User Profile: offramp

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offramp
Member since Aug-16-03 · Last seen Dec-10-18

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MARK:
I’m sure you’ve run across articles about him in magazines. About how when he was a kid, he almost died from carbon monoxide poisoning huffing fumes from barbecue propane tanks, and how he was later diagnosed with having a monoamine oxidase A deficiency — what’s called a MAOA-deficiency — which made him abnormally belligerent …
WARDEN:
What made him abnormally belligerent, the deficiency or the diagnosis?
MARK:
Huh?
WARDEN:
Never mind.
MARK:
… so he was always in and out of reform schools and jails. But he developed into this incredibly ferocious player. And then the year after he won his first Ma Ling Masters, he was in a Koru’s Department Store, which is like the Bougainvillean equivalent of Sears, and he was buying a pair of maracas and the salesperson suggested that he purchase a service contract for the maracas, and Offramp very courteously declined — he’s normally a very soft-spoken, urbane person — but the clerk got increasingly aggressive about this service contract, and finally Offramp just lost it and bludgeoned him to death with the ceremonial war club he always carries around with him. So he had to leave the country and he missed two full seasons. And then when he came back, he was appearing on The Patimo Nambuka Show (which is like the Good Morning America of Bougainville), and an anaconda swallowed his mom in the green room.>
- Mark Leyner, The Tetherballs of Bougainville.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipe...
CR Wynn: "There are few mysteries on the internet. Offramp is one of them."
- Mamedyarov vs Topalov, 2017 (kibitz #11)
ColeTrane: "Offramp says a lot of garbage."
- H Mestre Bellido vs T Bakre, 2012 (kibitz #15)
Luzhin: "Offramp is writing from a secure unit where patients are well-treated by a team of dedicated professionals."
- Short vs E Blomqvist, 2017 (kibitz #12)
SirRuthless: "If you have a minute do a little research on King Leopold and his actions in the Belgian Congo. It's eye opening. Offramp chose that monster as his avatar and it was no accident. Wonderful human being this <offramp> is."
- Altibox Norway (2017) (kibitz #82)
SirRuthless: "Ahh it's Albert Pike, my mistake. Sorry about that <offramp>. I'll leave my posts up as a lesson to anyone else who makes a similar mistake and a record of my error."
- Altibox Norway (2017) (kibitz #88)
CARNIS AUTEM EST!
"Are you one of the frightened?"
- Boris Karloff
Voted Worst Fanirmod 10 years in a row.
Chess columnist of the <Weekly Northern Whig & Intelligencer>.
I am a noted expert on Teplitz-Schönau (1922) upon which I have written nine "Schönographs": learned disquisitions on that intriguing tournament. Available at www.lulu.com for $0.01 each.
Lead singer and guitarist of the Norwegian black metal band Dementert Freaks. Search for "I Wee-Wee On Your Jellyfish Sting."
A great passion of mine is to fire up the old Merlin GTS autogyro and take her up to about 5,500 metres. I take a laptop with me but I no longer post while airborne since one post made me laugh so hard that I crashed my gyrocopter.
I was born in Hong Kong and in 2005 I was required to complete National Service in the Chinese military. I was taught how to fly a Xian H-6 jet bomber. One of my missions was to carpet-bomb the town of Bishkek in Uzbekistan. A local chess tournament was taking place at the time and I later found out that I had killed 166 chess players which I believe to be the record.
I am an Honorary member of The Ancient and Honorable Artillery Company of Massachusetts and a Freeman of the City of Prince George, British Columbia and a Member of the Order of Skinner & PJ Proby's Horse and the Supreme Orator of the Order of the Acrimonious Virgin.
I have published an autobiography called <I BLEW A BILLION BUCKS ON BIKES BABES BARBITURATES BULLETS BOMBS AND BENONIS: <My Journey of Personal Discovery from Tunguska to Roswell Via Krakatoa and Hiroshima>>. It is available at Lulu.com for Ł0.01p.
I graduated from Lead City University, Hut 8, Zone B, Lagos, Nigeria with a thesis on speech act theory and moral language.
I once worked at LUSH and I have made a replica pistol out of black soap which I intend to present to Donald Trump when he visits Britain by jumping out of the crowd and handing it to him.
My philosophy is this:
Work like the ponies in coalmines.
Dance like the teardrop explodes.
Love like you're Frank in Blue Velvet.
Play chess like you're desperate to lose.
My Dad was Irish, but I am very English. In the following video I give advice on how to pronounce Flaming Nora. https://youtu.be/bVzkOK44YnE
My favourite players of all time are:
1 Frank James Marshall
2 Moshe Czerniak
3 Harry Nelson Pillsbury
4 Vladimir Simagin
5 Denis Khismatullin
6 Gustav Richard Neumann
7 Carl Theodor Goering
8 Rudolf Swiderski
9 Siegbert Tarrasch
10 Hugh Alexander Kennedy
11 Ernst Ludwig Klein.
My birthday is 29th March. I have two young children.
I am a lover of ecclesiastical architecture. I like Hawksmoor, Gibbs and Archer. In 2018 I'm hoping to visit both Santiago de Compostela and Rome. North France, as well. It is not easy because I never learned to drive a petrol vehicle, although I am trained to drive an electric train.

I spend many hours listening to Old-Time Radio (OTR). I also like pre-code comics.

>> Click here to see offramp's game collections.

   Current net-worth: 1,228 chessbucks
[what is this?]

   offramp has kibitzed 17900 times to chessgames [more...]

   Dec-10-18 Nimzowitsch vs L Steiner, 1927

offramp: I think Aron Nimzowitsch was a jejune parvenu.

   Dec-10-18 A Sokolov vs Yusupov, 1986

offramp: White's losing move may have been as late as move 70. [DIAGRAM] He played 70.Rf8, but 70.Rf2! may have held out.

   Dec-10-18 A Sokolov vs Yusupov, 1986

offramp: <Howard> is right. Yussupow was 3-1 ahead at game 9, but never more than that. 1 Sokolov,Andrei 2620 +64 0˝0˝˝˝1˝0˝111˝ 7.5/14 2 Jussupow,Artur 2660 -64 1˝1˝˝˝0˝1˝000˝ 6.5/14

   Dec-09-18 Dr Winston OBoogie chessforum

...

   Dec-09-18 offramp chessforum

offramp: https://mobile.twitter.com/lifemast... A blast from the past. It’s Goldsby.

   Dec-09-18 Jakub Martinka vs M Ragger, 2017

offramp: "Fonzie! What's the worst possible way to open a game of chess?" "Aaaayyy! King's Gambit Accepted, Cunningham (C35) ! Whoa!"

   Dec-09-18 London Chess Classic (2018)

offramp: Wow, two different venues.

   Dec-08-18 Bird vs W Pollock, 1889

offramp: It is wonderful that User: castleguy12 has been honoured with his pun being used for a GoTD. Well done! She has only kibitzed 32 times in her three years at this site, but she has come up with a cracker of a PUN for this game. However, I don't get the title, "Henry & Henry". Is that

   Dec-08-18 K Andersson vs M Gajic, 2017

offramp: I did not know that there was a King's Head Opening. It can only refer to the famous King's Head pub on Moscow Road in Bayswater, London. In my youth I used to go there two or three times a week to play chess. There was always someone to play, especially the eccentric Andrew ...

   Dec-07-18 chessgames.com chessforum

offramp: Perhaps these odd New Users are using some kind of trick to move higher in Google search rankings.

indicates a reply to the comment.

The Sun & 13 Cantons

< Earlier Kibitzing · PAGE 54 OF 54 · Later Kibitzing>
Nov-18-18		offramp: <Count Wedgemore> what is odd is that “checkmate” comes from shah mat meaning the Shah is dead, so the Ayatollahs should have been delighted with chess. But they banned it. One of the few irrational things in Islam.

Nov-18-18		offramp: Caption https://mobile.twitter.com/nigelsho...

Nov-18-18		OhioChessFan: "Only one of them is hung like a horse."

Nov-18-18		Diademas: <OhioChessFan: "Only one of them is hung like a horse."> Not sure Nigel Short implies what I think you do think it implies...

Nov-22-18		offramp: "Whatever You Say, Say Nothing" (1975) I. I'm writing just after an encounter With an English journalist in search of 'views On the Irish thing'. I'm back in winter Quarters where bad news is no longer news, Where media-men and stringers sniff and point, Where zoom lenses, recorders and coiled leads Litter the hotels. The times are out of joint But I incline as much to rosary beads As to the jottings and analyses Of politicians and newspapermen Who've scribbled down the long campaign from gas And protest to gelignite and Sten, Who proved upon their pulses 'escalate', 'Backlash' and 'crack down', 'the provisional wing', 'Polarization' and 'long-standing hate'. Yet I live here, I live here too, I sing, Expertly civil-tongued with civil neighbours On the high wires of first wireless reports, Sucking the fake taste, the stony flavours Of those sanctioned, old, elaborate retorts: 'Oh, it's disgraceful, surely, I agree.' 'Where's it going to end?' 'It's getting worse.' 'They're murderers.' 'Internment, understandably ...' The 'voice of sanity' is getting hoarse. III. "Religion's never mentioned here", of course. "You know them by their eyes," and hold your tongue. "One side's as bad as the other," never worse. Christ, it's near time that some small leak was sprung In the great dykes the Dutchman made To dam the dangerous tide that followed Seamus. Yet for all this art and sedentary trade I am incapable. The famous Northern reticence, the tight gag of place And times: yes, yes. Of the "wee six" I sing Where to be saved you only must save face And whatever you say, you say nothing. Smoke-signals are loud-mouthed compared with us: Manoeuvrings to find out name and school, Subtle discrimination by addresses With hardly an exception to the rule That Norman, Ken and Sidney signalled Prod And Seamus (call me Sean) was sure-fire Pape. O land of password, handgrip, wink and nod, Of open minds as open as a trap, Where tongues lie coiled, as under flames lie wicks, Where half of us, as in a wooden horse Were cabin'd and confined like wily Greeks, Besieged within the siege, whispering morse. IV. This morning from a dewy motorway I saw the new camp for the internees: A bomb had left a crater of fresh clay In the roadside, and over in the trees Machine-gun posts defined a real stockade. There was that white mist you get on a low ground And it was déjŕ-vu, some film made Of Stalag 17, a bad dream with no sound. Is there a life before death? That's chalked up In Ballymurphy. Competence with pain, Coherent miseries, a bite and sup, We hug our little destiny again. © Seamus Heaney

Nov-25-18		offramp: I had never heard of tagua nuts until a week ago. They are nicknamed vegetable ivory, and here s a chess set made from them: https://www.lionchess.co.uk/Chess-P... Ł120, and it's a bit small: 3" king.

Nov-26-18		DerDiemer: Goodluck for today <offramp>, 34-36 moves and your'e the Champ :-)

Nov-26-18		offramp: Thank you DerDiemer! I hope it goes well for you, as well.

Nov-26-18		DerDiemer: Congrats <offramp> in becoming the 16th Chessgames Predictor Super GM (10+ Gold) :-) What a finish !!!

Nov-27-18		offramp: <DerDiemer: Congrats <offramp> in becoming the 16th Chessgames Predictor Super GM (10+ Gold) :-) What a finish !!!> Aye. It was a close finish! Well done to you. This contest really livens these events up: I have huge admiration for the people who run it: OCF and chessmoron. They do a great job.

Nov-28-18		Count Wedgemore: Hi there, <offramp>. 4 hours until an EPIC World Championship tie-breaker starts..oh, the excitement! And congratulations with your stellar performance in the WCC Moves Prediction Contest. I take my hat off for you, sir!

Nov-28-18		offramp: A perfect end to a memorable match. Caruana showed that he was Carlsen's equal at classical chess, but we knew that from the Elo ratings anyway. Carlsen is clearly a superman at rapid chess. 3-0 is astounding. Who will win the next classical game that these two play? And how will Caruana recover? For some players losing a WC match is a career-shatterer. Anand was devastated for years by the 1995 match. Leko never recovered from the loss to Kramnik. Sokolov lost a Can Final to Karpov and disappeared off the face of the earth. I hope Caruana will take this in his stride.

Nov-28-18		Count Wedgemore: <For some players losing a WC match is a career-shatterer.> It is quite striking how often this happens. Karjakin, too, has not performed particularly well since the 2016 match, compared to his results in the years preceding that match. I wonder who will be the challenger in two years. Impossible to predict, of course, but it is fun to speculate. Caruana again? Or a Chinese player, Ding or Wei Yi, perhaps? Who knows, maybe Duda?

Nov-29-18		offramp: My field is the study of fossils from the Bonaparte Era. I’m a Napśleontologist.

Nov-29-18		offramp: This will go down as one of the best ever short matches, roughly level with Lasker - Schlechter World Championship Match (1910). There won't be many matches where there is only a 2 point Elo difference between the players. There were no Pertroffs, no Berlins... There were Sicilians-a-go-go which can never be bad. There was also a very high move-average. Both players missed wins in the first 12 games: that's chess. These guys are human. IMO, Carlsen had the better of almost every classical game, and totally deserved to win. In the end, if a disinterested observer was asked, "Who was the best chess player out of these two," there would only be one possible answer. I am puzzled that Caruana speaks English with a European accent. I mean, he was born and brought up in Brooklyn so surely he should sound like the yank that he is. Sadly, the 12 draws made chess look a bit stupid. Future matches should be: <16 games, 40 moves in 100 minutes, then 15 minutes plus 5 seconds for the remaining moves>. That's my opinion, Marty.

Nov-30-18		offramp: Carlsen - Caruana World Championship Match (2018) (kibitz #2906)

Dec-01-18		offramp: The Germans are a very efficient nation of people. If they had been on our side in the war it would've been over in half the time.

Dec-01-18		thegoodanarchist: < offramp: The Germans are a very efficient nation of people. If they had been on our side in the war it would've been over in half the time.> The Falklands War? ;)

Dec-04-18		offramp: Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I watched Coronation Street on purpose. I have been watching and listening to some Lancastrian comedians, such as Jimmy Clitheroe, Hylda Baker, Madge Hindle and Frank Randle, and I have decided that I have neglected the Mancunian half of my psyche for too long. Manchester is a beautiful city and I don't go there often enough.

Dec-04-18		thegoodanarchist: Seems to me that Sargon selects quite a number of his own puns for GOTD.

Dec-04-18		offramp: <thegoodanarchist> That is because our beloved leader is so all-wise and benevolent, showering us with pearls of his benevolent and wise humour. *** I saw an old post of mine today: H Mestre Bellido vs T Bakre, 2012 (kibitz #5) <offramp: ...In 1985 the Texas Street/Highways Interstate Tidying Service collected 286,994,034 items of "non-scheduled human-interfaced trash" from the streets of Texas. In 1990 they collected just a single piece: a copy of Anatoly Karpov's <Learn From Your Defeats>.> **** To my surprise, no one noticed the two acrimonious acronyms hidden therein.

Dec-05-18		offramp: There is a Dutch ghetto in the east of Limoges called Limoges-Oost, at least I THINK that’s the right word for it.

Dec-06-18		offramp: I hate Russian dolls. They are so full of themselves.

Dec-07-18		thegoodanarchist: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Very funny, Senor <offramp> I noticed you did not take my offer: thegoodanarchist chessforum (kibitz #1284)

Dec-09-18		offramp: https://mobile.twitter.com/lifemast... A blast from the past. It’s Goldsby.

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