the comment.

English Chess Speaking

Kibitzer's Corner
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 26 OF 26 ·  Later Kibitzing>
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Thank you, User: technical draw.

We have been here a long long time. We were the Beautiful People before the Beautiful People turned up!

Premium Chessgames Member
  technical draw: Right <offramp>. We were cool when being cool was cool.
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: Welcome back, <offramp>!

It's like you never left...

Premium Chessgames Member
  WinKing: Hi offramp,

Less than 2 days till Norway Chess!

Countdown to Norway...

Altibox Norway Chess 2017

♘Altibox♘Norway Chess 2017♗Altibox♗

This tournament will run from Jun. 6th thru Jun. 16th 2017. (9 Rounds)

Participants include Anand, Aronian, Carlsen, Caruana, Giri, Karjakin, Kramnik, Nakamura, So & Vachier-Lagrave

Average rating: 2797.05 - Category: XXII


<<> Altibox Norway Chess 2017 <>>

< 3 Prediction Contests: (Win virtual medals - Gold, Silver & Bronze) >

*** User: lostemperor - Predict the order the players will finish. Run & hosted by <lostemperor>. (3 categories to medal in) ***

**User: Golden Executive - Predict the result 1-0, 1/2, or 0-1. Run & hosted by <Golden Executive>. (3 categories to medal in)

This year will be the 11th Anniversary for this contest! (from 2007 to 2017 - 11 years running)**

*User: OhioChessFan - Predict the result 1-0, 1/2, or 0-1 & the number of moves. (4 categories to medal in). This contest is run by <chessmoron> & hosted by <OhioChessFan>.*


Also, don't forget about <chessgames> ChessBookie game for this event. He can't wait to take some or all of your chessbucks. ;)

ChessBookie Game

Don't miss out on the fun for this Super Event!!!

Jun-09-17  morfishine: Excellent <offramp> to hear your re-up, you are my favorite poster, though I enjoy many posters. I am trying to use your example to move away from the dour complainer, back towards the simply sarcastic

Wish me Luck!

Best always, morf


Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <Morfishine>, thanks!

The future lies in unwarranted, withering sarcasm, preferably of the type that leaves the unfortunate recipient baffled and open-mouthed: "Does he mean that seriously or not??!?" LOL!

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I suppose I am one of the few people still alive who spell Détroit with the accent.
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: In 1917 Edgar Wallace wrote a book called Kate Plus 10. Filming it was no problem, but naling the film was very hard.

Brazil O Triângulo Mortal,
Canada (English title) The Trygon Factor,
Denmark Død mand sladrer ikke,
Spain El templo del hampa,
Finland Edgar Wallace: Valkoisen nunnan arvoitus, Finland Kolmiokierre,
Finland (video title) Valkoisen nunnan salaisuus, France (video title) La planque,
France (poster title) Le Signe Du Trigone,
France Le signe du Trigorne,
UK (video title) Factor One,
Greece To recital tou eglimatos,
Hungary A fehér apácák titka,
Italy La grande sfida a Scotland Yard,
Japan Dai gôtô-dan,
Mexico Trígono de muerte,
Portugal Sob o Signo da Suspeita,
Romania Secretul calugaritelor in alb,
Sweden Det stumma vittnet,
West Germany Das Geheimnis der weißen Nonne,
Yugoslavia (Serbian title) (literal title) Tajna bele opatice.

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Pakistan v Indian at the Oval, London. I KNOW this is going to be a great match. I very much hope India wins, but I have this feeling that THIS time Pakistan will win.
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: India need to score 339 to win. That is a huge score, but batting conditions are perfect and I am hoping they can do it.
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <offramp: India need to score 339 to win. That is a huge score, but batting conditions are perfect and I am hoping they can do it.>

I've been following your coverage of the match here in your forum.

Any update?

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: India have slumped to a pretty disastrous 80-6 off 18 overs. very poor! It would madness to think of anything other than a Pakistan win now!
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: India now 154-7 off 27 overs needing another 180 or so off 23 overs. Not likely.
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: It's 156-9. Just one wicket left in the innings.
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Pakistan won by 180 runs. A very fast demolition.
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: what was the over-under on the overs?


Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: One more question - what is the plural of innings?

Is it inningses?

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: The plural of innings is innings. Some young players says "I had a good inning", but most use innings as both sing and plu!
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: HERRING AND CORDIALS a La Miagmasuren.

Blanch some vinegar; then put it through the converse of powdered sugar dusted over a little bit of tarragon vinegar for two or in a little the yolks of cooking in two-thirds of this by cleaning four potatoes over the jar and add to the gherkins.

With gravy mix it in, put it to simmer, in nearly cold weather, to it over the same thing if you have any seasoning remaining add it to the cold fish, lifting each piece of that covers up each chestnut and boil until cooked, then drain.

Fill each person, and potato, adding a mustard-spoonful of toast to them and therefore try the yolks of vinegar, salt and add salt, a soup-spoonful of meat, for a few minutes and pass the haricots or in butter, a bit of parsley, a quart of that, and salt,

Put it with a cloth. Rub it is rendered still better way over the shoulder is already fried. It should be easy, and when you have scooped out the meat in this sauce in simmering water if whipped cream.

Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: Very funny recipe. You should be a big fan of Flann O'Brien ( "The Third Policeman" is my favorite but it's not available on Kindle, only in the awful amazon robotic audiobook version, may it fry in mythical hell. You inspired me to read "Dead Souls". I just got through the introduction where I learned that he finished and burned Part II twice!, so it's still incomplete. I really liked "The Nose". I'm reading the original with the help of a translation. You probably already know this, but when you read foreign language books on Kindle and click on any word the system automatically downloads the corresponding dictionary for free and displays the definition: in French, Spanish, Italian, German and English, anyway, but unfortunately not in Russian -- please use your omnipotence and intergalactic contacts to remedy that regrettable deficiency.
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Do you know about the Duc de Fénantes?

He was born in Nantes gaol in 1698 while his Mum was imprisoned for debt.

She died in 1720 and the Duc was apprenticed to the prison carpenter. That carpenter died in 1755 but his business left many debts with local timber-merchants! So the Duc was sentenced to work off that debt.

But he became blind in 1786 and in 1801 he died in the cell he was born in at the age of 103, having spent the entirety of his life, over three separate centuries, in gaol!

Believe it or not!

Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: Not! Just think if his mom and dad had to take him to the circus once a century, they would have had to buy three tickets!

Le Duc de Fénantes sounds like the trou du'c des fainéants, which might really be the etymology of his name, because I found this on Google: "Testament concernant Thomasse FAISNEANT"

By the way, if you're interested in the background of Gogol's era, you might be interested in Prince Kropotkin's "Memoirs of a Revolutionist" ( I never really understood what it meant to be a serf (although I have some experience as a surfer) until I heard that. The narrator is a Russian girl with excellent English and a beautiful, mesmerizing voice, but she has problems with certain totally illogical words like "colonel" and "recruit". Her pronunciation of Russian names is perfect, of course, with the exception of Gogol, which for some bizarre reason she thinks is pronounced exactly the same as "Google" in English!

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <ChessHigherCat>, You are right. It is a NOT. I made that up, even though it sounds vaguely true.

I shall surf around to YouTube later on. I am hosting a children's sleepover and party this weekend.

The recipes are from this very funny site: . They change every time you visit.

The Gordon Ramsay of is User: thegoodanarchist, although he doesn't swear or go berserk half as often as the non-anarchist Ramsay.

User: thegoodanarchist uses the same site as I do to generate recipes and bible-readings; we both just tidy them up a bit. Give it a go! It's a lot of fun!

Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: <ChessHigherCat> VERY VAGUELY true: a life sentence for "inherited debt"?

<I shall surf around to YouTube later on. I am hosting a children's sleepover and party this weekend.>

Make sure to get a top bunk and warm up before playing Twister!

I will check out dat website maaan!

Premium Chessgames Member
  ChessHigherCat: Hi again <offramp>, just in case you're not playing Twister in your gyrocopter, did you start reading "Dead Souls" yet? Do you remember on the first page the guy drives up to an inn in a carriage, and one country bumpkin says to the other: - "What a carriage! Do you think it's going to Moscow?" - Yes I do.
- But you don't think it's going all the way to Kazan?, do you?" - It's not going all the way to Kazan."

That dialog makes those guys sound completely insane, just randomly guessing the destination of a carriage, but in fact it's a bad translation (I would appreciate confirmation from any Russians out there). One guy really says to the other: Вон какое колесо! = Check out that wheel! (It must be loose or something) Do you think it will make it to Moscow? Yes, it will make it to Moscow, but not all the way to Kazan.

Did that dialog strike you as bizarre?

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