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Member since Aug-16-03 · Last seen May-25-17

CR Wynn: "There are few mysteries on the internet. Offramp is one of them." - Mamedyarov vs Topalov, 2017 (kibitz #11)

Luzhin: "Offramp is writing from a secure unit where patients are well-treated by a team of dedicated professionals." - Short vs E Blomqvist, 2017 (kibitz #12)


"Are you one of the frightened?"
- Boris Karloff

Voted Worst Fanirmod 9 years in a row.

I am a noted expert on Teplitz-Schönau (1922) upon which I have written nine "Schönographs": learned disquisitions on that intriguing tournament. Available at for $0.01 each.

A great passion of mine is to fire up the old Merlin GTS autogyro and take her up to about 5,500 metres. I take a laptop with me but I no longer post while airborne since one post made me laugh so hard that I crashed my gyrocopter.

I was born in Hong Kong and in 2005 I was required to complete National Service in the Chinese military. I was taught how to fly a Xian H-6 jet bomber. One of my missions was to carpet-bomb the town of Andijan in Uzbekistan. A local chess tournament was taking place at the time and I later found out that I had killed 166 chess players which I believe to be the record.

I am an Honorary member of The Ancient and Honorable Artillery Company of Massachusetts and a Freeman of the City of Prince George, British Columbia and a Member of the Order of Skinner & PJ Proby's Horse and the Supreme Orator of the Order of the Acrimonious Virgin.

I have published an autobiography called <I BLEW A BILLION BUCKS ON BIKES BABES BARBITURATES BULLETS BOMBS AND BENONIS: <My Journey of Personal Discovery from Tunguska to Roswell Via Krakatoa and Hiroshima>>. It is available at for £0.01p.

I graduated from Leadway University, Hut 8, Zone B, Lagos, Nigeria with a thesis on speech act theory and moral language.

I once worked at LUSH and I have made a replica pistol out of black soap which I intend to present to Donald Trump when he visits Britain by jumping out of the crowd and handing it to him.

My philosophy is this:

Work like the ponies in coalmines.
Dance like the teardrop explodes.
Love like you're Frank in Blue Velvet.
Play chess like you're desperate to lose.

My father was from Limerick and my mother was from Chorlton-cum-Hardy, near Manchester.

My favourite players of all time are:
1 James Mason 2 Moshe Czerniak 3 Harry Nelson Pillsbury 4 Vladimir Simagin 5 Evgeni Ellinovich Sveshnikov 6 Gustav Richard Neumann 7 Carl Theodor Goering 8 Rudolf Swiderski 9 Siegbert Tarrasch 10 Hugh Alexander Kennedy

My birthday is 29th March. I have two young children.

I am a lover of ecclesiastical architecture. I like Hawksmoor, Gibbs and Archer. In 2017 I'm hoping to visit both Santiago de Compostela and Rome. North France, as well. It is not easy because I never learned to drive a petrol vehicle, although I am trained to drive an electric train.

I spend many hours listening to Old-Time Radio (OTR). I also like pre-code comics.

I am a big fan of St Edward Aleister Crowley (who was a very good chessplayer), but I am not a Thelemite.

I am a Freemason under the United Grand Lodge of England. I have also taken the extra degrees of Royal Arch, Mark Mason and R∴A∴M∴. Freemasonry takes up a large amount of my time and I enjoy every minute of it.

>> Click here to see offramp's game collections. Full Member
   Current net-worth: 1,636 chessbucks
[what is this?]

   offramp has kibitzed 14198 times to chessgames   [more...]
   May-25-17 William Henry Krause Pollock
offramp: <ljfyffe: <thomasastonk> Hilbert has just informed me that the manuscript of the 500 game plus Pollock book has just been sent in and the book should be out in about six months.> It seems to be out now. ISBN: 978-0-7864-5868-4. From McFarland. It is $65 which is about 65
   May-25-17 NN vs Greco, 1620
offramp: Greco would only need a quarter of an hour to catch up on opening theory and he'd be world champion again.
   May-25-17 E Johnson vs A Caoili, 1998
offramp: <FSR: 5.Qh5! wins.> Yes. This might make a good Dame of the Gay.
   May-25-17 offramp chessforum
offramp: I do some things here at just for my own amusement, but I have decided to share the following one because I thought it was very funny. If you look at P Littlewood vs D Norwood, 1985 , which is today's GoTD, have a look at the games collections at the bottom of the ...
   May-25-17 Dresden (1926)
offramp: Chessmetrics has a page for this: For his 8½/9 performance Nimzowitsch is given an event rating of 2778. That seems small to me.
   May-24-17 Smbat Gariginovich Lputian (replies)
offramp: 𝄞𝅘𝅥𝅮 "Smbat the sailor, sailing the ocean blue. With Salty the parrot by his side they are a peerless crew!"𝅘𝅥𝅮
   May-24-17 J A Leonard vs T Loyd, 1861 (replies)
offramp: Leonard's opponent played a similar magnet-type sacrifice himself in T Loyd vs Loyd, 1855 .
   May-23-17 Kramnik - Topalov World Championship Match (2006) (replies)
offramp: <keithbc: just curious as to what explanation Kramnik gave for his ridiculous use of the toilets...> Krammers suffers from weeping myolangial pectoritis for which he has been fitted with a microscopic tap which must be opened every 6 minutes. It is a call of nature.
   May-23-17 chessforum (replies)
offramp: I'm not a big fan of the Stockfish evaluations for openings. If you have an opening like the Fried Liver, Stockfish (this sound so like one of my recipes) will probably give an evaluation of minus 5 after move 6. Many people will throw the whole line into a dustbin without ...
   May-23-17 Stanishevsky vs Nikonov, 1981 (replies)
offramp: <chesslearner1991: Masterpiece.> There is not much point calling it a masterpiece when the entire oeuvre is 1. I have written 1 song, and that is my masterpiece - but you wouldn't want to hear it.
(replies) indicates a reply to the comment.

English Chess Speaking

Kibitzer's Corner
< Earlier Kibitzing  · PAGE 25 OF 25 ·  Later Kibitzing>
Premium Chessgames Member

Cook the tongues in the sieve, pounding them with breadcrumbs and then adding another tongue, adding to make it fairly thick enough, and the two biscuits as you happen to moisten them.

Butter long strips of the sweetbreads, blanch them in salted water so as much as the hare is served very hot in the lard.

When the quantity of meat, added to the cheese to make a bottle of Bovril.

Now make your
When the chervils are tender, put them back by the bachelors' widows and a little parsley, and cut in slowly, sweeten it simmer for choice, clear fire. The liquor to heat; if the omelette.

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Tomatoes a la Sir Edward Grey Hommage


Take some fine firm tomatoes, not very ripe. Turn them with the stalk side up and cut a slice off the top with a sharp knife. Take out the inside with a teaspoon. Break into each tomato a pullet's egg, sprinkle with pepper and salt. The inside of the tomato you will pass through a fine wire sieve and it will be a thick liquor; mix it with bread-crumbs, salt, pepper, and some grated cheese till quite thick. Put this mixture on the top of each egg and place all in the oven for three or four minutes, so that the eggs are only just set and no more.

Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <offramp: CALF IN SAUCE A LA CARLSEN

Take your cauliflower, >

I forgot to buy cauliflower!

Dang, that irks me. It's all because I put away the grocery list when I only had two items to go.

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Dear <theGoodAnarchist>, I know that you like a good laugh, as I do. The recipes I come out with (except for Tomatoes a la Sir Edward Grey Hommage, which is real) are from this fantastic page:

If I am down, that page always gives me a huge laugh. Sometimes I tweak them a bit and post them here at chessgames.

Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: < offramp: Dear <theGoodAnarchist>, I know that you like a good laugh>

I do enjoy a good laugh, but I was not joking this time! I indeed forgot to buy cauliflower, and for a particular recipe I have in mind.

And thank you for the link.

Premium Chessgames Member

Place shaped carrots in some ordinary white wine. Then place two hard-boiled eggs into neat rounds and brush with lemon-juice.

Simmer a side dish, and drop the meat in. Next put the yolks of good golden by the water, chopped, then put some potatoes with two carrots, one lemon, and if you can, fry in a well-buttered frying-pan.

Next dust a steak, shred it in, cook it about five minutes, with a lemon, and pour in butter, flavor it in the fire to turn the usual kinds, in small quantity of milk.

Sweeten the slices of one and salt. Roll them in a good shape, not over done lest it is any veal in haste, and pass it out, garnished with pepper.

Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: And now for some spiritual inspiration:

And lo, there came into the lintel, upon you your father, and sat on for the way which Jehovah said unto my law, or how saidst thou, that she saw that she conceived, and his brethren be male and Accad, and ten asses with Abram moved his brethren to the evil report of Israel out of the waters.


Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: And forget ye not, that which the prophet hath spake:

"take you treasure in our God, Behold, my sister, be gone; and I not answer him; but lay up the son Isaac. But flesh in the second month Abib. And Judah said unto him also. And they rose up, and Accad, and begat Mehujael: and his brethren;

For He redeemed me out his sons' wives that is this? that thou wilt hold on the pillar, and yielded up a few in the seventh day that thou fearest God, lest ye have gotten a handmaid. In the ark. And God made him according to be found, he had"


Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: <Thegoodanarchist: FRICANDEAU OF MUTTON DRESSED CAULIFLOWER...>

Steak and veal dusted with lemon and milk.

It takes me back to my days at the Sorbumme.

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I always imagine these recipes being made by a man with a moustache, whose face and arms (for some reason) are covered in flour, and he is angrily turning the pages back and forth.
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: Why is he angry? Did he always dream of becoming a banker, but was forced into the hospitality industry by an overbearing father?
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I imagine him as angry because he is unable to accurately follow the clear instructions.
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: "I am one quarter Jamiroquois"...
Some people have scoffed at this.

My Great Grandmother was Stupid Bloody Television, and my Great Grandfather was Two Thousand Channels And There's Nothing On.

Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: < offramp: "I am one quarter Jamiroquois"... Some people have scoffed at this. >

For some, scoffing is a hobby.

Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: And I finally remembered to buy cauliflower today!!!

Ima gonna make the Dal!

Premium Chessgames Member
SEAWEED SHRAPNEL CELESTES (Hommage à Lionel Adalbert Bagration Felix Kieseritzky.)

Gently stew a teacupful of fruit with macaroni AND cut the fruit if, just before you take one like this for a nourishing basis of butter.

One uses a slice of sugar to put in to the soup with a few cups of minced parsley.

Then poach in a gentle oven for the Belgians. Every now and then pour in a few breadcrumbs, and a lemon, and put them in water that time that has absorbed all cook this time about a sieve; or, failing that, a dinner.

Cook a little spice. Turn out the threads from the fillet of two pounds of lentils or three eggs. Then throw away the tomato.

Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: The word of the lord for Tuesday, 5/16:

<for they are fulfilled her eyes, and in the Egyptians. And the Jordan; and captains are my service which he had no spies: hereby ye shall keep it called Jacob were merry with thee before you. And he went unto him, and our God, who shall eat of Canaan, the mountain of the midst of his first-born, and the earth. These twenty rams, thirty years, and slew

A R Saleh Salem>

You're right - it definitely adds something.

Premium Chessgames Member
  zanzibar: Seaweed on <CG>?!

Wonderful stuff.

Here's my most favorite seaweed song of all time:

<Dulaman - Altan>

(Complete with both sets of lyrics)

Another version, well worth a listen as well:

Still, I must admit to being totally in love with Mairéad Ní Mhaonaigh's voice/version.

Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: <zanzibar: Seaweed on <CG>?!

Wonderful stuff.

Here's my most favorite seaweed song of all time:>

<Zanzi> you are so sophisticated!

*I* didn't even know there were any songs about seaweed, and you've gone and chosen a favorite!

This is why I don't get invited to the hot parties.

Premium Chessgames Member
"To the Land Surveyor at the Bridge

I appreciate the surveys you have carried out so far. The work of your assistants is praiseworthy too; you know how to keep them busy. Do not desist from your zealous labours! Bring the work to a happy conclusion! Any interruption would be irksome to me. Furthermore, rest assured that the matter of your remuneration will be decided very soon. I am keeping an eye on you."

- Franz Kafka.

Premium Chessgames Member
  zanzibar: <"Dearest Max, my last request: Everything I leave behind me ... in the way of diaries, manuscripts, letters (my own and others'), sketches, and so on, [is] to be burned unread">


Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: Sun May 21 (50 ovs) 10:45 local.

5th Match - Ireland v New Zealand, Malahide, Dublin.

Question: "How will Ireland fare against New Zealand?"


Interpretation: A win for Ireland.
Wed May 24 (50 ovs) 10:45 local
6th Match - Bangladesh v New Zealand
Clontarf Cricket Club Ground, Dublin.

Question: "How will New Zealand fare against Bangladesh?"

2 Cards: 7 SWORDS; 4 BATONS.

Interpretation: A win for New Zealand, but very close.
Very odd that the 4 batons turned up twice. I shuffled the cards fully between deals.

Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I had a good idea for a very short horror story which I shall now proceed to relate unto you. Two one-legged guys are talking. man A tells how he lost his leg. Every few weeks Man A suffered from agonising pain in his lower right leg. Doctors were useless and so were quacks. One day the pain was so bad that he paid a guy to cut off the limb. To his horror he developed phantom limb syndrome and the pain in his leg was even worse than before. The other unidexter yells at him: "You idiot! You should have had it cut off when it didn't hurt, like I did!"
Premium Chessgames Member
  thegoodanarchist: I don't know what to say in reply to that one.
Premium Chessgames Member
  offramp: I do some things here at just for my own amusement, but I have decided to share the following one because I thought it was very funny.

If you look at P Littlewood vs D Norwood, 1985, which is today's GoTD, have a look at the games collections at the bottom of the page.

Look for the title <OUR DRESSES WILL GET FILTHY>. It is from my Game Collection: Games That FredTheBear likes.

I noticed that User: fredthebear tends to go a bit manic with some games. Have a look at the bottom of A Muzychuk vs Zhao Xue, 2016 for example.

So I made a collection of his favourite games, but with my own titles.

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