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Later Kibitzing> |
Apr-19-14
 | | WCC Editing Project: <TimMetrics>
Fair enough, but as the only Soviet international master in a stout field, he was bound to make headlines- especially if he won. As I noted somewhere or other, after he did win the interzonal his results were monstrous. Nobody could stand in his way, it seemed...
Except Mighty Mike. |
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Apr-19-14
 | | perfidious: <WCC Editing Project: <grandamster> lol> In Cockney, this <is> the correct rendering of grandhamster, though! Make sure you don't give the game away by actually enunciating the 'h'. |
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Apr-19-14
| | WCC Editing Project: <perifdious> heh... thank you for the warning. Also, it's always good to see you in here. I wish you would come more often, but I didn't get where I am today by telling valued colleagues where to post their kibbutzes. ########################
<Clams>
I changed this passage here in the draft, based largely on your suggestions, and me thinking more about your suggestions in relation to the chronology and the precise details of <Bronstein's> playing record in the years before the interzonal: ===
"This earned him a spot on the lower boards of Soviet team events, where he performed well. He further progressed in smaller events with good results, but his performance against the best Soviet opposition was not yet strong enough to attain the grandmaster title. FIDE still invited him, along with six other Soviets, to play in the Saltsjöbaden Interzonal (1948), which he won.<1,2> In recognition of this achievement, Bronstein was awarded the Soviet grandmaster title.<2> The interzonal marked the first showing of a dramatically improved form, and he carried this momentum forward, winning both the USSR Championship (1948) and the USSR Championship (1949). He went on to tie Isaac Boleslavsky for first in the Budapest Candidates (1950), and won the subsequent playoff match. Bronstein had earned the right to face Mikhail Botvinnik in a world championship match." |
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| Apr-19-14 | | Boomie: <Working Class Chic> Looks tiggety boo to me.
That picture of your Buns of Glory is how I imagine your spirit, btw. |
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Apr-19-14
| | WCC Editing Project:
<O'Shanter, Comrades> Here is the first paragraph now:
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David Bronstein was born in Belaya Tserkov, Ukraine in 1924. He showed early promise, debuting in the 1939 Ukrainian Championship at age 15, and finishing a strong 2d behind Isaac Boleslavsky in the 1940 edition. Four years later he
qualified for the USSR Championship (1944), finishing 15th and notching his first <career victory> - <insert game link here>-Bronstein vs Botvinnik, 1944 over Mikhail Botvinnik. He improved to 3d in the USSR Championship (1945), which earned him a spot in Soviet team events, where he performed well. Although his results against the best Soviet opposition were not yet strong enough to attain the grandmaster title, FIDE still invited him and six other Soviets to play in the Saltsjöbaden Interzonal (1948).<1,2> Bronstein won, and was immediately awarded the Soviet grandmaster title.<2> He carried this excellent form forward, sharing 1st in both the USSR Championship (1948) and the USSR Championship (1949). He went on to tie Boleslavsky for 1st in the Budapest Candidates (1950), and won the subsequent playoff match. Bronstein had earned the right to face Botvinnik in a world championship match. |
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| Apr-20-14 | | Boomie: <WCC>
<Bronstein won, and was immediately awarded the Soviet grandmaster title.> I think the comma is not needed here. |
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Apr-20-14
| | WCC Editing Project: <Tomma>
Ok then. |
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| Apr-20-14 | | Boomie: I think the rest of the Clambakes are hiding Easter eggs. We may be alone in here for a couple of days. |
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Apr-20-14
| | WCC Editing Project: Interesting.
Here, it's "Squid-nal."
We don't get any time off, but we may hunt for squid, if necessary. |
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| Apr-20-14 | | Boomie: Do squids lay eggs like bunnies? |
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Apr-20-14
 | | OhioChessFan: <WantonCommaCleanser: Bronstein won, and was immediately awarded the Soviet grandmaster title.> I like the comma. It creates a bit of a dramatic pause to digest the fact he won a tournament he wasn't expected to. It seems to fit right in with the word "still", in creating a mood. I would almost like "Bronstein won.", although that would be a bit jarring. The use of the comma hits a happy medium of pause for drama's sake, and flowing narrative. |
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Apr-20-14
| | OhioChessFan: <Although his results against the best Soviet opposition were not yet strong enough to attain the grandmaster title, FIDE still invited him and six other Soviets to play in the Saltsjöbaden Interzonal (1948).> I think "and" isn't quite right. That sort of ties the 6 other Soviets to the buzzword "still", the take-notice word that announces/suggests Bronstein didn't quite belong. Here's a few tries to address it: Although his results against the best Soviet opposition were not yet strong enough to attain the grandmaster title, FIDE still invited him with six other Soviets to play in the Saltsjöbaden Interzonal (1948). Although his results against the best Soviet opposition were not yet strong enough to attain the grandmaster title, FIDE still invited him along with six other Soviets to play in the Saltsjöbaden Interzonal (1948). Although his results against the best Soviet opposition were not yet strong enough to attain the grandmaster title, FIDE still invited him to join six other Soviets playing in the Saltsjöbaden Interzonal (1948). Although his results against the best Soviet opposition were not yet strong enough to attain the grandmaster title, FIDE still invited him to join six other Soviets to play in the Saltsjöbaden Interzonal (1948). |
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Apr-20-14
| | OhioChessFan: http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/eEBpdlagZu0/... |
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| Apr-20-14 | | Boomie: <Oh! Cleveland, Ohio> Perhaps my eyes are playing tricks but are those 4 variations identical? Also maybe we can do without the "still" since the "Although" seems to say it all. |
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Apr-20-14
| | perfidious: <WCC> Much as I should like to contribute with respect to many bios, my ability to do so is circumscribed by the fact that almsot all my books are in, shall we say, mothballs, making it all but impossible to cite sources. Have to rely upon memory, something less reliable now I am past the age of fifty. Best I can do in most instances is copy edit stuff and make/implement suggestions as to style, in the same fashion as <OCF>. |
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Apr-20-14
| | OhioChessFan: It is 5AM in Ohio and my eyes can't read any more, but my mind tells me I offered 4 distinct choices. I really like the "still", though the revenuers are trying to delete it. Offering 4 choices as a clever ruse to make people choose one of your suggestions might work on the RiffRaff page, but I am pretty sure the more intellectual clientele here would see through it, so those are sincere suggestions, none of which may be right/best/something. I must now go back to bed or maybe dye some Squid Eggs. |
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| Apr-20-14 | | Boomie: <Ohio>
Doh! My eyes are going. Perhaps my plan to watch the Gashimov games is too ambitious. |
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| Apr-20-14 | | dakgootje: <BrainGoesBoom><Doh! My eyes are going. Perhaps my plan to watch the Gashimov games is too ambitious.> Had something similar a few days ago. Calculated to make a decisive rook move with a rook I'd sacced two moves earlier. -- regarding the 4 options: I'd like the first option ['with', no along or join] best. Mainly because it's the shortest without anything really wrong with it. The addition 'to join' is stressed slightly in my mind, which I wouldn't really want there. <He showed early promise, debuting in the 1939 Ukrainian Championship at age 15, and finishing a strong 2d behind Isaac Boleslavsky in the 1940 edition.> Is the comma after 15 really needed?
< He improved to 3d in the USSR Championship (1945), which earned him a spot in Soviet team events, where he performed well.> I don't really get the sentence. Where did he perform well, the USSR championship or the Soviet team events? If the former, I'd keep both sentence parts together (the next year he performed well in the [1945-tournament] improving to a third -- or something). < Bronstein won, and was immediately awarded the Soviet grandmaster title.> I'd like to keep the comma. |
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| Apr-20-14 | | Karpova: <dakgootje: <He improved to 3d in the USSR Championship (1945), which earned him a spot in Soviet team events, where he performed well.> I don't really get the sentence. Where did he perform well, the USSR championship or the Soviet team events? If the former, I'd keep both sentence parts together (the next year he performed well in the [1945-tournament] improving to a third -- or something).> He performed well in the Soviet team events. The comma could be left out, perhaps: "He improved to 3d in the USSR Championship (1945), which earned him a spot in Soviet team events where he performed well." |
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Apr-20-14
 | | SwitchingQuylthulg: I think the first paragraph in general should have more citations. We have nine sentences in that paragraph, seven of which don't cite any sources; if the two references we do cite are our sources for that whole paragraph, we ought to spam them where appropriate. In particular, "He showed early promise, debuting in the 1939 Ukrainian Championship at age 15, and finishing a strong 2d behind Isaac Boleslavsky in the 1940 edition" and "which earned him a spot in Soviet team events where he performed well" should have clear references. |
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Apr-20-14
| | perfidious: <Although his results against the best Soviet opposition were not yet strong enough to attain the grandmaster title, FIDE still invited him and six other Soviets to play in the Saltsjöbaden Interzonal (1948).> My preference would be as follows:
<While Bronstein's results against the strongest Soviet opposition were, at the time, insufficient to earn that country's grandmaster title, FIDE invited him, as one of seven Soviet representatives, to play in the Saltsjobaden Interzonal.> |
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Apr-20-14
| | WCC Editing Project: <Outstanding Editing!> Each and every one of you.
I'm thrilled in particular that <perfidious> has joined our Soviet. I'm not sure how <perfidious> himself feels about this, but this means it is now legal to refer to him as "Comrade." Based on your fine work, I am rebuilding the first paragraph and not only adding new source notes, but also adding some new information. Please be patient-
The mirror draft has already been significantly altered, but I'm in the process of rewriting it. While I'm composing the new paragraph draft, please wait until I finish before offering any edits on it. I'll let you know when I finish the rewrites. |
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Apr-20-14
| | WCC Editing Project: <Perfidious>
I have added you to our Soviet, which is posted in our WCC profile: ######################
WCC Editing Project Committee
<JFQ>, <Karpova>, <crawfb5>, <OhioChessFan>, <Boomie>, <SwitchingQuylthulg>, <dakgootje>, <perfidious> ###################
Since participation in the WCC Editing Project is open to all <cg.com> members, this is an informal Soviet. It does mean that you are now welcome to participate in those instances when we call for a vote on something or other to do with a draft. These votes are "informal," but I find them useful as a gauge of informed and esteemed opinion. In terms of "style edits" the draft writer has final say, but in terms of "factual errors" or "grammatical errors" the Soviet has final say. We won't let any draft out of here with factual or grammatical errors if we can help it. |
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Apr-20-14
 | | Annie K.: <I'm not sure how <perfidious> himself feels about this, but this means it is now legal to refer to him as "Comrade."> Comrade <perfidious> will be delighted. If not, nice long vacation in Siberia. |
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Apr-20-14
| | perfidious: See y'all in the rest of the world in ten years or so! Guess I'd best pack the sheepskin coats, gloves with Thinsulate and Sorel boots-the winters are long out there, I'm told. |
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Later Kibitzing> |
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Kibitzing
