You know you are a chess addict if

<1) you bump into someone and mumble J'adoube, and you don't even speak French;

<2) you drop everything and quickly spin around if you hear someone say “Hi Bobby” behind your back;

<3) you take a chess book to the bathroom and forget to go to the bathroom;

<4) you have checkered underwear with “It's your move” on the front;

<5) you end your letters and e-mails with “P.S. 1.e4. Your move!” hoping to start a game;

<6) you subtract the sum of boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives you have ever had from the number of chess programs you have owned and this number is positive;

<7) you explain that you live one block up and two blocks down, or like a Knight move;

<8) you named your first child Judith or Fritz;

<9) you explain your last relationship didn't work because the two of you were like bishops of opposite color;

<10) you read all of this and didn't laugh..>>>>>>>>>>

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Only 8 out of 10 point, because

- my children's names are Mephisto, Junior and Hydra.

I should also like to praise the high standards of print journalists when they cover chess, always to get the facts straight.

From a story tonight on Yahoo about a homeless man being the "Chess King" of Washington, DC

<"He has the title of expert in chess. This is the second highest American title; above him are master.>