User: Resignation Trap

<Oct-25-08>

<Many kibitzers here have posted their own personal forecasts on the openings and results of the Anand-Kramnik match games. I've decided to take this prediction stuff to an idiotic length: the whole game score and result. Only the location, moves and names have been changed to protect the innocent. Fishy NN d - Wilholdya Kramnuts

World Chumpionship Match
Moron, Argentina

1.d4 d5 2.c4 c6 3.Nc3 Nf6 4.Nf3 e6
5.e3 Nbd7 6.Qc2 Bd6 7.g4 Bb4 8.Rg1 0-0
9.g5 Ne4 10.Bd3 f5 11.gxf6 Ndxf6 12.Ne5 c5
13.cxd5 exd5 14.f3 cxd4 15.exd4 Nd6 16.Bg5 Qb6
17.Bxf6 Rxf6 18.Bxh7+ Kh8 19.Ng6+ Rxg6 20.Bxg6 Qxd4

click for larger view

At this point, Fishy reached to play the consolidating move: 21.Rg3. Kramnuts leaned way back in his chair, just as he had done during game five (right before the >>>>Ne3<<<< move by Fishy). When all of the sudden, mysterious music started to play:http://www.geocities.com/ricardomt/...

Both players were shocked. Fishy dropped his rook and knocked some other pieces down all over the board. Wilholdya fell out of his seat. NNd, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from, looked askance. The arbiter descended to the board. He told Fishy to hand over what was in his pocket. The sound was coming from his wallet. It was coming from a credit card, or it looked like a credit card, anyway.

Kramnuts had to be taken to the Moron Hospital, he had injured his back and shoulders during his fall.

The arbiter examined the credit card. It wasn't a credit card at all, but a clever gizmo called the Phrelay pPod. It had the ability to transmit waves into a metallic device the size of a tooth filling. When not used for that, one could listen to music through it.

It was decided that, since it was on Fishy's person, the game was declared a loss for him, as though it were a cell phone. Kramnuts had scored his first victory, but he wasn't there.

From the hospital came the word that Kramnuts' fall was so serious that he couldn't finish the match as scheduled, it would have to be delayed.

NNd's team, lead by GM Radishlaw Avoidacheck, claimed that, since Kramnuts wasn't available to play per schedule, that the title be awarded to NNd. The Match Committee, after much discussion, agreed, and contacted Kramnuts' team of analysts to tell them of their decision.

Dieter Meekone, spokesperson for the Kramnuts entourage, totally disagreed with the decision, pleading that this was their player's best point in the match to actually win it. He appealed.

FIDO's president, Cursing Ilyin-Zhenevsky, had to hold a conference before making his final decision...

Taking into consideration the fact that nothing firm had been set on the upcoming match between Vesselwill Toppleoff and Gotta Jamski, that the NNd - Kramnuts match was to be declared null and void. In its place, a new Four-player quadruple round-robin consisting of NNd, Kramnuts, Toppleoff and Jamski was to be played sometime during the Fall of 2009, and bids were now open.

<The following takes place from 4 to 5 pm EST>.

And here is the response:

<Oct-27-08 shach matov: It is possible that <Jack Bauer> forgot to ask someone to shoot him if he ever starts to post the hourly reminders on this page. However people without clocks may benefit from this.>

HAHAHAHAAHAH

On the page of the 24-move draw Botvinnik vs Smyslov, 1954 - the last game of the Botvinnik-Smyslov World Championship Match (1954) the following message was posted on April 28, 2008:

<positionalgenius: Its a good thing that this was not played in the modern age... can you imagine kramnik and anand going for a 24 move draw in the final game of their upcoming Bonn match?>

Regarding the games E Daillet vs S Turlej, 1991, J Karasalo vs E Daillet, 1991, E Daillet vs H Baensch, 1991 and R B Talmadge vs E Daillet, 1991, all of which ended in a loss for Daillet after only a few moves:

<Chan: Obviously an incomplete score...>

<jahhaj: What all four of them? [...] I'm inclined to think it was a protest, or maybe an artistic statement.>

<WannaBe: From what I know, ICCF is corr. chess. Maybe he ran out of 'stamps' or his e-mail acct. got canceled (4 times!!)>

<jahhaj: Maybe he got this huge guard dog and the postman never called again.>

[Note: <Mateo> had a Freud avatar when the following was posted]

<Mateo: As a well-known psychologist, I could receive both players in Vienna. Both players have different problems. Kramnik's frequent visits to the Bathroom are a simple symptom of a present neurosis, more exactly a slight distress neurosis (easy to understand). Topalov's case is more complicated. I diagnose a possible psychotic evolution towards paranoia (as you know, the link between paranoia and megalomania is tight). But I would need a careful examination of both players to verify if there is any regression to a sadoanal stage. For Kramnik, he could find some erotic infantile satisfaction in the frequenting of the bathroom. For Topalov, there could be a form of typical denial. He is fascinated by what is happening in the bathroom. Either he would like to go there but he cannot (because of the father figure, Danailov? To escape to the video eye, the law, the superego?), or he would be there with Kramnik, and that would be a sign of the well-known homosexual panic. As he cannot assume this shameful desire, he becomes aggresive for the object of his libidinous drive. Please note that this would be the only way to satisfy this desire and at the same time to give satisfaction to the figure of the father (Danailov) who expressed the prohibition on the depravity place, the babylonian Bathroom.

Topalov vs Kramnik, 2007

<tamar: Can't we all be more like Korchnoi... who hates all opponents, regardless of sex, age, creed, or ethnic group :-)>

<Nikita Smirnov>: Escuse me but I have a question. I meet a girl everyday in the subway.We take the same train and she lives some 400 metres from me and I only spoke to her once: Me:-Escuse me but what is the time? She:-I don't know.

And my question is.How shall I make her mine?

She is realy nice.
________

<BishopofBlunder>: Dear <Nikita Smirnov>,

Buy her a watch. Then, when you next ask her for the time, she will have it and you can talk to her.

Signed,
BishopofBlunder
<Romance Counselor to the Stars>

P.S. I will send you my bill.
BoB

________

<Maroczy>: <Nikita Smirnov> Start with small talk, " nice day today, I saw you in the neighborhood, etc. " I'm sure she's been paid attention to before you came along.

________

<keypusher>: <nikita smirnov>

<And my question is.How shall I make her mine?>

Kidnap her and lock her in your basement. Duh!

________

<kellmano>: <Nikita> If i were you, i'd walk up to her with a travel chess set and challenge her to a game. Either that, or i wouldn't ask a load of chessplayers how to chat up women :-)

________

<Shams>: <Escuse me but I have a question. I meet a girl everyday in the subway.We take the same train and she lives some 400 metres from me and I only spoke to her once: Me:-Escuse me but what is the time? She:-I don't know.

And my question is.How shall I make her mine?>

I have a couple ideas. You need to be a little brazen.

1.) write your name and number on a piece of paper. when she stands up, hand her the piece of paper and say "I think this fell out of your purse". She'll read it and look confused. Flash her your best confident smile and say "looks like a pretty important piece of paper."

2.) Just ask her name and introduce yourself. Ask what she's reading. If she's open to chatting, punctuate things with the odd "light touch" on her shoulder. (Not the leg unless you're really getting strong signals.) Notice (but don't comment on, yet) what she's wearing. Eye color, how much makeup, that sort of thing.

3.) Tell her, "I work in commodities trading. Hog futures, specifically. And I see a hog in *your* future!

(ok, don't say that.)

disclaimer: these work great with female iguanas, but with human women, your mileage may vary.

The subway-pickup is a longshot, so don't expect much. Your best odds are if you're fun and not nervous. Befriend her, don't pick her up. Later you can take a shot.

________

<TheBB>: Guys, he's 13. Likely he won't need serious relationship advice for a few years :).

________

<benjinathan>: <Guys, he's 13. Likely he won't need serious relationship advice for a few years :).>

That's good because he certainly isn't getting any here. Has anyone here ever gone on a date?

________

<Shams>: <Has anyone here ever gone on a date?>

I'm thinking, I'm thinking...

________

<Jim Bartle>: Maybe watch a few episodes of "The Wonder Years"...

________

<WannaBe>: <keypusher: <nikita smirnov>

<And my question is.How shall I make her mine?>

Kidnap her and lock her in your basement. Duh! >

Whatever you <DO>, don't listen to <keypusher> (I'll give him h3ll when I see him at Las Vegas =)

Small talks are good start... don't be afraid to make mistakes, just like chess, you'll learn from them. =)

________

And then on June 5, 2008:

<Nikita Smirnov>: <kellmano>,She is emo.

________

That's good because he certainly isn't getting any here. Has anyone here ever gone on a date?

________

<Shams>: <Has anyone here ever gone on a date?>

I'm thinking, I'm thinking...

________

<Nov-18-08
The Long Diagonal: Whether Finland is part of Scandinavia, depends on the definition. If you use Scandinavia as a geographical term, refering to the peninsula, Finland is obviously not a part of Scandinavia.

From the cultural, historical, political, social etc. points of view, Finland is a Scandinavian country. For centuries, it used to be part of Sweden which had a huge impact on Finnish culture. The overwhelming majority of population are protestants (Lutherans), like in other Scandinavian countries. The political system in Finland is essentially a copy of the Swedish system with a big public sector, having its roots in Social Democratic People's home (folkshemmet) thinking.

Whether Finland belongs to Scandinavia linguistically, is a question with two possible answers. You can vote "no", if you lay emphasis on the fact, that a huge majority of Finns speak Finnish as their mother tongue, a language that's totally different from Scandinavian languages and doesn't even belong to the Indo-European family. But there's also a strong argument for a "yes", since Finland is officially a bilingual country with a 6 % minority of Swedish speakers.

>

now the rejoinder courtesy User: Stonehenge

<Nov-18-08 Stonehenge: People, Scandinavia is part of Denmark.>

<Jim Bartle: Azerbaijan-Armenia?

Cosmetics is killing chess.>

Chessgames Challenge: A Nickel vs The World, 2008

click for larger view

Vassily Ivanchuk

Kirsan reminds me a bit of Batman: he always has a plan.

Unfortunately, it's never a good plan...

Anyway, here is amadeus' modest proposal for the next cycle: each player is going to have a different task.

Carlsen will have to pass through the gates of Hell, and find the blue bird of happiness. Same goes to Radjabov, but in Morelia. Aronian has to destroy the Red Army, and a couple of bad taste T-shirts.

Ivanchuk needs to piss in a cup, and destroy the pillars from the temple of Dagon with his bare feet. Kramnik must win three straight games with Black. Ponomariov needs a haircut. Topalov is seeded.

<jackmandoo>: Seems like Garry had some trouble with his calculations in this game. His first mistake was choosing the Sicilian Defense which has been proven to be inferior.

<cade>: I hope you are being sarcastic

<jackmandoo>: "I don't believe in sarcasm, I believe in good moves." Fischer

<THE pawn>: Then if the sicilian defense ( In my opinion, Garry's best weapon) is inferior, why is it played again and again at elite levels?

<jackmandoo>: Well I suppose it all depends on what you would consider "elite". It's your own personal opinion isn't it? If you break the Sicilian down it is very simple and easy for white to keep the initaive. All you have to do with any opening or ANYTHING for that matter is just "break it down". You could even find the answer to life using this method. I could explain the mysteries of the existance of Mankind if I wanted to! To understand Mankind first you have to look at the word. It's made up of two words, Mank and Ind, figure those out and you have your answer.

<EricCartman>: <jackmandoo> Offcourse, the Sicilian is the worst opening in the whole chess game. I mean 1...c5? It makes no sense. Just pawnstorm ==> dead king

...