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Dec-24-06
 | | OhioChessFan: Best P.S. in the history of Chessgames:
Wu Tank, Santa Claus page:
<Dear Santa,
since i dont get the @#$%*!& Wii i wanted so damn much ... please give me a account.Would rock! Best greets from Germany. P.S. sry for the whole WWII thing
> |
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| Dec-30-06 | | fgh: I just invented this pun, hehe :-)
Lindemann vs Echtermeyer, 1893 |
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Dec-31-06
 | | TheAlchemist: <XadrezBrasileiro, Oct-23-06, Lindemann vs Echtermeyer, 1893 >: Center Counter Game/Suicidal King Gambit:
1.e4 d5
2.exd5 Qxd5
3.Ke2!!
Master's comments: The solid Ke2!! develops the king to a logical square, where it blocks in both the queen and bishop and places itself in a perfect checkmate position. Its only drawbacks are the cramping of the queen and bishop, giving up the ability to castle, and the slight drop of material (White must give up his king in order to grab the superior position). It must be noted that white has some slightly better options here, including: 3.a3
3.a4
3.b3
3.b4
3.c3
3.c4
3.d3
3.d4
3.f3
3.f4
3.g3
3.g4
3.h3
3.h4
3.Nc3
3.Na3
3.Nf3
3.Nh3
3.Be2
3.Bd3
3.Bc4
3.Bb5
3.Ba6
3.Qe2
3.Qf3
3.Qg4
3.Qh5!!(Another one of our favorite lines, where white sacrifices a queen for positional advantages, such as developing his bishop to e2 with tempo!!) |
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| Jan-11-07 | | Chess Classics: <you vs yourself: What do you guys think about the following opening: 1.Nf3 d4 2.Nf1?! Has anyone here tried this kind of opening in a tournament before and if so, did it work? I'm thinking that maybe this type of opening will give me a better chance of winning against higher rated players than a normal opening for the following reasons: 1. It puts more pressure on my opponent to win. Not only is he higher rated, but now he has the "advantage" on the board. 2. Unless he has a cool head and only plays the board under any circumstances, this type of move will piss him off. More emotions, less objectivity... 3. I don't have to worry about his home prep. > Check out the opening he lists at the beginning of the post... Regards,
CC |
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Jan-12-07
 | | chancho: From <hayton3>:
<I'm not sure Gollum of Lord of the Rings would approve of the mimickery..."Sneaky little chess officials, wicked, tricksy, false. My Precious, it's ours it is and we wants it! My Precious! You stole it, My Precious, and we wants it! You filthy little thieves! We wants My Precious LIFE MASTER TITLE"> |
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| Jan-12-07 | | azaris: Amazing. Somebody still finds the Gollum impressions funny. I thought they'd gone the way of Mastercard ad parodies and the "so-and-so called" meme. |
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Jan-20-07
| | TheAlchemist: <OhioChessFan, Jan-20-07, User: chessgames.com >: Chessgames.com, I request you have a homepage link where I click on it, and my chess improves 10 ELO points immediately. <chessgames.com>: We can do better than that--we can increase your rating 100 points! The link will say "Join the USCF." |
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| Jan-26-07 | | Archives: <Plato: In the spirit of the comments here, another tale relates that the young mathematician Arpad Elo (of future "Elo rating" fame) was observing the game, and after Black's third move he suddenly blurted: "Grandmaster Gruenfeld just played the Gruenfeld Defense!! What were the odds on that??!" at which point Alekhine threw him out the window for kibitzing while the game was in progress, and Gruenfeld took full advantage of the rare opportunity to behead Alekhine's Queen, who screamed out her final memorable words, "Why must I be beheaded by this idiot???" which caught the attention of Nimzowitsch, who naturally went to the corner of the room to stand on his head. In the meanwhile, Akiba Rubinstein was swatting imaginary flies off of his own head, and the ghost of Steinitz was still spitting away at the venerated head of 80-year-old Joseph Henry Blackburne while simultaneously engaged in a chess game against God (Who spotted him pawn and move odds, but lost); poor Amos Burn still hadn't managed to light his doggone pipe, wailing at the injustice of it all (he only had three more years to figure the damn thing out, poor chap), whereupon the Polish master Paulino Frydman ran around the room in the nude yelling "Fire!", and Capablanca, who had been stoically analysing his position and was completely oblivious to the commotion all around him, suddenly announced mate in twenty-four against his hapless and perpetually luckless opponent "NN," who groaned that he was going to retire from chess altogether and would people <please> stop stealing his initials and tacking them to the losing side of brilliant games. It was then that the one year-old Smyslov sang "La Donna e Mobile" in a fine baritone voice while demonstrating his endgame virtuosity in a brilliant queen ending against the nine year-old Reshevsky, who was simultaneously giving simultaneous displays against some of Europe's leading masters, including Ossip Bernstein, who accused him of needing to go potty too often for a boy his age, which was duly noted by the non-existent but nonetheless savvy Silvio Danailov. By this time Alekhine had lost the game, threw his King across the room, extended his hand in courtesy and bleated, "Well done, Mr. Gruenfeld," but the latter responded with a sinister laugh and vowed never to give him a rematch, a fact which was duly noted by the fully-existent and altogether savvy Alexander Alekhine. This is where it starts to get foggy... some sources claim that an identified Grandmaster suddenly sat down and started nibbling on his cheese sandwich, while others insist that it was really tuna, still others denying both reports, pointing to circumstantial evidence of eggsalad and tomato. The entire incident has henceforth been referred to as "The Great Sandwich Debate," and -- shockingly -- to this very day there is no consensus among historians regarding the precise comestible content of that sandwich, consumed and gone forever on that mysterious autumn afternoon in Vienna, 1922... <Source: Philidor, François-André Danican: Analyse du jeu des Échecs, Café de la Régence Publishing House, 1749>> |
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Jan-26-07
| | TheAlchemist: <Open Defence, Topalov-Kramnik (Corus 2007), Jan-26-07>: Topalov to Kramnik - is that a Fritz in your pants or are you happy to see me? |
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| Jan-27-07 | | hitman84: Kramnik to Topalov - I'm happy to see your manager [Laughs] |
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| Jan-27-07 | | hitman84: Topalov-Kramnik (Corus 2007) :
<
NakoSonorense: Go Topalovvv!
chessmoron: Go Hensel!
GeauxCool: Go Gretel!
WannaBe: Go Rudolph, go Dasher, go Dancer, go Prancer; Oh, never mind... Chess Classics: Go away.
Regards,
CC> |
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| Jan-27-07 | | hitman84: <CG v/s MFO>
<Rocafella: <hitman> I like the classical as it's easy to play. As goes for tactics, I am not your man. I have actually been beaten by my computer at chess. The sad thing is, it doesn't even have a chess program lol> |
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| Jan-27-07 | | Archives: <Jackmandoo: Theres like a buttload of gangs at this website. One of them wanted me to join because I'm pretty good with my biship pair.> Alot more funny if you have seen the movie Napoleon Dynamite |
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| Jan-30-07 | | you vs yourself: <positionalgenius: <chessgames.com>Would it be OK if I created a second account strictly for game collections and light kibitzing? chessgames.com: <positionalgenius> Sure, we don't mind, as long as it's not used for fraudulent purposes (e.g. double voting on the Shulman game, ChessBookie cheating, backing yourself up in arguments, etc.)> |
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Jan-30-07
| | TheAlchemist: Amusing successive posts, although I suspect it may have been intentional, but when in doubt, I always assume the worst :-) <BishopBerkeley, Sep-30-05, Edinburgh Chess Club >: Is the Zurich Chess Club the oldest in the world? And does anyone have a link to their website? <BishopBerkeley, Oct-11-05, Edinburgh Chess Club >: <BishopBerkeley> Interesting question! I happen to have a link to the homepage of what is likely the oldest Chess club in the world, the Zürich Chess Club (Schachgesellschaft Zürich): http://www.sgzurich.ch/
Hope this is helpful! |
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Jan-31-07
| | TheAlchemist: <Eyal, Jan-31-07, Domdaniel chessforum >: <TOP TEN Moments when you should sense danger in chess> #10. There has been a change in the pawn structure. Your opponent has eight and you don’t have any. #9. Your opponent begins to throw pawns at your eyes. #8. You have a won position, but your opponent has a gun. #7. The Director tells you not to bother turning in your score sheet after the game. #6. Before the game begins you notice your opponent’s first initials are ‘GM’. #5. After completing your development you sense your opponent is playing the endgame. #4. Just as you make your opening move your opponent announces mate in 11. #3. You don’t control any squares at all.
#2. Your draw offer sends all the people watching your game into uncontrollable laughter. #1. Your opponent has three bishops.
<TOP TEN Ways to tell if you are winning your Chess Game> #10. Your opponent stands on the table yelling at the top of his lungs “Why must I lose to this IDIOT!” #9. Your opponent leaves the tournament hall without resignation or stopping the chess clock and doesn’t return. #8. Your opponent begins to complain about interference by spectators, the noise of traffic, toothache, headache, backache, the foulness of your breath, bad lighting, blinding lighting, defective chessman, a board too large, a board too small, hypnotism, an atomic explosion in Siberia, the Government, or simply a blue bottle blundering across the roadway. #7. In an adjourned position, your opponent seals the move “Aufgegeben” #6. Your opponent picks up his king and throws it across the room. #5. Your opponent starts mumbling “Nobody has ever won a game by resigning”. #4. Your opponent shows his overwhelming disgust by grimacing distastefully, closing his eyes, shaking his head violently, then turning aside, pushes the chessman away from him as if they were poisoned. #3. Your opponent suddenly stands up and, grabbing the wooden chess board, breaks it over your head. #2. Your opponent grabs you and throws you out the window. #1. Your opponent begins to describe you as the greatest patzer in chess history and then denounces the tournament committee for inviting people whose chess is so wretched that it sickens a real master. (And one might add: <sharpnova> declares your opponent is winning) |
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Jan-31-07
 | | JointheArmy: Preface - IM Ian Nepomniachtchi loses to WGM Nazehda Kosintseva. <dehanne> <I can't believe Nepomniachtchi lost!> It takes a woman to do a man's job. |
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Feb-02-07
| | TheAlchemist: <positionalgenius> Everyone's welcome to add quotes by themselves in my forum, there's no place left in the profile. I also accept suggestions regarding new puns I could use for the MQ game collections. Anyway, the quote you were talking about:
<Bufon, Oct-23-06, Mamedyarov vs Topalov, 2006 >: <acirce35..Rxc8 36.Rxc8 Rxd6! 37.exd6 Qd2 forcing a perpetual was a fairly easy draw> This is the kind of recomendations one would expect from a Kramnik fan, finding the draw lines, thanks to God, Topalov is no Drawmnik. He gave us a nice defeat by the hands of a young prodigy instead of a draw by repetition. <...later...>
My point is, he did avoid the drawing lines and he lose cause of that, but this is chess... the other guy played better I admire players who fight a game till the end, even with riks of losing, instead of finding a draw by repetition, like Drawmnik does. And as my friend <notyetagm> pointed out, this guy is a very good player, and losing with black for Topalov, is not a bad thing. <Karpova, Oct-23-06, Mamedyarov vs Topalov, 2006 >: <Bufon>'s favourite player: Trinks never went for the <boring> perpetual but fought bravely till the end |
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Feb-09-07
| | TheAlchemist: <JoeWms, Jan-01-07, JoeWms chessforum >: I studied the endgame, just like the book said – but they never let me get to the endgame in tournaments <Eyal>: That should have been a line in Alanis Morissette's "Ironic"... don't you think <JoeWms>: A little too ironic ... and yeah I really do think. |
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| Feb-09-07 | | chessmoron: <WannaBe>, WannaBe chessforum :This has been around for a while, so I'm sure some/many of you have already seen it... (via e-mail). All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread. These are not made up. Check them out yourself!
1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com 2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com 6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com 7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com 8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com 9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart.com |
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| Feb-09-07 | | Archives: Man just read through all the pages of this chessforum. Very funny! A few of my favourite kibitzes.....
Hayton3: <It amuses me how some minor master and his fritz vainly bash at the wall of Caissa, hoping to conclusively prove that one move decides the win 40 moves later. He would do better to perform other more conclusive endeavours such as surviving a marathon swim across the everglades with fresh meat strapped to his body, the success of which would blow David Blaine right of the water and trully and rightfully earn Mr Goldsby his LIFE Master title.> Open Defence:< *sung to the tune of the Real Slim Shady*Coz I'm the real master the real life master
and all you guys out there are just chess patzer's
Won't the real life master please say Nyuk, please say Nyuk, please say Nyuk.......> Deepblade:<[X= DeepBlade]
[O= Robert Schinkmann]
[Event: simul Tic Tac Toe]
Xa3 <NTO, Nunns TicTacToe Openings, gives this a big plus> Ob2<the center counter, MTO calls it a ''fighting defence''> Xc1! <a refreshing strategy, planning an attack on the weak corners> Oc3? <secures a chokepoint, but leaves a corner weakness> [DIAGRAM]? Xa1!! <A brilliant move, now O is facing 2 simultaneous threats> O Resigns due the forced mate in 1 (Oa2 Xb1# or Ob1 Xa2#) My Immortal game, GM's send me e-mails about it all the time, all with extensive analysis. Also Fischer said this game is a theoretical draw, but I have my doubts. P.s Xa1!! was such a deep move, Fritz 9 took 2 minutes to solve it! Ive also tried Deep Shredder and HIARCS 10, but still no improvement. Rybka didnt even find the move, after 5 minutes Infinite analysis!> |
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| Feb-10-07 | | twinlark: Have to share this one from <Jackmandoo>'s forum: Dr.Lecter:
click for larger viewArchives: I believe that is an illegal position
Dr.Lecter: Who cares. I win. |
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Feb-11-07
| | chancho: Great stuff.
<crazy monk: If this true, do Kramnik fans start to question their idol?> <danielpi: Feel free to bust open your own ceiling. If you discover any wires, you know it's Kramnik and the KGB watching you. That, or maybe he plans to play his next WCC match in your living room. In any case, be sure to inform chessbase.And where, I wonder, did Kramnik plug that wire? His ear? Last time I checked, a wire wasn't very useful unless connected to something like- oh- say, a computer. Smoking gun my arse.> |
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| Feb-12-07 | | Archives: Haha, I know this isn't from CeeGee (its from the Daily Dirt), but it is too funny... <<Please no analysis of these idiotic photos of cables that run through every modern building. It's really embarrassing. Cables! In walls! Wow! Watch out guys, the next News Flash: Information can also be sent wirelessly! Did Kramnik have wi-fi reception in his elbow?> Mig> |
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| Feb-12-07 | | Tomlinsky: This, on the Bent Larsen page, just tickled me. Don't ask why but it conjured up all kinds of wierd mind-pictures of who, why and where somebody would pop up and ask... <JARJAR2006: any body here know how to get to a chess game?> |
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