<Pearson My Duncan>

#Big Dunc In

Yes how did you know the exact type of gaffer I like best?

I hadn't know aboot <Big Dunc> before, but I just now finished watching <Everton> whup <Chelsea> at <Very Goodison Park>.

<Big Dunc> took his bows like Julius Caesar returned from Alesia.

I read a bit about him. Seems he's right up <Nigel Pearson's> alley. Even more so since <Dunc> boasts an actual criminal record for assault.

You know that <Nigel Pearson> created the Leicester Team that won the Premiere League eh?

He picked them trained them and shot them through with Pearson steel.

He got sacked after getting them promoted and garnering several "Coach of the Month" awards for a banner promoted season. Why he got sacked remains a mystery- I thought it had been for assaulting an opposing player (which I watched live at the time), but apparently there are even darker rumors involving his son and "Thailand," if you catch my drift...

Anyways, <Claudio Menstrual Cycle> inherited a team poised to win the League, and so they did.

<Pearson> may have been his own worst enemy, but I hated how nobody mentioned him after that. In particular nobody mentioned that he had forged that Leicester squad to begin with, and nary a word for him after they won the League.

Now he's back. All he and <Dunc> have to do is to avoid criminally assaulting players, gaffers, policemen, and little kids in the stands for a few months. Also, they and all family members should avoid sex tourism holidays in the tropics. What else... avoid head butting pub punters, firemen, hoteliers, and taxi drivers. Then they could really produce some results.

<“I saw an ant in my kitchen the other day and so I placed a sugar cube in front of him. He had some of it and then went to tell his mates, so I quickly hid it because I wanted them to think he was a liar.” – Martin Dunn, Jesmond>

ahhhhhhhhahahahaahah brilliant! The genius of VIZ, that someone would plot- intricately- against an ant... HAHAHAHAHA

This "letter from a reader" was long a favorite of mine:

Hmm on <Everton v Chelsea>, the very last shot before <#Big Dunc> left the pitch was <Gareth Southgate> with his insufferable supa-serious expression staring at Dunc. He was probably mulling over the idea of giving him a cap. He's already given one to everyone else in England.

<Gone Southgate> needs to go. He isn't smart enough to win a major tournament. His brow is constantly furrowed not because of deep analysis, but because he's thick.

I bet he has exactly the same expression on his face when he's opening a particularly challenging packet of crisps.

You can't be gadding about giving every single player in England a cap. You need to pick your 11 and stick with them, certainly well before the end of qualification rounds. Like the <Special Bun> likes to do it.

As for <Twattin’ Eric>, there was never anything to forgive in my book. The bloke was giving him strong abuse from what he thought was a protected space for cowards, and got his comeuppance. <The Queen> should have given <CantonTsar> a knighthood for that. “Arise Sir Eric, thou art a master twatter” could well have been the words ringing around her head, had she been watching.

Biters, on the other hand, get no forgiveness from me. <Iron Mike Tyson> was a hero for boxing fans around the world back in the day. But when he started attacking women and biting people’s ears off, I’m afraid it was a case of ‘hero to zero’. Same with <Luis Swarfega> – I would have given him at least a 5 year ban after his second offence. No place for cannibalism on a football pitch.

<Jerusalem> should have been our National Anthem for sure. This is a view popularly held by Brits. <Billy Connolly> once did a sketch where he ridiculed the extant anthem for its dour echoes of a funeral march and blamed this for the poor showing of British athletes at the time. His comic suggestion was to adopt the theme from <The Archers>, a tune with an energizing, uplifting tone that would wake the dead ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9n...

He might have had a point.

Word is reaching me that <Inkwell Arteta> has now been appointed permanent manager of <The Arse> and so <Freddy Iceberg> has had to pass on the packet of suppositories. An amusing twist that Man City only learnt of this after the appointment was made. That’s goodbye to their much valued assistant, without so much as a ... goodbye. <Gladioli> probably just jumped out of his vase in a state of floral rage.

<Return of the POD people>

Well I just watched the last match before the Christmas smorgasbord starts, and I have to say both <Pool> and <Twatford> played very poorly.

<Twatford> threw away multiple open goal chances, and should have won. They had much the best chances, but if you can't convert then it's meaningless.

<Mohammed Ali> may be the best finisher in Europe, or the world for that matter.

"Greetings, miserable proles.

...all united towards one goal: the complete and utter annihilation of the godless Belgians."

Yes, it would seem that <Mohammed Salsa> is back to his best after some substantial resting. He dominated that game with Watford.

And the <Club World Cup> game … well let’s just say you didn’t miss much – baking hot temperatures in Qatar obviously favoured the South Americans and Liverpool were strolling about in an exhausted fashion, playing many a backwards pass, and relying on <Salsa> to create all the chances. I will somehow summon the enthusiasm to watch the Final today, but I’m not expecting much.

Liverpool’s absence from The Prem this week has put a huge hole in my <Sexual Fantasy Team> though, so FIFA have been struck from my Xmas Card list forthwith.

Watched <Hell Or High Water> last night, which was okay – a kind of <Bonnie and Clyde> meets <Thunderbolt and Lightfoot>. Worth a watch if you’re a fan of Jeff Bridges or Chris Pine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9k...

Bowie unveils a great singing voice. Who knew? Perhaps Crosby inspired him. Der Bingle was arguably the most influential male singer of the 20th century.

<Tim> On a (very) rare serious note, the only reason the good <Sam and Max> "Belgian" joke is still on youtube is that nobody, except you and me, knows who <Sam and Max> is.

The <Monty Python> "Let's pick a derogatory term for the Belgians" sketch has been deleted from youtube.

Part of the new youtube "anti-hate speech" policy, which doesn't have a sense of humor, and thus cannot recognize satire.

Luckily, a brave somebody or other has uploaded a vast array of "anti-Belgian" jokes from very high profile comic acts here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36i...

I think I remember the list though from the original Monty Python sketch.

4th place- "I can't think of a term more derogatory than 'Belgian'"

3rd place- "The Sprouts"

2nd place- "The Phlegms" (heh)

<Day of the Triffids POD>

<Spurs> are the final week 17 game late on Sunday eh?

I'm on DEEP HIDING FROM THE FOOTYNET mode because I need to get my matches viewed quickly- there's another smorgasboard a few days from now, as you know.

December is likely the best month of the year for Premiere League fanatics because of the smorgasborgen.

<Tim> well <Sam and Max> are to be treasured, for updating the very best of the Borscht Belt in such a delightful format.

They are working in an august tradition. Look at this partial list of talent who got their start in the <Catskills>:

Woody Allen, Rodney Dangerfield, Jerry Seinfeld, Henny Youngman, performed there, Sid Caesar, Billy Crystal, Buddy Hackett, Gabe Kaplan, Andy Kaufman, and Joan Rivers.

How delightful that <Sam and Max> have continued this sassiest of humor in an interactive video game format eh?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmX...

<Cat's Faith> (Hanh)

Thanks so much!

This display here is particularly useful: http://www.metropostcard.com/guideb...

You can see from the lower case 't' section how some of the 't' figures look like an 'l.'

This caused me a great deal of confusion when I was trying to figure out who "Hermanis Mallisons" was.

<Teem- old comedy hysterian>

Intresting. I remember you posting a fair bit of material from <Firesign Theater>.

I have no knowledge of <Sam and Max> being associated with the Borscht Belt or even Jewish comic history in general eh?

*Ape Canyon, Washington State*

<Tim> I first read about the "can do" ru in one of those old "historical/geographical fun facts" sections they used to have at the end of comic books.

That's also where I first heard aboot dinosaurs.

And UFOs.

And Sasquatches.

Much of that material was not at all suitable for kids, which is why it was precisely suitable for kids.